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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671918">Stepbrother dearest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eskimo_kisses1/pseuds/Eskimo_kisses1'>Eskimo_kisses1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>American Louis Tomlinson, Angry Louis Tomlinson, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, First Time, M/M, Minor Character Death, Original Character(s), Sad Louis Tomlinson, Step-siblings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:42:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>65,486</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eskimo_kisses1/pseuds/Eskimo_kisses1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry felt like his throat was going to close up. Louis's eyes looked Harry up and down with an ice-cold stare. Despite detesting his personality Harry still found himself in awe of his physical likeness. Harry felt annoyed at himself. To Harry, Louis was physically a dream and in every other way, his nightmare.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>178</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story is based off a book I read. Hope you like it guys 🙂</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 1</p><p> </p><p>Cold air fogged the bay window in the living room as Harry nervously waited in front of it trying his best to see outside. Very soon his stepfather Mark will be pulling up after picking up his son, Louis, from Manchester airport. Louis's mother was taking a year long work assignment overseas so it was decided that Louis would be living with them for the next year.</p><p>Harry's mother, Anne, and Mark had been married for a few years and Harry got on well enough with him, but they wasn't exactly close. Harry didn't know too much about marks former life other than his ex-wife Johannah was an artist based in LA and his son Louis was, in Mark's opinion, a tattooed punk who was allowed to do whatever he wanted.</p><p>Harry had never met his stepbrother and had only seen pictures from before Mark married Anne. Harry guessed Louis mainly took after his mother because the only thing Louis seemed to inherit from Mark was his blue eyes. </p><p>Mark had been grumbling that Louis had entered a rebellious stage as of late that included getting tattoos underage, drinking and smoking. Mark blamed Johannah for putting her work first, thereby allowing Louis to get away with murder. Mark claimed he had encouraged Johannah to take the temp job away so that Louis, now 17, could come live with them.</p><p>Twice a year, Mark would take two short trips to visit Louis,but because he wasn't there on a regular basis he struggled with discipling Louis, so he looked forward to the chance to set his son straight over the next year.</p><p>Butterflies swarmed Harry's stomach as he stared out at the pouring rain. It was hitting the window so hard it actually sounded like a hail storm. The UK weather will be a rude awakening for his California-bred stepbrother. </p><p>"I have a stepbrother." Harry quietly whispered to himself. Harry hoped they would get along. Harry was an only child and had always wanted a sibling. Harry laughed quietly, feeling stupid that he'd been fantasizing that they were going to have some sort of fairytale relationship overnight. Then again, it could happen. Harry nodded to himself thinking everything was going to be okay.</p><p>Harry's mother Anne seemed just as nervous and was repeatedly running up and down the stairs to get Louis's room ready. Harry had went with Anne to buy bedding and other necessities for Louis. Harry had felt weird picking stuff out for someone he didn't know. He hoped Louis liked the dark navy bedding.</p><p>Harry's started muttering to himself, thinking about what he was going to say and what they could talk about. He was starting to feel excited before a car door slamming startled out of his thoughts. Harry ran his hand through his growing curls before smoothing out his shirt.</p><p>Harry heard the key in the door before mark walked in alone, leaving the door slightly open, letting the cold autumn air seep into the room. A few minutes passed before Harry heard a suitcase being pulled up the driveway then stopped again. Louis must have stopped outside before entering. Mark stuck his head back out to the door.</p><p>"Get your ass in here, Louis."</p><p>Harry felt a lump form in his throat when Louis appeared at the doorway. Harry swallowed hat as he took in Louis's appearance. He felt his heart pound harder and harder as the realization hit that Louis looked nothing like the pictures he'd been shown.</p><p>Louis was slightly taller than Mark and his hair slightly tousled was a caramel brown that swept across his eyes and his skin was sun kissed. Louis wouldn't look at Harry, so Harry used the opportunity to continue examining him as he dumped his bags on the floor. Harry wasn't sure if the this was from the bags or his heart.</p><p>"Where's my room?" Louis looked over at mark as he asked.</p><p>"Upstairs, but you're not going anywhere until you say hello to your brother." Mark replied to him while pointing at Harry.</p><p>Harry felt every muscle in his body tighten as he cringed at the term. He didn't want to be his brother. One, when Louis turned to him and looked like he wanted to kill Harry. And two, once Harry first set eyes on Louis chiseled face, it became abundantly clear in his mind that while he was wary of Louis, his body had been instantly put under a spell, one Harry would give anything to come out from under.</p><p>Louis's eyes bore daggers into Harry's, but didn't say anything. Harry took a breath, swallowed his pride,reached out his hand and stepped forward. Gracious as ever, Harry managed to stumble over his own feet, almost crashing into Louis in the process. "Oops. I'm Harry. Nice to meet you." Harry blushed at his clumsiness.</p><p>Louis said nothing. Several seconds passed before he reluctantly took Harry's hand. His grip was uncomfortably hard, almost painful before quickly releasing it. Louis squinted at Harry. "Hi.. Harry. Nice name…… for an old man."</p><p>Harry felt like his throat was going to close up. Louis's eyes looked Harry up and down with an ice-cold stare. Despite detesting his personality Harry still found himself in awe of his physical likeness. Harry felt annoyed at himself. To Harry, Louis was physically a dream and in every other way, his nightmare. Harry promised himself that he wouldn't let Louis see how much Louis affected him.</p><p>"Would you like me to show you to your room?" Harry offered. </p><p>Louis ignored Harry completely, lifting his bags of the floor and turned towards the stairs. It was at that moment Harry's mum Anne was coming down the stairs.</p><p>"Its nice to finally meet you, sweety." She said as she pulled Louis into a hug.</p><p>Louis's body stiffened before ripping himself out of Anne's hold. "I wish I could say the same back."</p><p>At that Mark stormed towards the stairs pointing his finger. "Cut the shit, Louis. You say hello to Anne in a decent way."</p><p>"Hello to Anne in a decent way." Louis repeated in a monotone voice as he walked up the stairs.</p><p>Anne put her hand on Mark's shoulder. " It's okay. He'll warm up. Let him be alone. This move can't be easy and he doesn't know me yet. He's just a little apprehensive."</p><p>"A little disrespectful prick is what he is." Mark spat.</p><p>Harry was surprised to hear Mark speaking that way about his son regardless of how badly Louis was acting. Harry had never heard him use words like that with him, although he had never really done anything to deserve it. </p><p>That night, Louis stayed behind closed doors. Mark went in there once, and Harry had heard them arguing, so his mum and him decided to let them hash it out and to stay out of whatever was going in between them.</p><p>On his way up to bed, Harry couldn't help but stop and stare at Louis's closed bedroom door. He wondered if his alienation was a sign of how the entire year was going to go… if they lasted it that is.</p><p>Harry opened the bathroom door to go brush his teeth and jumped at the sight of Louis wiping his wet body down from the shower. Steam and the smell of Louis's body wash filled the air. Harry, instead of turning and running found himself frozen on the spot. Instead of covering himself up with the towel, Louis let it fall nonchalantly to the floor.</p><p>Harry's mouth fell open. </p><p>Harry's eyes instantly fell to Louis cock for a few seconds before his gaze traveled up Louis body. His chest inked and dripping with water and his right arm had a mismatch of tattoos scattering down it. When Harry's eyes finally landed on Louis's face he was met with an evil smirk. Harry tried to speak but words wouldn't for for him.</p><p>Finally, Harry whipped his head away. "Uh… Oh my God… I… I'm so… I better leave."</p><p>As Harry turned to leave Louis's voice stopped him in his tracks. "You act like you've never seen a guy naked before."</p><p>"Actually other than myself… I haven't." Harry answered him while turning to face him.</p><p>"Well I hope I haven't made you feel inferior. I know it's going to be hard to measure up." Louis stayed arrogantly.</p><p>"Cocky much." Harry replied weakly.</p><p>"You tell me. Don't I deserve to be?"</p><p>"God… Your acting like a-"</p><p>"Giant dick."</p><p>Like a bad accident that was impossible to look away from Harry found himself looking down at him again. Harry couldn't understand what was wrong with him. Louis was stark naked infront of him and he couldn't move.</p><p>Harry's stare was broken when Louis started talking again.</p><p>"There's really nowhere to go from here, so unless you're planning on doing something, you should probably leave and let me finish getting dressed."</p><p>Harry shook his head in disbelief, slamming the door shut behind him as he fled to his room on shaking legs.</p><p>"What just happened?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 2</p><p>"How is stepbrother dearest today?" Ella asked. </p><p>The bed squeaked as Harry plopped on his stomach and sighed down the phone. "Up to his usual assholery."</p><p>Harry had decided to withhold Louis show and tell in the bathroom Friday night from his best friend Ella. He was embarrassed to no end and and had kept the incident to himself.</p><p>It was now Sunday night and Louis would be starting school with Harry. It was their last year and soon enough everyone will meet his twat of a stepbrother.</p><p>"He's still not speaking to you?" Ella asked surprised.</p><p>"No. He came downstairs to make cereal this morning and took it back to his room." Harry replied.</p><p>"Why do you think he has such a stick up his ass?"</p><p>"something is going in between him and Mark. I'm trying not to take it personally, but it's hard." (It's hard alright). Harry really needed to get the image out if his head.</p><p>"You think I would like him?" Ella asked curiously.</p><p>"What do you mean? I told you he's the devil." Harry snapped, not liking where this was going.</p><p>"I known… but do you think I would LIKE him?"</p><p>Harry sighed. He knew Louis was exactly Ella's type. She loved mysterious and brooding guys even when they weren't as good-looking as Louis. This is why Harry kept his mouth shut about the bathroom incident. All Ella needed to hear about was the tattoos and the size of his cock and she would never leave his house again. Harry knew Ella would like what she sees when she saw him tomorrow so Harry's decided to be honest.</p><p>"He's really hot, okay? Really… fucking… hot. In fact, his looks are just about the only thing he has going for him."</p><p>"Okay, I'm coming over." Harry could hear movement on the other end of the phone.</p><p>"No, your not." Harry laughed at his friends antics, but deep down, the idea of Ella throwing herself at Louis made him really uncomfortable even if he didn't think Louis would return the attention.</p><p>Harry heard Ella make a dramatic sigh down the phone before speaking. "Okay, fine. So what are your plans for tonight?"</p><p>"Well, before I actually met him and discovered he was a complete twat, I was supposed to be making tacos tonight for us all as a way of welcoming him."</p><p>"Well maybe you can cook up some humble pie for stepbrother dearest for desert." Ella suggested with laugh.</p><p>"I'm not going to engage him. I'm going to kill him with kindness. I don't care how much of a … dick … (oh God) he is to me. The worst thing I can do is let him think he's affecting me." Harry was determined that this meal was going to be the catalyst of bringing Louis out if his mood. Hopefully.</p><p>       ++++++++++++++++++++++++</p><p>Anne helped Harry set the table while he was grating cheese for the tacos. Harry felt his stomach growl but it was more nerves than hunger. He really wasn't looking forward to sitting across the table from Louis, that is, if he even agrees to join them.</p><p>"Harry, why don't you go see if you can get him to come down." </p><p>"Why me?" </p><p>Harry watched as Anne screwed open a bottle of wine. She was the only one who would be drinking, and she likely needed it. She poured a little then took a sip while turning to Harry.</p><p>"Look, I can understand why he doesn't like me. He sees me as the enemy and probably blames me in some way for his parents not being together, but there is no reason for him to be treating you poorly. Just keep trying to get through to him, see if you can get him to open up a little." Harry's mum had a pleading look on her face and looked tired.</p><p>Harry shrugged and started making his way upstairs. He knew Anne had no idea how out in the open things were in the bathroom the other night: balls to the wall open.</p><p>The thought of knocking on Louis's door terrified him, he didn't know what he would be faced with, if he even opened the door that is.</p><p>To his suprise the door opened right away after he knocked. Louis had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Harry watched as he took a long drag then slowly and intentionally blew the smoke right in his face. </p><p>"What?" Louis asked in a low voice.</p><p>Harry tried to seem unaffected until an uncontrollable hackling cough broke out of him.</p><p>"Dinner is almost ready."</p><p>Louis was wearing a tight, white tank top. Harry's eyes drifted down to the tattoo he could see across his chest that read "it is what it is". Louis was now leaning against the door, his hair was wet and his tracksuit bottoms hung low, showcasing the top of  his white boxers underneath and his blue eyes stared into Harry's green ones. Harry thought he was breathtaking... For a bastard.</p><p>"Why are you looking at me like that?" Louis question brought Harry back from where he zoned out to.</p><p>"Like what?" </p><p>"Like your trying to remember what I looked like the other night… like you'd rather have me for dinner.' Louis snickered. "And why are you winking at me?"</p><p>Harry felt himself blush. His eye had a bad habit of twitching whenever he was nervous and it made him look like he was winking.</p><p>"It's just a twitch. Get over yourself." Harry mumbled.</p><p>At that Louis expression turned angry.</p><p>"Really? Should I? My looks are all I have going for me, right? So, I should capitalize on that while I can."</p><p>Harry stood there speechless, confused about what Louis was talking about.</p><p>Louis contunued his rant. "What's the matter… too hot in here for you?" Then, in a mocking tone, "so… fucking… hot." He finished with a wicked smile.</p><p>Harry felt himself flush more, mortified that Louis had obviously heard him on the phone to Ella earlier. He felt his eye start to twitch more as Louis continued.</p><p>"Your winking at me again. Am I making you nervous? Look at your face! Red is a good colour on you."</p><p>Harry immediately turned on his heels and left not wanting to have to listen to anymore of Louis taunting.</p><p>"We'll match, seeing as I'm the DEVIL!" He yelled at Harry's retreating form before slamming the door shut behind him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis was slowly picking at his meal without saying a word while Harry sat fixated on the other lads lips. Mark kept glancing at Louis with a look of disdain, while Anne refilled her wine glass AGAIN. Harry though they were their very own version of the Brady bunch.</p>
<p>Harry pretend to enjoy his tacos while brooding over the fact that Louis had overhead him talking about him that way and therefore, now knew he was more than likely gay (he wasn't hiding it) and was attracted to him.</p>
<p>Anne was the first to speak. "Louis, what do you think if the UK do far?"</p>
<p>Louis rose an eyebrow at Anne's question. "Seeing as though I've ventured nowhere but this house, it sucks ass."</p>
<p>At that Mark slammed his fork down. "Can you show some respect to your stepmother for five seconds?"</p>
<p>"That depends." Louis turned to look at Mark. "Can she stop boozing it up for the same amount of time? I knew you married a cheater, DADDY, but a lush, too?</p>
<p>"You worthless piece of shit." Mark spewed.</p>
<p>Harry's mouth dropped open in suprise. Once again, Mark floored Harry with his choice if wording towards his son. Louis was surely being an asshole, but it still shocked Harry to hear that kind of language coming out if his stepfather's mouth.</p>
<p>Louis's chair skidded back as he threw his napkin on the table and got up. "I'm done." Louis looked over at Harry. "Dinner was fucking wonderful, bro." The word "bro" had rolled of his tongue with such sarcasm.</p>
<p>After Louis left the table, the silence left behind was deafening. Harry watched Anne put her hand in Mark's. Harry was left pondering what could have happened between Louis and his father to cause such a rift.</p>
<p>On impulse Harry got up and walked up the stairs. He could feel his heart pounding as he knocked on Louis's door. When he didn't answer Harry slowly turned the knob and found him sitting at the edge of his bed smoking a cigarette. Louis had his headphones on so he hadn't Harry entering his room. Harry stood just past the door way and quietly observed him. Louis was bouncing his leg nervously, look frustrated and defeated. Eventually, he outed the cigarette out only to immediately reach into her drawer to grab another one.</p>
<p>"Louis." Harry shouted.</p>
<p>Louis jumped and removed his headphones. "The fuck? You scared the shit out of me."</p>
<p>"Sorry."</p>
<p>Louis lit his cigarette and gestured towards the door. "Leave."</p>
<p>"No." Harry replied trying to stand taller.</p>
<p>At that Louis rolled his eyes and shook his head slowly, returning his headphones to his ears and took a long drag if his cigarette.</p>
<p>Harry sat down in the bed next to him. "Those are going to kill you."</p>
<p>Smoke billowed from Louis's mouth as he said, "perfect."</p>
<p>Harry frowned. "You don't mean that."</p>
<p>"Please leave me alone." Louis sighed.</p>
<p>"Okay, fine." Harry left the room and went back downstairs. </p>
<p>After seeing Louis look so down when he didn't know Harry was watching him made Harry more determined than ever to break through with him somehow. Harry really wanted to know if Louis's act was just a façade or if he was a truly genuine asshole. The meaner Louis was to Harry, the more Harry wanted Louis to like him. It was a challenge.</p>
<p>Harry returned to the kitchen and asked Mark for Louis's phone number. He was hoping texting Louis might help them communicate easier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>**You don't want to talk, so I'll text.**</p>
<p>**Louis: how did you get my number?**</p>
<p>**Harry: your father.**</p>
<p>**Louis: fuck him.**</p>
<p>Harry decided it would be best to change the subject off of Mark.</p>
<p>**Harry: did you enjoy the meal?**</p>
<p>**Louis: scramble the letters of meal. You get LAME. Your meal=lame.**</p>
<p>**Harry: why are you so mean?**</p>
<p>**Louis: why are you so lame?**</p>
<p>Harry thought Louis was a complete jackass. Getting nowhere texting him, Harry threw his phone on the counter and marched up the stairs. Louis had put Harry in such a mood and really wanted to do something that would piss Louis off too.</p>
<p>Louis was still sitting on the bed smoking when Harry opened door, not even bothering to knock this time. He headed straight for the drawer, grabbed Louis's cigarettes and ran out.</p>
<p>Harry laughed all the way back to his room. That is, until his door burst open. Without thinking Harry stuffed the cigarettes into his jeans. Louis looked ready to murder him, although Harry had to admit, the glare in Louis's glowing eyes was pretty sexy.</p>
<p>"Give them back to me." Louis said through gritted teeth.</p>
<p>"I'm not giving them back to to you." Harry replied defiantly.</p>
<p>"Yes the fuck you are, or I'm reaching in and getting them myself. Unless that's what you wanted in the first place." Louis questioned, raising an eyebrow, his face still looked like a storm though.</p>
<p>Harry shook his head. "Seriously, why do you smoke? It's so bad for you."</p>
<p>"You can't just steal my shit. But then again, like mother like son apparently."</p>
<p>"What are you talking about?" Harry asked, confused by Louis's statement.</p>
<p>"Go ask your mother." Louis muttered under his breath. He held out his tattooed arm. "Give me my cigarettes."</p>
<p>"Not until you explain why you just said that. She didn't steal Mark. Your parents were divorced before my mum even met your dad."</p>
<p>"That's what Mark wants you to believe. She was probably fucking around on your father too, right? Poor gullible bastard."</p>
<p>"Don't call my father a bastard." Harry could feel anger start to bubble inside him.</p>
<p>"Well, where was he when Anne was fucking my father behind my mother's back?" </p>
<p>Harry felt his bloody boil. Louis was going to be sorry he asked. "Six feet under. My father died when I was ten."</p>
<p>Louis was silent for a moment, then rubbed his temples in frustration. Louis tone eases for the first time since he met Harry. "Fuck. I didn't know that, okay?"</p>
<p>"There's a lot you're probably assuming. If you'd just talk to me…"</p>
<p>Louis almost looked like he was going to apologize. Almost. Then, he shook his head and turned right back to that angry person who first stormed into Harry's room.</p>
<p>"I'll be fucking damned if I have to talk to you. Give me my cigarettes, or I'm ripping them out of your pants."</p>
<p>Harry's body felt buzzed when Louis said it. A part of Harry wanted to see what that would be like, Louis rough hands pulling at his jeans, trying to rip them open. Harry shook his head to rid the thought and backed away as Louis approached. He was just inches from him now. Harry felt goose bumps raise on his skin and the hairs stand on edge as he felt Louis's heat radiate from his body as he moved closer. Harry had never felt so out of control of his body before and was silently begging it to stop reacting so intensely towards Louis. </p>
<p>Harry could feel Louis's breath hit his face. It smelled like the cigarettes he favoured. Harry found that he didn't actually hate the smell. He was surprised to find that it smelt almost like cloves.</p>
<p>"That was my last packet of that brand. Their imported from Indonesia. I don't even know where to buy them here yet. If you think it's difficult to deal with me now, your not gonna want to see what I'm like with no cigarettes tonight."</p>
<p>"But their so bad for you." Harry whispered.</p>
<p>"Ask if I give a fuck." Louis said uncomfortably close to Harry's mouth.</p>
<p>"Louis. . ."</p>
<p>Louis backed up a few inches. "Look. . . Smoking is the only thing that has brought me and peace since walking into this hell hole. Now, I'm asking nicely. Please." </p>
<p>Louis's eyes softened and with each passing second Harry's resolve weaken. "Okay."</p>
<p>Louis gaze followed Harry's hand as he reached into his jeans for the cigarettes. Harry handed them to Louis and instantly felt the cold air replace the heat of his body as he walked away.</p>
<p>Harry thought giving Louis back the cigarettes would initiate s truce. But he was so wrong. Louis turned around one last time to face Harry and his eyes were no longer soft. They were piercing.</p>
<p>"You're gonna pay for that."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Revenge??</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The start of school went exactly how Harry expected. Louis ignored him anytime they were in the same class or cafeteria. Girls flocked around him everywhere he went, and he instantly became popular while barely having to say a word. Probably the least surprising development was Ella's covetous reaction to him.</p>
<p>"What do you think my chances are?"</p>
<p>"Of what?"  Harry internally sighed knowing where this was going.</p>
<p>"Of bagging Louis."</p>
<p>Harry shook his head. "Don't get me involved in that venture, please."</p>
<p>"Why not? I realize you don't get along with him, but your my only in." She poured up at him.</p>
<p>"He hates my guts. How am I going to be able to help you with this?"</p>
<p>Ella contemplated that for a moment before responding. "You could invite me over, set it up so we're all in the same room and then leave us alone."</p>
<p>"I don't know." Harry replied shaking his head. "You don't understand how he is."</p>
<p>"I mean, I know you don't get along with him but think about it, it might actually help your relationship with him if I ended up eating him."</p>
<p>"I don't think Louis is the dating type."</p>
<p>Ella smiled wide. "No. . . He's the fucking type, and that's okay with me too. I'll take that."</p>
<p>Harry's heart was beating faster and he hates himself for it. Everytime Ella would bring this up, it made him insanely jealous. It was like a secret struggle he was constantly battling. Not that he could ever admit it to anyone. He wasn't sure which part bothered him more. The thought of his friend screwing Louis,getting to touch him and living out his darkest fantasy? That bothered him, sure, but what upset him the most was the thought of Louis connecting on a deeper level with someone else while he continued to apparently dispose him. And he hated that he cared.</p>
<p>Harry lifted his backpack out of his locker. "You're crazy. Can we please change the subject?"</p>
<p>"Okay fine. So I heard Nick wants to ask you out." </p>
<p>Harry slammed his locker hard upon hearing the news. "From who?"</p>
<p>It was no secret that Harry was gay. Quite a few kids were 'out' as something at school and for the most part everyone was nice about it. For high school most was surprisingly accepting of the piers.</p>
<p>"He talked to my brother about it. He wants to ask you to the cinema." She replied with a big smile.</p>
<p>Nick was one of the popular sporty guys. Harry couldn't figure out why he would be interested in him since he usually dated people from his inner circle. Harry didn't really belong to their group or any group for that matter. Harry and Ella were a sort of group of their own. They got along with everyone, got good grades and stayed out if trouble. Unlike his best friend, though, Harry was a virgin. </p>
<p>Harry had only had the one boyfriend, Ben, who ended up breaking up with him because he wouldn't let him get passed over the clothes touching. Word got out that Harry was a virgin and certain people around the school would joke about it with him. While Harry still saw Ben around school from time to time, he tried to avoid him as much as he could.</p>
<p>Ella snapped her gum. "So, anyway, if he asks you out, we should invite Louis. He could go with me,and you could go with Nick. We could go see that new scary film."</p>
<p>"No thanks. Living with Louis is all the scary I need."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you guys are liking it :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Olive branch? Hot sauce?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry came home from school that day in a really anxious mood. Between his missing underwear and actually getting asked out by Nick, he was seriously in need of ice cream - not just any ice cream, but the homemade kind he liked to make occasionally on the machine Anne got him for Christmas last year.</p>
<p>Harry dumped some of the left over Halloween chocolate into and ended up with a delectable Snicker, malteaser, galaxy caramel concoction with a vanilla base.</p>
<p>Once it was ready, Harry sat down at the counter with a gigantic bowl and closed his eyes, savouring each bite.</p>
<p>The front door slammed and shortly after, Louis strolled into the kitchen. The scent of clove cigarettes and cologne wafted into the air. Harry decided that he hated his smell. (Lies! He fucking loved his smell and wanted to drown in it.)</p>
<p>As usual, Louis ignored Harry's, and just headed to the refrigerator, took out the milk and drank it straight from the bottle. Louis eyed Harry's ice cream and walked over to him, taking the spoon out of Harry's hand. Louis placed it in his mouth, devouring a huge dollop and licked the spoon until it was clean. Harry's insides were quivering just watching it. Then, Louis handed the spoon back to Harry. </p>
<p>Harry opened the drawer, grabbed another spoon and gave it to Louis. They both started eating out of the bowl while saying nothing to each other. It was such a simple thing, but Harry's heart was beating a mile a minute. This was the longest amount of time Louis had ever willingly graced him with his presence.</p>
<p>Finally, in the middle of a bite, Louis looked at Harry. "What happened to your father?"</p>
<p>Harry swallowed his ice cream and tried to fight the emotions he felt creeping up. His question caught Harry completely off guard. He rested his spoon in the bowl. "He died of lung cancer at 35. He's been smoking since he was 12."</p>
<p>Louis closed his eyes briefly and nodded to himself in understanding. He obviously now realized why Harry had hated his smoking so much.</p>
<p>After several seconds of silence, Louis was looking down at his bowl when he said, "I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"Thanks."</p>
<p>They continued sharing the ice cream until there was nothing left. Louis took the bowl from Harry, washed it in the sink, wiped it and put it away. He then left to go back upstairs without saying anything else.</p>
<p>Harry stayed downstairs in the kitchen alone for a while replying that strange encounter. Louis interest in his father really surprised him. Harry phone then chimed. It was a text from Louis </p>
<p>**Louis: Thanks for the ass cream. It was really good.**</p>
<p>When Harry returned to his room that evening, a single pair of his boxers was neatly folded on his dresser. If this was Louis's version of extending the olive branch, Harry would take it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The "sweet" Louis was short-lived. A few days after their ice cream social, he showed up at the café where Harry worked right in the middle of the after school rush. Tartan café was down the street from their highschool and served things like sandwiches, salads and coffee.</p>
<p>If Louis showing up wasn't bad enough, he'd brought with him probably the most beautiful girl in their entire school. Olivia had platinum blonde hair, legs for days and huge breasts. She looked the type that would be a total bitch, but was actually really nice. That's why Harry was struggling so much to not hate her right now.</p>
<p>Olivia waved. "Hey, Harry."</p>
<p>"Hey." Harry said as he placed their menus down. Louis give him fleeting eye contact but was trying not to acknowledge Harry. Harry assumed Louis didn't know that he worked there because he never told him.</p>
<p>A pang of jealousy hit Harry as he noticed Louis locking his legs with Olivia's under the table. He wondered if Olivia knew Louis was Harry's stepbrother. Harry avoided speaking about him to people at school and figures Louis never mentioned him, either.</p>
<p>"I'll give you two a minute." He said before walking back towards the kitchen. </p>
<p>Harry watched as Olivia reached across the table and planted a kiss on Louis's lips. He felt sick. He watched as she pulled Louis's lips with her teeth. It looked like she might have purred. Harry have never wanted to disappear into thin air so badly.</p>
<p>Harry reluctantly walked back over to them. "Have you decided what you'd like?"</p>
<p>Louis glances over at the chalk board that listed the daily specials and smirked. "What's your soup of the day?"</p>
<p>That bastard Harry thought. "Chicken."</p>
<p>"That's not correct. You're misrepresting it." Louis replied still smirking.</p>
<p>"It's the same thing."</p>
<p>He repeated, "what's. .  . The soup. .  . Of the day?"</p>
<p>Harry stared at him long and hard then clenched his jaw. "Cock-a-Leekie soup."</p>
<p>The owner was from Scotland, and apparently, that was a speciality there.</p>
<p>Louis flashed a mischievous grin. "Thanks. I'll have the cock soup. Olivia?"</p>
<p>"I'll have the garden salad," she said, looking back and forth between Louis and Harry confused.</p>
<p>Harry took his sweet time before bringing them their food. It didn't matter to him if the the soup was cold. After a few minutes, Louis lifted his index finger for Harry to come to the table.</p>
<p>"Yes." Harry huffed.</p>
<p>"This cock is leaky. It's bland and cold. Can you please replace it and ask the cook to actually put some flavor in it?"</p>
<p>He looked like he was stifling a laugh. Olivia was speechless. Harry took the soup back to the kitchen and dumped it violently into the sink along with the ceramic cup. Instead of talking to the chef, Harry had a lightbulb moment and decided to take this into his own hands. Harry grabbed the ladle and put more soup I to a new cup. He then opened a bottle of hot sauce and poured it more than generously into the soup. It was piping hot now in more ways than one. Harry walked back and placed it carefully in front of Louis.</p>
<p>"Anything else?" Harry asked in a fake pleasant voice.</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>Harry walked back over towards the kitchen and waited in the corner to watch him. The anticipation was killing him. </p>
<p>Louis took the first spoonful. He had no reaction. Harry was confused. Louis took another spoonful then his eyes sought out Harry's. Louis mouth curved into a sly smile before he took the entire cup and started drinking the soup like a beverage. He whipped his mouth with the back of his hand, whispered to Olivia and excused himself.</p>
<p>Olivia's back was turned to Harry when Louis walked over and dragged him by the arm into a dark corridor leading to the bathrooms. He backed Harry up against the wall.</p>
<p>"You think you're so smart?" Harry's heart was slamming into his chest. Speechless, Harry shook his head as Louis said, "well,the joke's on you."</p>
<p>Before Harry could respond, Louis grabbed his face with both hands and smashed his lips to Harry's. He nudged his lips open with his tongue hungrily and started kissing him deeply. Harry moaned into Louis's mouth, both shocked and excited by the ambush of Louis's hot tongue assaulting his own. Harry's body was shaking. To him Louis smelled amazing. Harry felt like he was going to collapse from sensory overload.</p>
<p>Within seconds, the heat from the hot sauce on Louis tongue began to penetrate his own, which was now burning. Even though his tongue felt like it was going to fall off, he didn't want to pull away. Harry had never been kissed like this before. Then, just like that, Louis ripped his mouth away from Harry's.</p>
<p>"Don't you know by now not to fuck with me?"</p>
<p>Louis walked away, and Harry stayed panting in the corridor with his hand over his chest. Holy shit he thought. His mouth was on fires along with every other orifice. He was hard and throbbing between his legs. When he finally gained enough composure to walk back out. He had taken a good amount of time to calm down and he realized they probably needed their check soon.</p>
<p>He decided to get it over with and took the leather bill binder to their table, placing it in front of Louis without making eye contact. He overheard Louis telling Olivia to meet him outside and that he'd take care of everything. He reached into his pocket and slipped something in the folder and soon after, he took off. Harry assumed he wouldn't leave him a tip. He opened it and gasped when along with a £20 note, his favourite black lace panties were also there. Harry felt his cheeks heat and quickly stuffed his underwear in his pocket. He shook his head thinking that it was going to be a long shift.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gaming. Ice cream. Double date??</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry and Louis never spoke of the kiss even though it ran through Harry's mind constantly. He was pretty sure it didn't mean anything to Louis, that he was just trying to make a point. Still, the sensations Harry experienced were the same as if the kiss had been based on real passion. Knowing what Louis's lips felt like on his and how he'd tasted wasn't a memory that could so easily be erased. He craved that feeling again. It made the battle between his mind and body much more difficult than before.</p>
<p>It was a curse having a crush on someone you had to live with, particularly when he brought girls from school back to the house.</p>
<p>One afternoon, while their parents weren't home, he'd brought Olivia over, and they were in his room messing around. Another afternoon, it was Amy. Then the next week, it was a different Amy.</p>
<p>Harry would be in his room covering his ears so that he didn't have to hear the sound of his bed squeaking or the stupid girl giggling. That particular day that Amy numbers two exited his room to go home, Harry texted him immediately after.</p>
<p>**Harry: Really? Two Amy's? Will Amy #3 be coming tomorrow? What are you thinking?!**</p>
<p>**Louis: Jealous brother?**</p>
<p>**Harry: Step! Stepbrother.**</p>
<p>**Louis: Scramble the word step, you get PEST. Step = pest.**</p>
<p>**Harry: You're a moron.**</p>
<p>**Louis: You're a pest.**</p>
<p>Harry got up from his bed in a huff and walked right into his room without knocking. Louis was playing a video game and didn't even look at Harry. "I really need to get a lock on that thing."</p>
<p>Harry's heart was racing. "Why are you such a fucking asshole?"</p>
<p>"Nice to see you too , bro." Louis patted the bed next to where he was sitting at the edge with his eyes still fixed in the game. "If you won't leave, then by all means, have a seat."</p>
<p>"I have no desire to sit in your dirty bed." Harry folded his arms.</p>
<p>"I'd that because you'd rather sit on my dirty face?"</p>
<p>Harry's mouth fell open and his heart nearly stopped. Louis mouth spread into a devious smile as he continued to play the game. He had rendered him speechless. Harry thought his dick was a hopeless fool. The cruder Louis was, the stronger it's attraction to him.</p>
<p>Instead of dignifying his question with a response Harry looked around the room, headed straight for his drawers and began rummaging through his things. "Where's my underwear?"</p>
<p>"I told you, they're not here."</p>
<p>"I don't believe you."</p>
<p>Harry continued searching around until he stumbled upon something that caught his eye. It was a binder with a large stack of papers inside. Printed on the from were the words 'Lucky and the Lad by Louis Tomlinson.'</p>
<p>"What's this?"</p>
<p>For the first time, Louis stopped his game and practically flew off the bed. "Don't touch that."</p>
<p>Harry flipped through it as fast as possible before Louis ripped it out of his hands. There was dialogue and some lines were crossed out and corrected in red pen. Harry's eyes widened. "You wrote a book?"</p>
<p>He swallowed and for the first time since Harry had met him, Louis looked truly uncomfortable. "That's none of your business."</p>
<p>"Maybe you do have more going for you than your looks." Harry joked.</p>
<p>Louis gave Harry one last death stare before walking over to his closet and placed the binder on the top shelf. He then sat back down on the bed and resumed the game. Desperate to connect with him in some way, Harry sat next to him and watched as he distroyed virtual enemies in combat.</p>
<p>"Can two play?" </p>
<p>He stopped for a moment and froze, then sighed in exasperation, before handing Harry a controller. He changed the settings to two players, and they began battling it out.</p>
<p>It took him a while to figure out how to play the game. After multiple wins on Louis's part, Harry's character finally killed his off, and Louis turned to him with a look of amusement and dare he day. . . Admiration. He cracked a reluctant but genuine smile, and Harry felt like his heart was going to disintegrate. That one little gesture and he was lost cause. What would he have done if Louis was actually being really nice to him: lose his mind altogether and start humping his leg? Upon that thought he decided it was time for him to go back to his room.</p>
<p>He spent the rest of the night trying to figure Louis out and concluded that there was definitely more to stepbrother dearest than meets the eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     ++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Several weeks passed before Harry accepted Nick's offer to take him out on a date. He'd finally conceded that a.) There were no better alternatives at the the moment and b.) A distraction from his unhealthy obsession with his stepbrother would be most helpful </p>
<p>Harry's attraction to Louis was at an all-time high. Almost every night after dinner he'd go to his room and play that video game with him. It was a harmless way for them to take out their frustration towards eachother without anyone actually getting hurt. The surprising thing was, Louis seemed to be the one initiating it now. The one night Harry decided to stay in his room and read Louis had sent him a text.</p>
<p>**Louis: Are you coming to play or what?**</p>
<p>**Harry: I wasn't going to.**</p>
<p>**Louis: Bring some ass cream too and put extra snickers in it.**</p>
<p>That message would of seemed really odd to someone on the outside looking in. The text had made Harry giddy, though.</p>
<p>That night, they shared another bowl of ice cream and played the game until Harry couldn't keep his eyes open. He even managed to kill Louis two of the 17 times they played. Even though Louis didn't really open up to him, the gaming sessions seemed to be his own way if saying he didn't find his company deplorable anymore and that maybe, he even enjoyed it.</p>
<p>But in typical Louis fashion, just when it felt like they were finally connecting, he had to go and ruin it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>   ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a couple of days before Harry's Friday night date with Nick. He was hanging out with Ella in the kitchen when Louis walked in and did his usual drinking out of the milk bottle routine.</p>
<p>Ella's eyes fixated on Louis's top riding up as he lifted the milk. She was practically drooling. "Hey, Louis."</p>
<p>Louis grunted in response through the bottle before putting it back in the fridge. He then began rummaging through the snack cupboard.</p>
<p>Ella dipped a pretzel in some Nutella and spoke with her mouth full. "So, have you decided which movie you're going to see with Nick Friday night?"</p>
<p>"No, we haven't discussed it."</p>
<p>From across the kitchen, Harry couldn't help but notice Louis stopped sifting through the cupboard for a moment and froze. It seemed like he was trying to listen to what they were saying, he glanced over at Harry for a fleeting moment with a troublesome expression.</p>
<p>"Well, you do love a rom-com. Make him suffer through one of those. What do you think Louis?"</p>
<p>"What do I think about what?"</p>
<p>"What movie should Harry see on his date with Nick?"</p>
<p>He ignored her question and looked at Harry. "That dude's a fucknut." </p>
<p>He started walking away, but Ella called after him. "Hey Louis. . ."</p>
<p>He turned around.</p>
<p>"Would you want to join? I mean. . . We could go with them. It might be fun. Like a double date."</p>
<p>He chuckled and just stared at her for the longest time with a look that screamed NOT A CHANCE.</p>
<p>Harry shook his head. "I don't think that would be a good idea."</p>
<p>Louis turned to Harry with a malicious grin. "Why not?"<br/>(Why not? Is he serious?)</p>
<p>"Because it's my date. I don't want anyone else tagging along."</p>
<p>"It would really upset you if I went?" He asked.</p>
<p>"Yes, actually."</p>
<p>Louis looked over at Ella. "In that case, I'd love to go."</p>
<p>The look of satisfaction on her face sickened Harry. She thought this was her big chance to make a move on him. Meanwhile, he'd basically admitted he was just doing this to torture Harry.</p>
<p>"See you Friday night." He said before disappearing. </p>
<p>Ella opened her mouth in a silent scream then tapped her feet excitedly on the floor, and it made Harry want to vomit. He now had to gear up for what would surely be one of the most awkward dates of his life. But nothing could of prepared him for what actually transpired that night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Movie's, American diner's and . . . police?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis was supposed to be meeting them at the cinema. He had taken a job at a convenient store and would be going home to shower first after work.</p>
<p>"Ella, are you sure your date's showing up?" Nick laughed.</p>
<p>"He'll be here." She looked over at Harry with uncertainty. Truthfully, he had no clue whether Louis was actually planning to show up and prayed he didn't. When Ella texted him that they planned to go inside early to secure seats, he never responded.</p>
<p>As they waited in the concession line, Nick put his arm around Harry's shoulder, causing him to stiffen. Harry thought it was a little forward of Nick considering they were just getting to know eachother. He did smell nice and looked good in jeans and a black shirt and his dark hair was spiked with gel. Harry remembered that he used to think Nick was really cute. Nowadays, every single guy seemed to pale in comparison to Louis on a physical attraction meter. Harry wanted to crush that meter with a sledgehammer.</p>
<p>Ella was under strict instructions not to tell Nick that Louis was his stepbrother. Since Louis never spoke to him at school, most people still had no clue that they lived together. Harry preferred it that way.</p>
<p>Relief set in when the theatre darkened, and the previews started to play. Harry put his phone on vibrate. Maybe he wasn't going to show after all. His body started to relax while Ella checked her phone every two seconds and looked around for him.</p>
<p>The opening credits to the movie started. Harry sank deeper into his chair and kicked his feet up onto the empty seat infront of him. Nick gestured for him to have some of his popcorn. Harry had been munching on it for a while and was actually enjoying the movie until he nearly chocked on a whiff of clove cigarettes mixed with cologne. </p>
<p>Then there he was.</p>
<p>Harry's knees trembled as he slid past them in the darkness making his way to the empty seat on the other side of Ella. He wanted to smack the look of joy off her face.</p>
<p>When Louis leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, Harry's appetite for the popcorn quickly transformed into nausea. He handed Nick the bag and pretend to be interested in the movie. In all honesty, he was staring straight at the screen, but the actors might aswell have been speaking Mandarin Chinese. All he was really doing was ruminating and breathing in Louis scent. His presence made him angrier than he anticipated it would.</p>
<p>At one point, Nick grabbed Harry's hand and wrapped it inside his. Harry froze. Ella, who had downed a giant Diet Coke before Louis arrived, whispered in Harry's ear that she was going to the bathroom. His heart began to pound faster once she left because there was no longer anything blocking his view of Louis. He could feel from the corner of his eyes that Louis was looking at him. Dispite laughter erupting around him from the audience, the weight of Louis's stare seemed to drown it all out. Harry wouldn't look at him or even move. Just keep staring at the screen, harry he thought to himself. Then he felt his phone vibrate.</p>
<p>**Louis: Are you practicing to be a store window mannequin?**</p>
<p>Harry couldn't exactly respond to the text because Nick would have seen him. He did, however, look over at Louis and regretted it. His normally sweeping fringe had been styled into a swept back quiff and he was also more dressed up than normal in dark tight skinny jeans and a denim jacket with a wool interior.</p>
<p>Louis mouth spread into a rare genuine smile that made Harry feel as if something was squeezing at his heart. Then, he chuckled, causing Harry to laugh at himself too. Louis was right. He had been sitting there stiff as a board tonight. He was acting rediculous.</p>
<p>Ella interrupted the moment when she slid past Harry's legs and sat down, once again obstructing his view. She leaned into him and that was Harry's cue to stare back at the screen. He wanted to be the one with him. It didn't make sense, but it was proof that desire and logic were two very separate things.</p>
<p>What if Ella tried to kiss him tonight? What if he responds? Harry couldn't deal with this jealousy already, and nothing had even happened yet. His dating girls from school had become something he'd forced himself to accept. Louis was after all his stepbrother, straight, supposedly disliked him and would be moving back to LA when school ends. The reality was in Harry's mind, that nothing would ever happen between them. Dispite that, Louis messing around with his best friend would not be okay with him. She would tell him every last detail and wouldn't hold back.</p>
<p>Somewhere in the midst of his thoughts, the movie finally finished. The main character was smiling, so it must if been a happy ending. Nick's hand rested on Harry's lower back as they exited the theatre. In the bright florescent lights of the crowded lobby, Louis looked even more stunning. Ella grabbed onto his arm possessively. He wanted to hate her for it, but she had no clue of his feelings for him.</p>
<p>The situation was overwhelming him. He needed to be alone for a few minutes. "Guys, I'm going to the toilet. You should decide where we're going to eat."</p>
<p>Harry decided to duck into one of the toilets/ baby changing rooms so he could have a few minutes on his own. Upon entering he let out a deep breath. After he peed and washed his hands he was reluctant to head back outside, so he stayed staring at himself in the mirror. Anger and frustration coursed through him the more he thought about his fucked up date. He picked up his phone and texted Louis.</p>
<p>**Harry: Why are you really here? Do you even like Ella?**</p>
<p>Harry immediately regretted that impulsive move. His phone vibrated.</p>
<p>**Louis: What if I do?**</p>
<p>Wishing he'd never said anything, he had no answer and just stared at his phone. Louis texted again.</p>
<p>**Louis: I don't.**</p>
<p>He hadn't realized he was holding in so much breath until a massive sigh of relief escaped him.</p>
<p>**Harry: Then, why are you here?**</p>
<p>**Louis: To get a rise out of you.**</p>
<p>**Harry: Why?**</p>
<p>**Louis: Because I get off on it.**</p>
<p>**Harry: Why.**</p>
<p>**Louis: I can't answer that question anymore than you can tell me why you look at me the way you do even do though I've treated you like shit.**</p>
<p>Oh. God. Until now, Harry hadn't realized how obvious his feelings were, how stupid and desperate he must have looked to Louis all this time.</p>
<p>**Louis: Have some self respect.**</p>
<p>What. The. Fuck. Now, he's seriously pissed Harry off. Wow.</p>
<p>**Harry: Don't worry. I won't be looking at you anymore.**</p>
<p>Harry just couldn't believe he'd said that to him. His eyes started to water, but he was determined not to let Louis see him upset. It took a few moments to compose himself before he walked back out to the lobby. As hard as it was, he refused to look at him. REFUSED. </p>
<p>"What the heck took so long?" Nick asked.</p>
<p>Harry shrugged. "The queues were huge. Ready to go?"</p>
<p>Ella and Louis walked in front of them. She was still hanging onto his arm while both his hands were in his pocket.</p>
<p>The four of them packed into Nick's Audi and drove to an American style diner (Ella's idea). Avoiding his stepbrother became a much bigger challenge in the confines of a small booth where they were sitting right across from eachother. Still, Harry kept to his word. He never looked up at Louis and pretend to enjoy being immersed in conversation with Nick, who was sitting to his left. They ordered food, and so far, he'd been successful in not making eye contact with Louis.</p>
<p>"So Harry, there's this party next Friday at Alex Franco's house. I wanted you to come with me." Nick said.</p>
<p>Harry nodded. "Sure. Sounds like fun."</p>
<p>"Good." Nick leaned in and lightly kissed the side of Harry's face.</p>
<p>Louis was mindlessly playing with some sugar packets. If Harry was Ella, he'd find it peculiar that his "date" wasn't even talking to him. But what did he know? thought harry.</p>
<p>She did try to make conversation. "So Louis, what are your plans for when school ends?"</p>
<p>"To get the hell out of England."</p>
<p>And that was all she got. A few minutes later, he seemed to be texting under the table. Then, Harry's phone vibrated.</p>
<p>**Louis: Bet I can make you look at me.**</p>
<p>Harry ignored him and didn't text back.</p>
<p>A few seconds later their food arrived and they all dived in. Harry happily dug into his pancakes when he heard Louis say to Ella, "You have some milkshake right there."</p>
<p>"Where?" </p>
<p>"Here," he said before pulling her into him and tongue kissing her right in front of them. Harry watched in horror as he did to her mouth, the same thing he had don't to him during the encounter at the café. Harry's faced burned up in anger as Louis slowly and sensually moved his mouth over hers.</p>
<p>"Damn, you two, get a room." Nick said.</p>
<p>When Louis finally backed away, Ella covered her mouth and said, "Wow. . . And here I was thinking you weren't interested." She laughed.</p>
<p>Harry's stare burned into Louis's, and he silently mouthed, "Told you."</p>
<p>"Excuse me," Harry said to Nick and he exit the booth and promptly asked the waitress where he could find the restroom. Before he could get there though, Ella cornered him in the hallway just outside it.</p>
<p>"What was that?" She asked.</p>
<p>Harry leaned against the wall. "What was what?"</p>
<p>"That whole thing. . . Louis kissing me like that, and then you running off. Do you. . . Like him? Did it upset you that he kissed me?"</p>
<p>Harry dodged the inquiries. "He can do whatever he wants. He just bugs me."</p>
<p>"You didn't answer my question."</p>
<p>Harry knew he couldn't admit the truth. "You know things between him and me are rocky, El. I also don't want to see you get hurt."</p>
<p>"Don't worry. I'm a big girl. I'm just having a little fun. I know he's leaving."</p>
<p>That's exactly what I'm afraid of. Thought Harry.</p>
<p>"Don't mind me, okay? Louis just gets under my skin. It's no big deal. I just needed a breather."</p>
<p>"Okay, if you say so." She crossed her arms. "Are you feeling good about Nick, though?"</p>
<p>"We'll see. He's. . . Nice. I think I'll definitely give him a chance."</p>
<p>"Good."</p>
<p>When Ella hugged him, he could smell Louis on her, and it made him crazy. Harry vowed in that moment to do whatever it took to shake this thing he had for Louis.</p>
<p>"You ready to go back out?" She asked.</p>
<p>"Yeah." Harry nodded and took a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm ready."</p>
<p>The events that took place next seemed to occur in rapid succession. As Harry and Ella walked back towards the booth, they heard silverware flying and then a loud crashing sound. A crowd of people gasped before Harry caught sight of Nick on the ground and Louis kicking the shit out of him. Nick's face was bloody, and Louis's mouth was also bleeding.</p>
<p>"Louis, what are you doing?!" Harry screamed.</p>
<p>He continued kicking Nick with all his might. The restaurant manager ran towards them along with a waiter who assisted in pulling Louis away from Nick who was Keeling over the ground in pain.</p>
<p>Harry bent down. "Nick, what happened?" </p>
<p>"That lunatic punched me for no reason and so, I hit him back. Then, he just started beating the shit out of me. I tripped, and he started kicking me when I was down."</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" Harry asked concerned.</p>
<p>"I'll be fine "</p>
<p>"You don't look fine."</p>
<p>Harry helped him up, and Nick leaned against him. The two men were still holding Louis down as police sirens approached in the distance. </p>
<p>Ella walked over to Louis. "What the hell is going on?"</p>
<p>He spat some blood on the floor. "Do NOT let Harry leave with him."</p>
<p>Harry looked over at Nick. "What started this? I don't understand."</p>
<p>"Nothing. That freak just attacked me."</p>
<p>"You fucking liar!" Louis shouted as he lunged forward to charge at Nick again, but the men holding his arms restrained him.</p>
<p>Two policemen walked in and began questioning each of the guys in separate corners. Ella and Harry stood at the sidelines, dazed and confused as to what could have possibly happened in the short time they were away talking to have caused this. Harry wished he could hear what they were saying to the police, but they were too far away.</p>
<p>After they were released, Louis walked straight past Ella and over to Harry. "Let's go. Your not getting in his car."</p>
<p>"Who the fuck do you think you are trying to take my date home?" Nick shouted.</p>
<p>"I am his home fucknut."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Arguements. Chinese food and . . .  Dildos??</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The taxi ride with Louis and Ella that night had been extremely uncomfortable. Nick had freaked out and taken off in his car after he found out Louis was actually Harry's stepbrother. The cause of what happened in that diner remained a mystery to Harry. The entire way back, Louis said nothing to either of them. He sat in the front while Harry and Ella sat in the back.</p>
<p>When they got home Louis went straight upstairs to his room and slammed the door so hard it made Harry jump. Harry had thought about trying to talk to him, but his better instincts told him to just let him be alone. By the time he woke up the following morning, Louis had already left for work for the day.</p>
<p>Anne sat at the granite island in the kitchen on the stool next to Harry. "Do you want to tell me what happened last night? Mark got a call from his police friend saying that Louis was involved in a fight over at the diner and that you were with him?"</p>
<p>Harry put down his cup of tea and rubbed his temples. "We were having food. . . Louis, Ella, myself and this guy, Nick, from school. Louis and he got into a fight. We don't know what started it because it happened when El and I went to the bathroom. So, I really don't know much more than than you."</p>
<p>"Well, Mark is fuming, and I don't know what to do about it."</p>
<p>"He needs to just let it go. Guys get into it sometimes, and it may not have been Louis's fault. You need to explain that to him."</p>
<p>"There's no talking to Mark when it comes to Louis." Anne sighed. "I don't understand it."</p>
<p>"Neither do I."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry had decided he was going to talk to Louis that night and had been waiting for him to come home all day. His shift finished at six, but he never came home.</p>
<p>Unable to sleep, a sinking feeling came over him. Finally, around midnight, Harry heard footsteps and the door to Louis's room slowly open. At least he was home, Harry thought. A minute later, came the sound of his door bursting open.</p>
<p>"What the fuck, Louis? You stink of alcohol." He heard Mark yell.</p>
<p>Harry jumped out of bed and plastered his ear to the wall.</p>
<p>"Hey Da-da." Louis seemed to be sluring his words.</p>
<p>"Boy, you just continue to make me so damn proud. First, you start a fight and humiliate me in front of this entire community and now, you have the gall to set foot in my house drunk? Well, you're gonna wish you never came home."</p>
<p>"Really, what are you gonna do? Hit me? That's the one thing you haven't done. I'm so ready for it."</p>
<p>"You would love that, wouldn't you? I'm not gonna hit you."</p>
<p>"Right. .  . You're not gonna hit me. You're just gonna HATE me. .  . Like you always have. Sometimes, I wish you'd just hit me once and for all then leave me the fuck alone."</p>
<p>"Your a loser, Louis."</p>
<p>"Tell me something you haven't before."</p>
<p>"Okay then, I've got news for you. I'm not going to pay for college when you go home after all. I'm taking the money I would have allotted to you and giving it to Harry."</p>
<p>What? No! Harry thought.</p>
<p>Mark continued, "I'm not wasting my hard earned money on a fuck-up who wants to be a pansy writer. If you decide you want to have a real career some day, come talk to me. Until then, I'm not spending a penny on you."</p>
<p>"You were never planning on paying for my college anyway, and you know it "</p>
<p>"Why would I want to. . . For someone who's done nothing but disappoint me from the day he was born?"</p>
<p>"That was the start, wasn't it. . . The day I was born? I never stood a fucking chance, did I? Because mun never aborted me like you asked her to."</p>
<p>"That's a fucking lie. Did she tell you that?"</p>
<p>"Even if she hadn't told me, I could if guessed it. Is that why you've been slowly killing me with your words my entire life to make up for it?"</p>
<p>Harry's heart was breaking.</p>
<p>"Have I? Then why aren't you dead yet, Louis?"</p>
<p>Harry gasped in horror. He couldn't stand back and listen to this anymore. He ran into the next room and was horrified to find Louis sitting at the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. His back was rising and falling with heavy breaths that escaped him.</p>
<p>"Mark. .  . Stop! Please stop!" Mark stood there with his arms crosses, looking at Harry blankly. In that moment, the man standing in front of him might as well have been a total stranger. "He's your son. You son! I don't care what you convince yourself he did to justify talking to your child like that." </p>
<p>"Harry, you don't understand our history. . ." Mark said.</p>
<p>"I don't need to know anything to understand that the words that came out if your mouth tonight cut deeper than any weapon could. And I'm not gonna stand here and let you abuse him like that."</p>
<p>Neither of them said anything. The room was silent. Louis's breathing seemed to have calmed down and with that, so did Harry's."</p>
<p>Harry turned back to Mark. "You need to leave."</p>
<p>"Harry—"</p>
<p>"Leave!" Harry shouted at the top of his lungs.</p>
<p>Mark shook his head and walked out if the room, leaving Harry alone with Louis who was still in the same position. He ran back to his room and returned with a bottle of water, putting it up to Louis's mouth. "Drink this."</p>
<p>He gulped it down in one go then crushed the plastic and threw it. Harry kneeled down to pull off his shoes. Louis was sluring his words and muttering something Harry couldn't understand. Harry stood up and pulled his blanket down. "Lie down."</p>
<p>Louis took off his jacket, throwing it clumsily onto the floor and crawled over to his pillow. He layed on his stomach and closed his eyes.</p>
<p>Harry sat at the side of the bed and was still shaken by what he'd walked in on. He felt bad for Louis and was so ashamed of Mark. Harry knew he had to talk to his mother tomorrow. How could she have not overheard and intervened tonight?</p>
<p>Louis breathing had evened out. He had fallen asleep. Harry ran his hand once, gently through his silky caramel brown hair, relishing the ability to touch him freely without his knowing it. Harry's index finger brushed lightly over the cut on his lip that he sustained from the fight with Nick. The reason for Louis's constant anger he exhibited was now clearer to Harry than ever, yet he still felt he knew nothing about Louis's life.</p>
<p>He looked innocent in his sleep. Without the smirking or the glare in his eyes, it was easier to see past the harsh exterior in order to catch a glimpse of the boy hiding beneath — the same boy Harry had not realized had been damaged by the man married to his mother. A tear drop fell down Harry's cheek as he adjusted Louis blanket before exiting the room.</p>
<p>Back in his own bed, Harry thought about how ironic it was that the guy who'd done nothing but they and chase him away and intimidate him was the one person in the world he felt like he wanted to protect.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>    +++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time Harry got up the next morning, Mark and his mother had already taken off for an overnight trip to Brighton.</p>
<p>Anne had left him a note on the kitchen counter:</p>
<p>'Mark surprised me in the wee hours of the morning with a spontaneous trip to Brighton. He'd already packed the car by the time I woke up! I didn't want to wake you. It will only be the one night. We'll be back late Monday. There's plenty of leftovers for you and Louis in the fridge. Call me if you need anything. Love you.'</p>
<p>How convenient, thought Harry. He was sure Mark had arranged this to avoid having to deal with what happened last night. Harry immediately grabbed his phone and texted his mother.</p>
<p>**Harry: Enjoy your trip, but when you get back we seriously need to talk about what's going on with Mark and Louis.**</p>
<p>Louis didn't come downstairs until two that afternoon. He looked like death warmed up and dragged his feet over to the kettle, his hair disheveled and his eyes bloodshot.</p>
<p>"Good morning, sunshine." Harry said.</p>
<p>Louis voice was groggy as he whispered, "Hey." He poured himself some tea and downed it.</p>
<p>"So, apparently, our parents took off on an overnight trip. They'll be back Monday night."</p>
<p>"That's too bad." He said.</p>
<p>"That they went away?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"No, that they're coming back."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry abou—"</p>
<p>"I can't do this." Louis shut his eyes and held out his palm. "I can't talk to you. Everytime you speak, it sounds like a chainsaw.</p>
<p>"Sorry. I get it. Your hungover."</p>
<p>"Well, there's that, too."</p>
<p>Harry rolled his eyes and Louis winked, causing Harry's heart to flutter.</p>
<p>Harry sat crossed legs on the sofa adjacent to the kitchen. "What are your plans for today?"</p>
<p>"Well, first, I have to find my head."</p>
<p>Harry laughed. "And then?"</p>
<p>"I dunno." Louis said, shrugging his shoulders.</p>
<p>"Would you want to get a take away later?" Harry asked, trying hard to seem casual.</p>
<p>Louis looked apprehensive and rubbed the scruff on his chin. "Um. . ."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>He checked his phone. "No, actually, ugh. . . I have a date."</p>
<p>"With who?"</p>
<p>"With, um. . ."</p>
<p>"You don't know?" Harry laughed.</p>
<p>Louis scratched his forehead. "Give me a minute. . ."</p>
<p>Harry shook his head. "That's sad."</p>
<p>"Oh! With Kylie. . . Yeah. . . Kylie."</p>
<p>If Kylie only knew how interchangeable she was. Harry was just secretly relived he didn't say Ella, because he knew she still had it in her mind to contact him dispite the scene he caused on their "double date". She'd texted Louis at least once yesturday, and her desperation really annoyed Harry.</p>
<p>Early that evening, Harry had curled up on the couch with a book when Louis walked downstairs. Harry instinctively sat up and straightened his clothes. Louis cologne wafting through the room was enough of an aphrodisiac before Harry even turned to look at him. Louis was dressed in black jeans and a fitted maroon shirt rolled up at the sleeves. His hair was styled into a controlled mess, and aside from the cut in his lip, he looked better than Harry had ever seen him. Actually, Harry thought, even the damn cut was sexy. The energy in the room seemed to change anytime Louis walked into it. All of Harry's senses were hyper aware of him.</p>
<p>Harry remembered the text from the other night: 'have some self respect.' Harry forced himself to return to his book since apparently, he couldn't seem to hide his attraction whenever he looked at him. Just thinking about the text again put Harry in a bad mood. He had kind of forgotten about his vow to never look at Louis again after everything that happened with Nick and Mark.</p>
<p>He grabbed his keys. "I'm headed out."</p>
<p>"Okay." Harry said, making sure to keep his eyes fixed on the book.</p>
<p>The door slammed shut, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief. It had been a long time since he had the house to himself and although the pathetic side if him wished Louis had stayed in, there was something said for privacy. </p>
<p>Harry ended up ordering some Chinese food to be delivered. Shortly after opening the carton of chicken fried rice, the text alert on his phone sounded.</p>
<p>**Louis: I had a flashback from last night.**</p>
<p>**Harry: Oh?**</p>
<p>**Louis: You were on your knees at the foot of my bed. Did you take advantage of me?**</p>
<p>**Harry: You'd better be joking. No! I was taking off you shoes, drunkass.**</p>
<p>**Louis: Kinky. A foot fetish?**</p>
<p>**Harry: You're not serious. . .**</p>
<p>**Louis: ;-)**</p>
<p>**Harry: Aren't you supposed to be on a date?**</p>
<p>**Louis: I am.**</p>
<p>**Harry: Then, why don't you pay attention to her?**</p>
<p>**Louis:Because I'd rather bug you.**</p>
<p>A phone call interrupted Harry's thoughts before he could text Louis back. It was Nick. Crap. Harry wasn't sure whether to pick up.</p>
<p>"Hello?"</p>
<p>"Hey Harry."</p>
<p>"Hi. What's up?"</p>
<p>"Louis isn't there, is he?" Nick asked.</p>
<p>"No. Why?"</p>
<p>"You left your jacket in my car the other night. Can I come by and give it to you?"</p>
<p>"Um. . . Sure. I guess that would be okay."</p>
<p>"Great. I should be there in twenty minutes."</p>
<p>Harry hung up and noticed that Louis had sent several more texts while he'd been in the phone with Nick.</p>
<p>**Louis: Actually, my date is a dude.**</p>
<p>**Louis: A dud! I meant to type my date turned out to be a dud.**</p>
<p>**Louis: LMAO **</p>
<p>**Louis: #notadude #louislovespussy**</p>
<p>**Louis: Where the fuck r u?**</p>
<p>Laughing hysterically, Harry typed.</p>
<p>**Harry: Sorry, that was Nick. He called. I left my jacket in his car the other night and he's dropping it off.**</p>
<p>A couple of seconds later Harry's phone rang.</p>
<p>"The fuck he is! You're not letting that guy into the house."</p>
<p>"He's just dropping off my jacket."</p>
<p>"Call him back and tell him to leave it in the doorstep."</p>
<p>"I'm not gonna do that. There's no reason to. Whatever happened is between you and him."</p>
<p>Then the call dropped. He hung up. Harry thought Louis had some nerve telling him what to do like that without a good explanation.</p>
<p>Ten minutes later Harry's feet flew off the couch when the front door opened.</p>
<p>Louis was out if breath. "Did he show up?"</p>
<p>What the heck, Harry thought. "Not yet. Why are you here?"</p>
<p>"You didn't sound like you were paying attention to me. So, I had no choice but to come home."</p>
<p>"If you won't explain to me why you want me to stay away from Nick, how do you expect me to listen to you?"</p>
<p>Louis ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Just then, the door bell rang, and Louis beat Harry to the door and opened it.</p>
<p>Nick's face turned white. "What are you doing home? He said you weren't here."</p>
<p>Louis swiped the jacket out of Nick's hands and slammed the door in his face. Then, he locked it.</p>
<p>"I'm going after him. Get out of my way." Harry said.</p>
<p>Louis crossed his arms in front of the door. "You'll have to get past me. And can't you hear his car taking off right now? He's a fucking sissy."</p>
<p>Harry let out a breath and gave up, deciding to move past it. He didn't really want to see Nick but remained annoyed by Louis's controlling behaviour. Harry didn't think Louis had a right to interfere in his life when Louis closed himself off to him in return.</p>
<p>The tension in the air was thick as Harry walked back over to his food on the coffee table. They didn't speak for several minutes before Harry broke the ice. "There's some Chinese on the counter if you want some."</p>
<p>Louis still looked irate and didn't respond. He walked over to the counter, grabbed a container of chow mein and started inhaling it.</p>
<p>"Hungry? Didn't you eat on your date?"</p>
<p>He slurped a noodle into his mouth. "Nope."</p>
<p>"Was she upset that you basically abandoned her?"</p>
<p>"No." He said with his mouth full.</p>
<p>Harry walked over to the counter and leaned on it, then asked, "if you didn't eat, what did you do? Or do I really want to know?"</p>
<p>"Um. . . Katie wanted to go bowling."</p>
<p>"I thought you said her name was Kylie."</p>
<p>Louis grinned guiltily as he bit into a spring roll. "Whoops."</p>
<p>Unsure what to make of that Harry rolled his eyes at him and reached for the last spring roll before Louis inhaled that too. He took a bite. "I was gonna watch a movie on Netflix if you want to join."</p>
<p>Louis stopped eating for a moment and then glared at Harry. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"</p>
<p>"Excuse me?"</p>
<p>"It doesn't matter how shitty I treat you. . . You still try to hang out with me."</p>
<p>Harry felt like steam was about to blow out of his ears. "No one asked you to come home tonight! I was actually enjoying having the house to myself."</p>
<p>"Really? Were you gonna lie in the couch with your dildo or something?"</p>
<p>Harry's heart dropped. His dildo. Shit! It had been a joke present from Ella for his last birthday, it wasn't long after he had come out and she thought it was funny. It had been in his underwear drawer, too. He had completely forgotten about it. He hasn't even used it yet. The size of it in intimidate Harry a bit. You'd think she would of got him something smaller, but it was larger than average and he just wasn't ready to try it. Louis obviously must of taken it too.</p>
<p>Louis continues. "Look at your face. You just realized it was missing? How have you been getting off? Either your wrist must be sore or you must be in serious need of tension relief."</p>
<p>Harry's face must have turned a hundred shades of red. "You bastard."<br/>Harry felt his eye start to twitch.</p>
<p>"You're winking at me again. Sorry, I can't help you out. Maybe you need to watch. . . A different kind of movie tonight?"</p>
<p>Louis words from the other night once again replayed in Harry's head. "Have some self-respect."</p>
<p>Harry decided he was done with Louis tonight. He would take the high road and go back to his room without saying another word but not before he grabbed the container of noodles and dumped it all over Louis lap. Louis raspy laugh cut through Harry as he made his way up the stairs.</p>
<p>That night, Harry was still fuming as he squirmed around in his sheets. Who did Louis thing he was with his passive aggressive behaviour? Louis had tried to play it off like Harry was the one seeking his attention, when he'd been the one texting Harry during his date before coming home early to intrude on his encounter with Nick.</p>
<p>Harry's obsessive thoughts continued untill two in the morning when he was interrupted by what sounded like yelling coming from Louis's room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Opening up, explanations,  dildos tickles?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm nervous about this one guys I hope you like it 🙂</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis was tossing and turning as he cried out, "Mum, please. No! Wake up!" His breathing was erratic and all of his bedding had fallen on the floor.</p>
<p>"Pleeeeeease!" He screamed.</p>
<p>Harry's heart was pounding as he shook him. "Louis! Louis. It's just a dream."</p>
<p>Still in a state of semi-sleep, Louis gripped and squeezed Harry's arm so hard that it hurt. When Louis's eyes flew open, he still seemed in a haze. Beads of sweat glistened on his forehead. He sat up and looked at Harry in shock as if he didn't know where he was.</p>
<p>"It's Harry. You were having a nightmare. I heard you yelling and thought something was wrong. It's okay. You're okay."</p>
<p>Louis's breathing was still intense but slowly regulated. When his grip loosened on Harry's arm, clarity returned to his eyes.</p>
<p>He let go of Harry. "This is the second time I've caught you you in my room when I've been in a state of semi-consciousness. How do I know you're not just hanging out here doing things to me while I'm sleeping."</p>
<p>Are you kidding me? Harry thought. He'd had enough of Louis's shit. Maybe it was the fact that Harry was wired from no sleep or maybe it was because he'd just hit his limit with all of Louis's jabs, but instead of responding, Harry pushed him with all him might. It may have been a juvenile thing, but Harry had been dying to do it, and this moment seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Louis laughed heartedly which pissed Harry off even more.</p>
<p>"Well, it's about time." Louis said.</p>
<p>"Excuse me?" Harry responded, confused.</p>
<p>"I've been waiting for you to lose it on me."</p>
<p>"You think it's funny that you caused me to resort to that?"</p>
<p>"No, I think you're funny. . . Like really funny. Nothing has ever given me more amusement than you busting your chops."</p>
<p>"Well, great. Glad I could do that for you." Fuck. The tears were starting to form in Harry's eyes. This couldn't be happening to him now, he thought. He tried to cover his face but knew Louis had seen the first teardrop fall.</p>
<p>Louis's smile faded. "What the fuck?"</p>
<p>Harry needed to leave. He turned around and left, slamming his bedroom door behind him. He climbed into bed, pulled his blanket over his head and shut his eyes even though sleep surely would be impossible.</p>
<p>Harry's door slowly creaked open, and the light was turned on.</p>
<p>"Peace offering?" Harry heard Louis say.</p>
<p>When Harry turned around, to his mortification, Louis was standing there with a dick in his hands. Not any dick. Harry's dick. His dildo. His purple, larger than average rubber penis.</p>
<p>Louis waved it. " Nothing says I'm sorry like a dick and a smile."</p>
<p>Harry turned back around and hid under the blanket.</p>
<p>"Come on. Were you seriously crying in there?"</p>
<p>The room was silent as Harry stayed under the covers. He assumed Louis would just leave if he ignored him. Harry knew he was wrong when he felt the weight of him on his bed.</p>
<p>"If you won't smile, then I'll just have to tickle you with your boyfriend here.</p>
<p>He touched it to Harry's hip and turned it in so it vibrated. Harry flinched and pushed the blanket off himself. He didn't even know it could vibrate. He tried grabbing the dildo, but Louis wouldn't let go. Louis continued ticking Harry with it in quick movements: the bottom of his foot, behind his knees, his side's. Harry was fighting the urge to laugh. "Stop!"</p>
<p>"Not a chance."</p>
<p>Harry lost all control when Louis got it under his armpit, which caused Harry to start giggling hysterically. Louis's own laughter vibrated against his ear. How did he end up rolling around in bed in the middle of the night with Louis holding a rubber cock against him, Harry thought. Harry was laughing so hard he thought he might die from it. Death by dildo. Louis finally turned it off, and it took Harry several minutes to catch his breath and calm down.</p>
<p>"Why stop now?"</p>
<p>"The point was to get you to laugh. Mission accomplished." He handed Harry the dildo. "Here."</p>
<p>"Thanks."</p>
<p>Louis lifted a brow. "Party in your pants tomorrow night? I might be tempted to watch. Should I bring chips n'dip?"</p>
<p>"Very funny. I actually haven't used it before." Harry said, placing it in his bedside table. He made a mental note to find a better hiding spot for it later. </p>
<p>Louis stayed laying next to Harry with his head leaning against the headboard. Even though they weren't touching, Harry could feel the warmth from Louis as they lay side by side in silence.</p>
<p>Harry's eyes wandered to Louis tanned chest and toned stomach, desire started to build up inside him. Louis boxers were peeking out of the top his gray sweatpants and his feet were bare. It dawned on Harry just how sexy that was. He forced his eyes off of Louis and stared at the ceiling.</p>
<p>Louis voice was low. "I really didn't want to come here, Harry."</p>
<p>It was the first time Louis had ever said his name. Harry thought it sounded good coming out of Louis's mouth. He turned to him as Louis continued staring away from Harry when he spoke again.</p>
<p>"I was this close to skipping that flight and going somewhere else."</p>
<p>"What made you change your mind?"</p>
<p>"I couldn't do that to my mother. I didn't want her to have to worry about me while she's away."</p>
<p>"I can see why you didn't want to be here now. I didn't understand it at first, but after listening to the way Mark spoke to you, I can understand why you have so much anger towards him. I guess, what I can't understand is why you took it out on Nick the other night."</p>
<p>"Why do you assume that fight was my fault?"</p>
<p>"Because you won't explain it to me, and you were the one kicking him when he was down."</p>
<p>Louis let out a single angry laugh. "I also look like the bad guy, right? So, every person in that diner just assumed I flew off the handle for no fucking reason other than to beat up that pretty boy for fun. I may have a record. . . For underage drinking and smoking weed once. But never in my lifetime have I ever attacked someone or even thrown a punch before that night."</p>
<p>Wow.</p>
<p>"Why won't you tell me what happened?"</p>
<p>"Because despite what you think and despite the fact that I love messing with you. . . I don't really want to see you hurt."</p>
<p>"I don't get it."</p>
<p>Louis finally turned his body towards Harry and looked at him for the first time. "Mark had told me you were gay before I got here and that first night when you walked in on me in the bathroom, I wanted to shock you. You said you'd never seen another guy naked before. I assumed you were kidding. Now, I actually feel guilty about pulling that shit in you."</p>
<p>Harry repositioned himself, feeling a little nervous about where this was going. "Okay. . . What does that have to do with what we were talking about?"</p>
<p>"Fucknut didn't know I was your stepbrother, so when you left the table, he started bragging about how he was gonna take you to that party next week, get you drunk somehow and fuck you. Your ex- boyfriend made a bet with him that he couldn't get you in bed because you're a virgin. If you ended up giving it up with Nick, your ex was gonna give him £100.</p>
<p>Harry covered his mouth. "Oh my god."</p>
<p>Louis nodded slowly with a sympathetic look. "So, yeah. . . I fucked him up."</p>
<p>"You let everyone think you were to blame. You took all that shit from Mark over it! You were just protecting me?"</p>
<p>"I didn't know how to break that news to you about what they were planning. But clearly, tonight, my warning to stay away from him wasn't getting through to you, so I needed to tell you."</p>
<p>"Thank you."</p>
<p>"I like to give you a hard time. It started out as a way to get back at my father. . . Torture Anne's son. But eventually, getting under your skin sort of became this fun little game. Tonight, when you cried, I knew I'd taken it too far and that for you, it wasn't a game. As hard as it may be to believe, I never meant to hurt you, and I sure as fuck wouldn't stand by and let someone else hurt you, either."</p>
<p>Louis looked up at the ceiling again, and his lips bent into a frown as he pondered what he'd just said.</p>
<p>Harry lifted his index finger and brushed it softly across the spot in his lip that got cut in the fight. Louis closed his eyes, and Harry's heart started to pound furiously as Louis's breathing quickened with every stroke of Harry's finger over his warm lip. "I'm sorry you got hurt."</p>
<p>"It was worth it." Louis said without delay.</p>
<p>Harry stopped touching him, and Louis looked at him. The sarcastic glare he used to give Harry was replaced with a look of sincerity. Since Harry had his attention he used the opportunity to change the subject. "You want to be a writer?"</p>
<p>Louis returned his gaze to the ceiling. "I am a writer. I've been writing since I was a little boy."</p>
<p>"What's lucky and the Lad about? Why were you ashamed to show it to me?</p>
<p>Looking uncomfortable, Louis repositioned his body. "I just wasn't ready to talk about it." He smiled and hesitantly said, "Lucky was my dog, actually."</p>
<p>Harry contained his smile. "You wrote a story about him?"</p>
<p>"Sort of. It's like a supernatural version of my life with him. Lucky was not only my best friend, but he was the only thing that could calm me down when I was younger. I suffered from pretty bad ADHD back then and had to be on medication for a while. When my mother brought Lucky home, my behaviour improved dramatically. So, while the story is based loosely on Lucky and me, it's really about a boy who has superpowers that he uses to help solve crimes, but he can only decipher all the noise in his head when the dog is with him. The dog gets kidnapped as blackmail at one point, and the rest of the story becomes about getting Lucky back. It's set in Ireland."</p>
<p>"What happened to Lucky?"</p>
<p>"Lucky died shortly after Mark left my mother. So, it was a lot happening at once."</p>
<p>Harry reached out his hand on Louis's arm. "I'm sorry, Louis."</p>
<p>"It's okay."</p>
<p>Looking down at his hand sitting atop Louis's tattoos, he thought long and hard about asking his next question. "Why does he treat you like that?"</p>
<p>Louis looked over at Harry. "Thank you for standing up to him last night. I wasn't that drunk. I heard everything you said, and I'll never forget it." Louis closed his eyes. "But I don't want to talk about him, Harry. It's a long story, and it's too complicated to get into at two-thirty in the morning."</p>
<p>Harry wasn't going to press his luck. This was more than he'd ever gotten out if Louis. "Okay. We don't have to talk about it." After a long moment of silence, Harry asked, "can I read your book?"</p>
<p>He laughed and shook his head. "Wow. Your just a million questions tonight."</p>
<p>"I guess I'm just excited that I'm finally meeting my stepbrother."</p>
<p>Louis nodded in understanding. "I don't know if I want you to read my book. No one's ever read it. I keep telling myself I'm gonna figure it out and publish it, but I never do. It's not perfect, but it's the story I'm most happy with. I'm pretty sure there are lots of mistakes I haven't caught."</p>
<p>"I would love to read it. And if I catch any mistakes, I can let you know. English is sort of my thing."</p>
<p>Louis smiled and rolled his eyes. "I'll think about it."</p>
<p>"Okay. Fair enough."</p>
<p>When Louis turned to harry, the blue of his eyes lit up with the lamplight. He made himself comfortable and relaxed into the pillows. "Tell me about your father."</p>
<p>Harry sighed and stared off. "His name was Des. He was a good man, a firefighter, actually. My mum was 17 when she met him, he was a bit older—in his twenties—so some people gave them grief but he was her one true love. We had a simple life, but it was a good one. He always said I was his pride and joy. One day, he just started complaining about a cough and within a month he was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. It took him from us less than six months later."</p>
<p>Louis placed a warm palm over Harry's, which was still grasping Louis's arm. Then he ran his fingers through Harry's own. His touch felt electric to Harry. He never imagined that just holding someone's hand could feel more than anything ever had up until that point.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry you had to go through that." He said.</p>
<p>"Me too. He left me some letters, one for every year until I'm 30. So, on my birthday, I read them." Harry shook his head. "I didn't even get to tell him that I'm gay." </p>
<p>"He'd be proud of you I'm sure. Your a good person."</p>
<p>Harry didn't really know what he'd done to deserve this glimpse into what Louis was like behind the tough act, but he loved it. At the same time, he expected it to end at any moment.</p>
<p>"Thanks." Harry caught his eyes lingering on his and abruptly turned away. Louis removed his hand from Harry's, and he felt it on his chin as Louis brought his face back to meet his stare again.</p>
<p>"Don't do that."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"You turned away from me. That's my fault. I made you feel like I didn't want you looking at me—that self-respect bullshit I fed you. Out of everything I ever said to you, that was the biggest lie, and I regret it the most. I'd started to let my walls down, and it freaked me out. I never had a problem with the way you look at me. My issue is the way it makes me feel, things I've never felt before, things I'm not supposed to feel, things I can't let myself feel for you. At the same time. . . Nothing felt worse than when you stopped looking at me Harry."</p>
<p>Did Louis have feelings for him?</p>
<p>"What does it look like I'm thinking when I look at you?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"I think you like me even though you think you're not supposed to." Harry smiled in silent agreement as Louis continued. " You're trying to figure me out constantly." </p>
<p>"You don't make it easy Louis."</p>
<p>"Sometimes, you also look at me like you want me to kiss you again, but that you wouldn't be sure what to do if I did. That kiss. . . Was why I got the hell out of that cafe so fast. It started as a joke, but it sure felt real to me. I've never had a kiss like that before."</p>
<p>Harry's heart leaped to know Louis had felt what he did that day. </p>
<p>"Are you. .  . Attracted to me?" Harry felt immediately stupid for having it blurted out. "I mean. . . I always assumed you were completely straight. The string of girls you bring home always seemed evident enough."</p>
<p>Louis looked slightly pained. "Those girls, they're. . . Easy. . . For lack of a better word, but they haven't been doing anything for me really." </p>
<p>The tension grew thicker in the air as Louis's eyes trailed the length of Harry's body from head to toe.</p>
<p>"Truthfully?" Harry nodded. "Honestly, I've never been attracted to another guy before, and I've certainly never thought of them as pretty, but I'm struggling to stop myself thinking that way about you." </p>
<p>Harry was holding his breath, as Louis moved in closer and his voiced lowered.</p>
<p>"That night we went to the movies, everytime that prick would drag his hands all over you, it would drive me insane. I wanted to be the one touching you."</p>
<p>Harry couldn't help it. He edged in even closer and put his hand on the scruff of Louis's face. Dying to taste his mouth, Harry ran his finger tip across his lip. "Really."</p>
<p>Louis nodded his head and slowly caressed Harry's cheek. He leaned into Harry, whispering softly over his lips. "Your really pretty, Harry."</p>
<p>The need to kiss him overwhelmed Harry. "Kiss me." Harry sighed.</p>
<p>Louis continued to speak over Harry's lips, his breathing laboured. "It's not that I don't want to kiss you. I want that so fucking badly right now. But I just—"</p>
<p>Harry didn't wait for him to finish. He took what he wanted, what he needed.</p>
<p>Louis moaned into Harry's mouth when Harry's lips covered his. Louis planted each of his hands on either side of Harry's face. Without the hot sauce from their previous encounter, Harry was able to just taste him and knew immediately that there was no going back for him. He didn't know if it was his hormones or if the past several weeks were just major foreplay, but Harry felt completely out of control. The noises coming from the back of Louis's throat made Harry even hungrier for him. </p>
<p>Then Louis took over and started to kiss Harry harder, more demanding. Harry pushed his body into Louis's and felt Louis's erection press against his own. He didn't care about the consequences in that moment, Harry just knew that he never wanted this to stop.</p>
<p>Then, Louis pulled away from Harry suddenly, looking stunned. Louis eyes widened, almost like he'd woken up from a dream. "Fuck. .  . Harry. This can never happen again."</p>
<p>Harry felt humiliated. "Why would you say that after everything you just told me?"</p>
<p>Louis rested his head against the headboard, looking almost tortured. "It was important to me that you know how much I want you and how beautiful I think you are—inside and out—because I feel like I've beaten down your self-esteem even though it wasn't my intention. I meant everything I just said, but that kiss should not have happened. I shouldn't even be in this fucking bed, but it felt so good to just lie here with you for a while." He ran both his hands through his hair, messing it up then looked at Harry with darkened eyes. "You're the only person in the world that's forbidden, and fuck me if it doesn't make me want you more than anything."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Pringles, manuscripts and feeling sad.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nearly a month passed since that encounter in Harry's bedroom. Louis had left Harry's bed that night shortly after repeating that Harry was strictly off limits and that nothing could ever happen between them. It didn't make sense to Harry considering they weren't actually related. So he wondered if it had something to do with Louis being uncomfortable that Harry was a guy or that there was more to the story.</p>
<p>The worst part about what happened in his room was that Louis had started to distance himself. There were no rude texts, no more invited to play video games. When they were home at the same time, Louis would stay in his room, and Harry in his. If Louis wasn't in work he was spending his time away from the house.</p>
<p>Harry never thought he'd miss the insults and crude talk, but Harry would have given anything for things to at least go back to the way they were before he kissed Louis. </p>
<p>Harry missed him.</p>
<p>Then, one night after dinner, the tides changed, and Harry got a little piece of him back. Normally, Louis never ate at home, but this particular Wednesday night, for some reason, he decided to join them. Ever since the night Harry saw how badly Mark treated him, he'd all but avoided his stepfather, except for sitting down with him at dinner. Harry and his mother were not really on the best of terms either because she continued to insist that it wasn't her place to get involved in Mark's issues with Louis.</p>
<p>Louis wasn't making eye contact with Harry at the table. He'd just look down and twirl the pasta around his fork. At one point, Harry stared out the window to gaze at the neighbor's laundry lined up and drying in the breeze. Harry could feel Louis's eyes on him. It was as if Louis was waiting for Harry to turn away so that he could look at him when he thought Harry didn't notice. Sure enough, when Harry turned towards him, Louis's head moved downwards again, and he was back to playing with his spaghetti.</p>
<p>Mark was in a rare form that night, complaining that the spaghetti did nothing to curb his appetite. He abruptly got up and walked over to the snack cupboard.</p>
<p>"Harry, what the hell are you doing stuffing all these underpants inside the Pringle cans? Wait. . . Are these women's underwear too?" He yelled.</p>
<p>Harry's mouth hung open, and he looked over at Louis. They stared at eachother for a good few seconds before Louis snorted and lost it. They both simultaneously burst into laughter. Neither of them could stop. Harry loved the sound of his genuine laugh. Looking over at Mark's confused face made Harry crack up even harder.</p>
<p>When the laughter dissipated, Louis was still smiling at Harry and said low enough just for the two of them to hear, "I told you they weren't in my room."</p>
<p>Mark slammed the cans of pringles on the table in front of Harry and walked away shaking his head. Harry opened them and checked the inventory. "These aren't all of them."</p>
<p>Louis winked. "I kept a couple for me." He said seductively.</p>
<p>Harry rolled his eyes and threw a pair of boxers at his face. Louis promptly put it on his head and wore it like a beanie. Only his stepbrother would look smoking hot with a pair of underwear on his head, Harry thought. Louis continued looking at Harry with that wicked grin he'd longed for. Harry felt good to have his attention again, albeit briefly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>       +++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night Harry was getting dressed for bed when his phone buzzed.</p>
<p>**Louis: Can you come in here for a minute?**</p>
<p>Harry's heart raced as he walked down the hall. When Louis opened the door, Harry thought he looked incredibly sexy. His breath smelled like mint toothpaste.</p>
<p>"Hey." Louis said, flashing a beautiful smile.</p>
<p>"Hi." Harry stepped inside the room and took a deep breath, noticing that the clove cigarette smell was almost completely gone. Louis was wearing a black zip up hoodie with his sleeves rolled up. It was left open over his bare chest, and his hair was still drenched from the shower. Harry stared at Louis's lips, the cut had long healed. Louis licked his lips and Harry had never yearned for anything more than to feel Louis's mouth and tongue against his own again.<br/>Kissing him.<br/>Licking him.<br/>Biting him.<br/>Harry needed to change the subject.</p>
<p>"Why does it smell so fresh and clean in here?</p>
<p>Louis lay back in the bed with his hands resting behind his head. Harry couldn't help staring at the V just below his toned stomach and wished he could lie in tip of him against his skin.</p>
<p>"Are you saying my room normally smells like shit?"</p>
<p>"Did you quit smoking?"</p>
<p>"I'm trying."</p>
<p>"Really?" </p>
<p>"Yeah. . . This weird guy who walks around commando once told me that it was bad for me. So. . . I thought about it and finally listened."</p>
<p>"I'm really proud of you."</p>
<p>Louis sat up straight and looked at Harry. "Well, the truth is, you were right. That shit will kill me someday. A lot of aspects and my life may suck, but there are other things that make it worth living."</p>
<p>Something in the air seemed to shift when Louis said that, and an awkward silence ensued.</p>
<p>Harry cleared his throat. "Why did you need me to come in here?"</p>
<p>Louis walked over to his wardrobe to get something. Then, Harry realized it was Louis's book, he handed Harry the binder. "I wanted to give you this. I want you to read it."</p>
<p>"Seriously?"</p>
<p>"I don't let anyone read my shit, Harry. This is a big step for me. Whatever you do, don't show Mark. I don't want him anywhere near it."</p>
<p>Harry nodded his head. "Okay. I promise. Thank you for trusting me with it."</p>
<p>"Be honest, too. I can take it."</p>
<p>"I will. I'll take my time with it."</p>
<p>     +++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry had gone straight to his room that night and started reading. Minutes turned to hours. He'd told Louis he'd take his time with it, but the truth was, he couldn't put it down and ended up staying up the entire night to finish it.</p>
<p>Even though the story was told in the third person, and the boy named Liam was supposedly only loosely based on Louis, it felt like he was getting a window into Louis's mind and soul through Liam's character.</p>
<p>There were too many similarities that Harry knew were derived from Louis's life, particularly the fact that Liam's father was verbally abusive. The beginning of the story before lucky came into the picture was quite sad. At the same time, it would make Harry cry in one part and literally laugh in the next. There were actually lots of funny parts separate from the main plot.</p>
<p>In once scene, Liam had a crush on a girl across the street, so he asked Lucky to go to her house. His hope was that the girl would think lucky was lost and that the dog would lead her back to Liam's house. Instead, Lucky, who was a big dog, ended up humping the girls Pomeranian puppy out front. Liam watched from the window as she took her puppy inside and slammed the door. Lucky proceed to take a dump on her lawn before running back home to Liam empty-handed.</p>
<p>But the main plot surrounded Liam's ability to sense evil via his hypersensitive hearing. The information he received was not always clear, often jumbled unless Lucky was present. At one point, Liam took information surrounding the murder of a local girl to the police. It turned out that a corrupt police officer was behind the crime. He had Lucky kidnapped so that Liam wouldn't be able to help the authorities finish solving the murder. Lucky ended up escaping, and the reunion scene between Liam and the dog was so touching that it had Harry bawling.</p>
<p>Everything was depicted so realistically, from the vivid descriptions of the Ireland landscape to the emotions Liam experienced. There was even a fun bonus chapter written from the dogs point of view at the very end. Harry found only a few grammatical errors and jotted them down in a notebook for Louis.</p>
<p>By the end of the story, Harry had felt as though he'd fallen in love with the characters, which was a testament to Louis's writing. At the same time, Harry felt closer to Louis and was so honoured that he'd given Harry a glimpse into his incredibly creative mind. Harry needed to find the right words to properly explain to Louis how amazing this was. . . How amazing he was.</p>
<p>So, the next day, Harry decided that after school he would go to the public library and find a quiet corner and write down all his feelings in a letter that he would give to Louis when he returned his manuscript. Harry poured his heart into it and explained why Harry felt Louis was born to write and that it didn't matter if his father wasn't proud of him because Harry was so incredibly proud of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     +++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That afternoon, Harry planned to drop off the letter at his room. When he got to the top of the stairs, Harry's stomach dropped when he heard a girl's voice from behind the closed door.<br/>Giggling.<br/>Lips smacking together.</p>
<p>Louis hadn't brought anyone home since long before the night they kissed in Harry's bed. He thought maybe Louis was respecting his feelings for him or that he changed.</p>
<p>I was wrong, Harry thought.</p>
<p>Knowing he was with a load of girls used to make Harry jealous, but this time, it felt different. It just made him incredibly sad. Harry couldn't even bear to stay in the house, so he left the book along with the note in front of his door and ran back down the stairs, worried that his writing wasn't the only thing Harry had fallen in love with.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry gets some bad news. . .</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It upset Harry that Louis hadn't even acknowledged his letter after several days. Ella had also given Harry no choice but to finally tell her the truth about his feelings for Louis. She wouldn't stop talking about how she couldn't understand that fact that he never asked her out again after their kiss at the diner. Harry had no patience for it anymore and told her everything that had happened between himself and Louis. She was shocked, and expressed that Louis sounded confused about his sexuality, but then stopped talking about him when she saw how it affected Harry's mood.</p>
<p>Louis continued to basically ignore Harry over the next week. He took on more hours at the store and during the rest of his free time, stayed in his room with the door closed. He obviously knew Harry had overheard the girl in his room that day, but he didn't seem to care or want to address what the impact it might of had in Harry's feelings.</p>
<p>So, when Corey Jackson asked Harry out on a date that week, he said yes. Corey was probably one of the sweetest guys at school. Truthfully, Harry was not physically attracted to him but he needed a distraction and knew at least they would have a good time together. He was one of the few males he had considered a friend, although it was obvious Corey wanted more.</p>
<p>Friday night rolled around. Harry tried to style his curly hair. He had decided to start to let it grow out and it was at a stage where the curls were hard to tame. Harry dressed in skinny jeans and a form fitted shirt that emphasized the green of his eyes. </p>
<p>When Corey came to the door, his mother opened it and yelled upstairs, "Harry, your date is here!"</p>
<p>There was low music coming from Louis's room, and the door was closed. A part of Harry wanted Louis to see him leaving with Corey, but another part didn't want to deal with him.</p>
<p>Corey was waiting at the bottom of the stairs with a flower. Harry was surprised by how sweet he found the simple act.</p>
<p>"Hey, Corey."</p>
<p>"Hey, Harry. You look awesome."</p>
<p>"Thanks."</p>
<p>"Do you mind if I use your bathroom real quick before we leave?"</p>
<p>Harry hesitated to send him upstairs in the event Louis were to come out of his room. "Sure. It's upstairs. Just take a left, and it's at the end of the hall."</p>
<p>Harry waited on a stool at the counter.</p>
<p>"He seems really nice." His mother said.</p>
<p>"He is." Harry said, placing the flower in a small vase.</p>
<p>That was the problem, Harry thought. He'd grown to love a little mean mixed in with his nice.</p>
<p>After a five minute wait, Corey had an odd look in his face when he returned. </p>
<p>"Are you ready?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"Sure," he said without making eye contact. He walked out in front of Harry and led him to his ford focus parked out front. Corey was acting strange after they got in the car and before he started the engine, he turned to Harry.</p>
<p>"I ran into your stepbrother upstairs."</p>
<p>Harry swallowed the lump in his throat. "Oh?"</p>
<p>"He said to hand you these, that you'd left them in his room." He handed Harry a pair of his boxers, apparently from the stash that Louis had been harbouring. </p>
<p>Harry took them and stared out into the street in disbelief, confused as to whether he was angry or slightly amused. He knew he was at least greatful they weren't panties.</p>
<p>When Harry composed himself he turned to Corey. "He's just messing with you. . . And me. It's sort of what he does. I know it sounds silly, but he took all my underwear as a joke and hasn't given them all back. Nothing else is going on."</p>
<p>Corey sighed but still seemed a little uncomfortable. "Okay. That was just really weird."</p>
<p>"I know. Believe me. I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Corey was looking straight ahead at the road, so Harry took out his phone and discreetly sent Louis a text.</p>
<p>**Harry: Why would you do that???**</p>
<p>**Louis: Don't get your panties in a bunch. It was funny and you know it.**</p>
<p>**Harry: It wasn't funny to him.**</p>
<p>**Louis: You don't even like him.**</p>
<p>**Harry: How would you know that?**</p>
<p>**Louis: Because you like me.**</p>
<p>**Harry: Your full of yourself.**</p>
<p>**Louis: Pretty sure you want to be full of me ;)**</p>
<p>Harry's jaw dropped.</p>
<p>**Harry: why do you always do this?**</p>
<p>**Louis: Do what?**</p>
<p>**Harry: Revert back to your inner asshole.**</p>
<p>**Louis: In her asshole, huh?**</p>
<p>**Harry: You suck!**</p>
<p>**Louis: I haven't tried but I bet I could very well. I'd try on you if I could.**</p>
<p>**Harry: Why are you doing this?**</p>
<p>**Louis: Because I can't fucking stop.**</p>
<p>Harry wasn't going to write back, but Louis texted again.</p>
<p>**Louis: Come home.**</p>
<p>**Harry: what?**</p>
<p>**Louis: Come home. Hang out with me.**</p>
<p>**Harry: No!**</p>
<p>Harry shut off his phone and glanced over at Corey who was still looking ahead quietly.</p>
<p>Harry thought Louis was out if his mind. Who did he think he was, trying to prevent Harry from casually dating while Louis continued to whore himself out.</p>
<p>Louis had cast a shadow over the rest of the night, and while Harry and Corey were able to make small talk at the Mexican restaurant, Harry knew Corey was totally turned off by what Louis did. Harry couldn't even find it within himself to be mad. If he was being honest with himself, it secretly satisfied him that Louis cared enough to want to sabotage his date.</p>
<p>Harry tried to focus his attention solely on Corey and was doing a half-assed job while eating his dessert. All he could think about was Louis. He not only got under Harry's skin tonight, he'd hijacked his entire mind. Harry's phone chimed just as they were getting ready to pay the bill.</p>
<p>**Louis: I need you home now.**</p>
<p>**Harry: No**</p>
<p>**Louis: I'm not messing about this time. Something's happened.**</p>
<p>Harry's stomach felt unsettled.</p>
<p>**Harry: Everything ok?**</p>
<p>**Louis: No ones hurt or anything? We need to talk.**</p>
<p>**Harry: Ok.**</p>
<p>**Louis: Where are you? Will it be faster if I come get you?**</p>
<p>**Harry: No, Corey will bring me home.**</p>
<p>**Louis: Ok. Don't take too long.**</p>
<p>Harry's heart was pounding. What was this about? He'd made up a story about a headache and asked Corey if he wouldn't mind driving him straight home. He wasn't too thrilled, but then again, the whole night was shit after what Louis pulled. Harry couldn't get home fast enough.</p>
<p>Corey hadn't waited for Harry to go inside before he drove off. Harry headed straight upstairs and knocked on Louis's door before opening it.</p>
<p>He was sitting on the bed waiting for Harry with a troubled look on his face. Actually, he'd never seen Louis look so upset. Louis got up from the bed and caught Harry off guard when he immediately pulled him into a hug.</p>
<p>"Thank you for coming back."</p>
<p>Louis heart was beating through his chest as he held Harry firmly. Harry's body yearned for louis to hold him tighter.</p>
<p>"What's wrong, Louis?"</p>
<p>He released Harry and then led him by hand over to the bed where they both sat down. "I have to go back to California."</p>
<p>All the food Harry had consumed felt like it was coming up on him at once.</p>
<p>"What?" Harry put his hand on Louis's knee because it felt like he was losing his balance. "Why?"</p>
<p>"My mother is back."</p>
<p>"I don't understand. She was supposed to be away working until the summer."</p>
<p>Louis looked down in the ground and hesitated before looking up at Harry with melancholy in his eyes. "What I'm about to tell you can't leave this room. You can't tell your mother, and you absolutely can't tell Mark. Promise me."</p>
<p>"I promise."</p>
<p>"My mother wasn't away for work. Shortly before I came her, she checked herself into a hospital for severe depression and substance abuse out in Arizona. It was supposed to be a six month program, and then she was going to stay with a friend for the remaining time until the end of my school year."</p>
<p>"Why didn't she tell Mark the truth?"</p>
<p>"My mother is a very talented painter. I know you know that. Anyway she was offered an opportunity to work abroad for a year and used that as the excuse she gave Mark even though she turned it down. She's ashamed to let him know how bad things have gotten. Before she decided to check herself into the program, she'd overdosed on some sleeping pills, and I found her on the ground. I thought she was dead."</p>
<p>"That was the nightmare you were having."</p>
<p>""What?"</p>
<p>"That night you were yelling in your sleep, you were saying 'Mum, wake up."</p>
<p>"Yeah. That makes sense. I dream about it a lot, actually. My mother is a weak person. Ever since Mark left her, she's never been the same. I was afraid I'd lost her. She's all I have."</p>
<p>Harry squeezed his knee. "Do you really think our parents had an affair and that he left your mother for mine?"</p>
<p>"I know he cheated on my mother because I hacked his computer. He met your mother online while he was still married to mine. He'd say he was going away in business, but he was really coming here to visit Anne. I wouldn't lie to you about that."</p>
<p>"I believe you."</p>
<p>"In Anne's defence, I'm not sure what story he fed her. He may have tried to play it off like he was separated. You know how you told me your father was your mother's one true love?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. . ."</p>
<p>"Well, that's what Mark is to my mother even though it may not have been reciprocal. He's a horrible father, but that didn't seem to matter to her. She's basically obsessed with him and always based her self worth on his actions towards her. She's obsessed with Anne now too. It's a sickness. There's so much more to this story, but I'm just telling you what you need to know as it relates to you and me."</p>
<p>"When you said I was forbidden. .  . Is it simply because I'm Anne's son."</p>
<p>Louis smiled and caressed Harry's cheek. "You look a lot like your mother, and mine thinks that her marriage ended because of Anne. She hates your mother probably more than anyone. Deep down, I know he would have found a way to leave mum anyways, but she's in extremely bad shape. She could never handle it if she ever found out there was something going on between me and Anne's son. Plus, I really have never been attracted to another guy before. Thus is all very new to me."</p>
<p>"Trust me, I understand that." Harry gave Louis what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Why did she come home early?"</p>
<p>"She thinks she's doing better. She's not, Harry. I can hear it in her voice, but they let her check out anyway. The friend who was supposed to watch over her flaked out and isn't even in town. I'm scared for her to be alone. That why I'm leaving tomorrow morning. My flight is already booked. Mark thinks her job fell through and couldn't care less that I'm going back."</p>
<p>A tear drop fell from Harry's cheek. "I just wasn't expecting this." Harry leaned against him as Louis wrapped his arm around him. They sat in silence until Harry looked up at him. "I'm not ready for you to leave."</p>
<p>"Swallowing my pride and coming to live with Mark so my mother could get better and not have to worry about me, was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. It was hell at first, but you were a little piece of heaven in the midst of it all. I'd never thought I'd go from dreading being here to dreading leaving, but that's how I feel right now. I want to stay but only because of you. I want to be able to protect you and not necessarily in a brotherly way, and that's fucked up."</p>
<p>Harry grabbed his hand. "I get it."</p>
<p>Louis wrapped his fingers inside of Harry's and leaned in, lightly pressing his lips against Harry's forehead. "I feel like you see me in ways that most don't. Getting you to hate me was impossible because you knew that wasn't really me. Thank you for being smart enough to see through me."</p>
<p>Harry couldn't help it. He wrapped his arms around Louis and breathed in the smell of his skin and cologne, wanting to burn it into memory.<br/>He'd be gone tomorrow.<br/>He might never see Louis again.</p>
<p>Louis breathing quickened then he let go of Harry. </p>
<p>Harry looked around at Louis's bags and realized there was still a lot left to pack. "Do you need me to help you?"</p>
<p>"Please don't take this the wrong way."</p>
<p>Harry chewed his bottom lip. "Okay."</p>
<p>"What I need is for you to go back to your room. It's not because I don't want to spend time with you. I was a wreck when you went out on that date with flower boy. And that was before I found out I was leaving. Then, you come in here looking so fucking beautiful. I only have so much control."</p>
<p>"I don't care if you lose control, Louis. I want it too."</p>
<p>Louis looked down at the ground and shook his head. "We can't let it." Louis was quiet then looked Harry in the eyes. "The other day, you know I had a girl over. Nothing happened. She tried, but I couldn't get it up. It didn't feel right, it's been that was for a long time—ever since that night in your room. You don't think I haven't fantasized about us, knowing if be the first person you would get to experience that with. You would be my first experience with a guy too. Do you know what those thoughts do to me?"</p>
<p>"I'd rather have one night with you than nothing at all."</p>
<p>"You don't mean that." Louis placed both hands on Harry's shoulders, causing a shiver to run through him. Louis let out a deep breath that Harry felt on his chest. "Even if you say you could handle only one night. . . I'm not sure I could."</p>
<p>They stayed silent for several seconds with their eyes locked before Harry got up. "Okay. . . I'll leave." Harry's eyes began to water because this felt like the end.</p>
<p>Louis could see Harry was starting to cry. "Please, don't cry." He said, his own eyes looking shiny themselves.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry. I can't help it. I'm just going to miss you."</p>
<p>Louis hugged Harry one last time and buried his nose in Harry's hair. Louis spoke softly in his ear. "I'm gonna miss you too."</p>
<p>Their hearts were both beating fast against each other before Louis stepped back. "My flight doesn't leave until 10. Maybe we can get breakfast."</p>
<p>Harry slowly walked back to his room in disbelief. He couldn't believe how fast things could change in life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please don't hate me. This isn't the end I promise, there is a lot more story left.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The start of goodbye. . .</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Crushed couldn't begin to describe what it felt like for Harry having to go back to his room, knowing Louis wanted him in the same way Harry wanted him but that they could never stand a chance. It felt empty there already, and Louis wasn't even gone yet.</p>
<p>It bothered Harry that Louis would have to return home to that situation with his mother. Not that his interactions with Mark had been anything less than awful, but at least here, Harry could have been there to support him. Louis really hadn't won in the parent department no matter how you cut it.</p>
<p>He'd only just begun to open up to Harry. He knew that if Louis stayed, they would have grown closer. Harry tried to convince himself that this was for the best because Louis was leaving in the summer anyway. But dispite knowing that, the ache in his chest just wouldn't go away.</p>
<p>He couldn't help envying all the girls at school who'd gotten the chance to experience being with Louis on a physical level. Even though Harry connected with him on a different and better one, there was still a deep longing for what he'd missed.</p>
<p>Anne came in briefly to check on Harry and to ask if he'd heard the news about Louis leaving.</p>
<p>"You two seemed to be getting along better. It's a shame he wants to go back now that his mother's home. He could have certainly stayed until the school year ended."</p>
<p>Since Harry's mother knew nothing about the real reason Johannah was back home, Harry just nodded his head as she spoke. He tried his best to mask his tears that up until then had been falling pretty consistently. She kissed him goodnight, and Harry stayed clutching the stuffed teddy bear that had been his right-hand man since he was one. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>   +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p>A few hours later there was a light knock on Harry's bedroom door. Harry opened it to see Louis on the other side. Louis's chest was rising and falling with heavy breaths.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" Harry asked quietly, aware that their parents were sound asleep down the hall.</p>
<p>For a few seconds, Louis was staring at Harry as if he didn't know how he'd gotten to Harry's door. "No."</p>
<p>"What's wrong?"</p>
<p>Louis's eyes had a frantic hunger in them. "Fuck tomorrow."</p>
<p>Before Harry could process it, Louis's warm hands cupped his face and brought Harry's mouth to his. A low groan from the back of Louis's throat vibrated down Harry's, which he caught with a deep intake of breath. Louis chest pressed against Harry's as he pushed him back in the room, the door closing behind Louis. Harry didn't know what was happening.</p>
<p>Louis mouth was hot and wet as it devoured Harry's, his tongue circling the inside almost desperately. This was far more intense than the last two times they kissed, and Harry realized that this us what it felt like when Louis didn't hold back. This was different and a prelude to something more.</p>
<p>Louis stopped kissing Harry for a moment, and his hands slid from Harry's face down the length of his neck. He pulled Harry's hair, bending his neck back. Louis sucked on the base before kissing his way back up and sighing into Harry's mouth.</p>
<p>Harry's tongue brushed back and forth over Louis's bottom lip before gently biting it causing Louis to moan through his teeth.<br/>Harry wanted more.<br/>He was ready.<br/>There was no doubt in Harry's mind, he was going to let Louis go all the way.</p>
<p>When Louis stopped to look at him, Harry took the opportunity to ask what he absolutely needed to know. </p>
<p>"What happened?"</p>
<p>Louis took Harry's hand and led him to the where he sat and pulled Harry's body on top of his so that Harry was straddling him. Harry could feel the heat of Louis's erection pressed against his own throbbing one. Louis placed his head at Harry's neck, breathing him in before speaking.</p>
<p>"You wanna know what happened to me?" Louis whispered in a hoarse voice. "I finally had the guts to open that letter you wrote after reading my book. That's what happened. No one's ever said those things to before, Haz. I don't deserve it."</p>
<p>Harry felt warm at the nickname and ran his fingers through Louis's hair, which felt like silk.</p>
<p>"You do deserve it. I meant every word."</p>
<p>Louis looked up into Harry's eyes. </p>
<p>"The words in that letter. . . I'll carry them with me forever. I could never pay you back for what you just gave me. Then, I thought about how I couldn't give you the one thing you asked me for. It made me angrier by the second as I was packing. I decided I'd rather have tonight than nothing at all. It's fucking selfish, but I want your first time. I want to be the one you'll always remember for the rest of your life. But only if you meant it when you said that was what you wanted."</p>
<p>"I want it more than anything." Harry said as he pulled Louis tighter to him.</p>
<p>Louis resisted, staring up into Harry's eyes. His expression serious. </p>
<p>"Look at me Harry. Because I need to make sure you're really okay with the fact that this would end tomorrow. You would never be able to tell anyone. I'll give you anything and everything you want tonight as long as you truly understand all of that. You need to promise me that you could handle this."</p>
<p>"I can handle it. I already told you I wanted my first time to be with you even if it's only the one time. I don't want you to hold back. I want to experience this with you."</p>
<p>"It may only be one night, but I will make every second count."</p>
<p>Harry couldn't believe this was really happening. When his nerves suddenly got the best of him, Louis took notice and put his hands Harry's face.</p>
<p>"You're shaking. Maybe this isn't a good idea."</p>
<p>"I can't help it. I'm gonna be nervous, but it's in a good way."</p>
<p>Harry was still sitting on top of Louis when he looked up at Harry in one last moment of hesitation. Harry reached for Louis's face with his hands and kissed him deeply in an attempt to prove the he was ready and he was going to be okay. Harry looked Louis in the eyes one last time and said, "I want you."</p>
<p>Louis's eyes softened and signalled for Harry to stand up. Moving to stand in front of him, Louis started rubbing his fingertips along Harry's neck, moving slowly in a scratching motion before wrapping it around the middle as if he was going to choke Harry. But it wasn't anything like that. Louis just held on to Harry's neck, rubbing it gently with his thumb. Harry felt his dick harden just from the way Louis was looking at him, like there was nothing else in the world he wanted more than Harry.</p>
<p>"I love your neck. It was the first thing I wanted to kiss."</p>
<p>Harry closed his eyes and bent his head back. Louis still wasn't kissing him, just lightly squeezing his neck. </p>
<p>Finally, Louis moved his hands down and slowly lifted Harry's t-shirt off. Louis's eyes were glassy as he stared at Harry. Harry felt his insecurity starting to creep up the longer louis looked at him, until louis kissed his cheek then spoke in his ear. </p>
<p>"God, you're so beautiful Harry."</p>
<p>Louis hands then gripped Harry's sides and lowered his shorts. "Shit," Louis muttered as he realized Harry was wearing his favourite black lace panties. Harry kicked his shorts off and stood in front of Louis, feeling vulnerable. Louis continued to look at Harry for several seconds, and it was driving Harry nuts that he was keeping a little bit of distance. </p>
<p>Louis finally took a step forward and immediately took Harry's face in his hands and kissed him firmly and deeply. Harry's body was trembling in anticipation as Louis run his hands over Harry's body. Louis pulled away to quickly pull his top over his head and chucked it on the floor next to him, he then pushed his jogging bottoms down and off.</p>
<p>"I've wanted to do this with you since the day I walk in the door, I took one look at you and realized I was fucked."</p>
<p>"You've always wanted me like this?"</p>
<p>Louis nodded. "I did a really good job at hiding it for a while, didn't I."</p>
<p>Harry smiled. "You could say that."</p>
<p>Louis touched Harry's hand and moved it down over his hard-on through his boxers. "It's pretty obvious now, wouldn't you say?"</p>
<p>Harry's own erection was throbbing as he rubbed his hand over Louis's boxers feeling his own erection throb under Harry's hand. "Yes."</p>
<p>Like the darkening of a theatre before the start of a movie, Louis's eyes darkened, indicating that things were about to begin. Leading Harry over to the bed, Harry layed back while Louis climbed over him, hovering. Louis rested his arm next to Harry's head and brought his other hand up and wrapped it around his neck again, then leaned forward and started peppering light kisses along his neck. Harry couldn't stop himself from thrusting himself up to grind his cock against Louis's, desperate to satisfy the arousal that was building within him.</p>
<p>Louis slowly started making his way down Harry's body, nipping, kissing and licking as much skin as possible. Slipping his fingers into the waistband of Harry's panties, Louis looked up and asked, "can I take these off?"</p>
<p>Harry nodded and lifted his hips to help as Louis slid them over his aching cock and down his legs. Louis kissed up Harry's legs, passed his thighs and along his waist. Louis hesitated for a second before licking up Harry's erection from base to tip. Harry gasped. Feeling encouraged Louis took the tip of Harry's dick in his mouth and sucked. Harry grabbed Louis hair and gasped again at the feeling, the most amazing sensation of his life in his opinion. Harry could never have imagined how good Louis hot mouth would feel. Louis tongue glided across the tip as his mouth moved up and down in slow but firm movements. When Louis moaned, it vibrated through Harry who was letting out unintelligible sounds.</p>
<p>"Sshhh," Louis said against Harry's thigh. "We have to be quiet."</p>
<p>Harry felt like that was impossible. "You need to stop then."</p>
<p>"I don't want to. You taste to good." Louis said as his mouth took Harry's cock in again.</p>
<p>"I'm gonna cum if you don't stop, Louis." Harry pulled on Louis's hair gently.</p>
<p>Louis sucked on Harry's tip one more before realising him. He moved up until he was kneeling over Harry. Louis's disheveled hair fell over his beautiful blue eyes as he looked down at Harry once again.</p>
<p>Harry moved his hands over the tattoos on Louis's arms, following them across his chest and down his stomach. Harry ran his fingers down the happy trail of hair that led into Louis's now damp boxers. His stomach tightened at the touch and Harry felt Louis's cock twitch.</p>
<p>"Sensitive spot?"</p>
<p>"It was. . . When you touched me."</p>
<p>Harry reached up and kissed Louis gently, the intimate gesture seemed to have an effect on him. Harry ran his hands across his chest and he could feel Louis's heart beating uncontrollably fast.</p>
<p>"Your heart is racing."</p>
<p>"You're not the only one trying something new. I've also never been anyone's first before."</p>
<p>"Really?" Harry asked, surprised.</p>
<p>"Yeah. . . Really."</p>
<p>"Are you nervous?"</p>
<p>"I just don't want to hurt you." The was Louis looked at him made Harry realize Louis ment it in more that one way.</p>
<p>Harry's chest tightened, and he was pretty sure it was a lie when he said, "you won't. Louis, we just have tonight. Please. .  . Don't hold back."</p>
<p>For the first time since Louis had walked in the room, he kissed Harry with the same fervent hunger he craved, lashing him with his tongue and groaning into Harry's mouth.</p>
<p>Harry reached over into his bedside table and grabbed out the lube Ella had given him the same time as the dildo. Blushing, he handed it to Louis. He opened it and coated his fingers, moving them around to warm up the lube first, which Harry was immensely grateful for. Harry spread his legs open wide for him.</p>
<p>"Beautiful," Louis whispered as he lowered his hand and gently circled Harry's rim, letting Harry get comfortable with his hand being there and for his muscles to relax, before gently pushing his first finger in. </p>
<p>Harry and Louis both gasped at the same time and Louis had a look of wonder on his face. "God, your so warm. . . So tight. Does it feel okay?"</p>
<p>Harry nodded. "Just strange, but it doesn't hurt yet."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis slowly moved his finger in and out of Harry, building up a steady pace, letting him get used to it before replacing it with two fingers, pushing them in slowly. Harry closed his eyes and tried to relax as he felt a slight burn with two fingers. </p>
<p>Louis continued to move at a slow pace, feeling Harry relax around his fingers. He built up another steady pace and started scissoring his fingers to help open Harry up more.</p>
<p>Harry started to moan lowly as he got used to and started to enjoy the feeling of Louis fingering him open. Louis surprised him by hooking his fingers and hit his prostrate straight on. Harry closed his eyes and bucked his hips up to meet Louis's hand, breathing deeply. Louis eyed were half shut while he intently watched Harry as he licked his lips. Louis noticed Harry was starting to lose control, so he gently pulled his fingers out of him. "Don't cum yet." </p>
<p>Louis got off the bed and reached into the pocket of his jogging bottoms that were on the floor and took out a condom. He ripped the package open with his teeth, and the look in his eyes had Harry ripe with anticipation. Louis pulled off his boxers and spread the condom down his thick shaft and carefully squeezed the tip.</p>
<p>Louis positioned himself over Harry and kissed him deeply while both their cocks rubbed against eachother. Harry couldn't take it anymore and reached over for the discarded lube. He poured a generous helping on his palm and started spreading it along Louis's length. Louis breathed heavily through his nose at the feel of Harry touching his neglected cock. When Harry was satisfactory, he lead Louis cock to him entrance.</p>
<p>"Easy," Louis warned. "This is gonna hurt."</p>
<p>"I don't care."</p>
<p>"You will." Louis spread Harry's knees back as far as they could go. "Hold in to my back and squeeze me, hit me, bit me. . . Do whatever you have to do if you're in pain. They can't know we're in here."</p>
<p>Even with the lube and preparation, it still burned like hell when Louis entered Harry. His grip on Louis tightened to curb the discomfort. Harry breathed deeply through it as Louis stretched him open slowly, stopping when he was fully inside him.</p>
<p>Harry will never forget the way it felt when Louis was fully inside him for the first time or the sounds he made. Louis had been so controlled until that moment. His eyes were shut and he was panting deeply and he hadn't even moved yet.</p>
<p>"Harry. . . This. . . You. . . Fuck."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually the pain eased and Harry have Louis the go ahead to start moving. With each subsequent movement, the penetration went from painfully uncontrollable to painfully incredible. Louis was still taking it easy, but honestly, from the look on his face, Harry wasn't sure Louis could take much more.</p>
<p>Louis pulled out slowly and pushed in even slower. "It's tougher to control myself than I thought. You so tight. This feels so good, it's indescribable. I need to come already, but it has to be with you."</p>
<p>He reached down and wrapped his hand around Harry's erection and started to pump him in time with his thrusts. Harry couldn't hold it anymore and started to cum over Louis's hand and their stomachs. "Oh God. Louis!"</p>
<p>Louis placed his hand over Harry's mouth. "Oh God Harry. . . Fuck. . . Harry." Louis's body started to tremble as he buried his face in Harry's neck and came, his cock pulsating inside Harry. He could feel the heat of Louis's release through the condom and their hearts slammed against eachothers. </p>
<p>"That was the most incredible thing I've ever felt in my life." Harry said breathlessly.</p>
<p>"Yeah." Louis kissed his nose. "And I haven't even fucked you properly yet."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay. I hope it was okay. I'm still unsure. I hope you guys like it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Their night continues.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just a short chapter. Hope that's okay.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The fact that it already felt empty when he'd only gotten up to go to the bathroom was not a good sign about how tomorrow would feel to Harry. Louis's leaving was only a few hours away, and Harry was already craving the return of his smell and his touch in the two minutes he was gone.</p>
<p>It was convenient to have a small half-bathroom off of Harry's room since Louis might of woken up Mark and his mother if he had to go down the hall. Louis returned with a small washcloth and layed back down next to Harry, cleaning the mess off of Harry's stomach.</p>
<p>"Open your legs." Louis placed it between them and held it there. "Does that feel good?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, it does. Thanks." Harry wasn't in that much pain, but the warmth of the cloth was soothing.</p>
<p>"Does it hurt?"</p>
<p>"Not too bad, just aches a bit. I'll be okay to go again."</p>
<p>"We will. I want you to rest up a little first."</p>
<p>The room was dark except for the light coming from the small bathroom. Over the next hour they both stayed laying together naked just holding eachother. Harry was surprised that it no longer phased him because Louis had made him feel completely comfortable in his own skin.</p>
<p>They talked a lot in that hour: about Louis's writing, about Harry pondering becoming a teacher, about their plans for next year. Louis would be attending a community college near his house and was going to live at home to keep an eye on Johannah, he also planned to get a job on the side. Louis would talk about anything openly, except the subject of his history with Mark. That was still off-limits the one time Harry tried to bring it up</p>
<p>The red digital numbers of the alarm clock taunted Harry. It was now 3am. Harry's heart was starting to palpitate, and he felt almost panicky. There wasn't much time left. Louis must of read his mind because he'd suddenly turned Harry on his back so that he was leaning over him.</p>
<p>"Don't go there," Louis said over Harry's lips.</p>
<p>"Where?"</p>
<p>"Wherever your mind is right now."</p>
<p>"It's hard not to."</p>
<p>I know. What can I do to make it better?"</p>
<p>"Make me forget."</p>
<p>Louis stared at Harry long and hard before he felt Louis's hand wrap gently around his neck. That seemed to be Louis's thing now, and Harry loved it.</p>
<p>"Don't go easy on me this time, Louis. Please."</p>
<p>Louis looked at Harry for what seemed like a full minute then said, "turn around."</p>
<p>Just that command alone had caused Harry to go hard. It gave Harry chills when he felt Louis's strong hand slide down the length of his back. Then, with both hands, Louis firmly squeezed the cheeks of Harry's ass before spreading them and lowing his mouth to gently kiss and bite it. . . Again and again.</p>
<p>Louis whispered against Harry's skin. "I love your ass." His words caused Harry's muscle to tighten in anticipation.</p>
<p>Harry let out a deep sigh when Louis's hot mouth landed on his rim. The sensation of Louis rimming him was almost too much to handle. Harry's cock was throbbing as Louis licked and sucked harder as if Harry was his last meal. The sounds he was making was driving Harry crazy.</p>
<p>"God, you taste so good. I could do this all night." Louis groaned into Harry.</p>
<p>Louis quickly slid up Harry's body and fisted his hair to bring his face to Louis's. Harry moaned loudly at the pain/pleasure he felt. "Shh. You're gonna get us in trouble." Louis said before sliding his tongue into Harry's mouth and kissed him.</p>
<p>Louis's kiss then moved to the back of Harry's neck and down the length of his back. Stopping suddenly, Louis said. "Fuck, I can't take this anymore. We need to move to the floor because this bed will make too much noise.</p>
<p>Harry threw a few pillows down without delay and got down in his hands and knees. Louis was quit. When Harry turned his head around, Louis eyes were fixed on Harry as he stroked his engorged cock.</p>
<p>"You on all fours like this. . . Nothing has ever turned me on more in my entire life."</p>
<p>Watching Louis pleasure himself while looking at Harry had been Harry biggest turn on.</p>
<p>When Harry turned back around, he heard Louis open the bottle of lube. He brought his hand back to Harry to prepare him again. Thankfully Harry didn't have to wait long as he was still a bit open from their first time. He then heard the rip of the condom packet and looked back one last time to watch Louis sheath himself.</p>
<p>"Relax." He said as he slid one hand up Harry's back and wrapped it around the base of his neck. Harry had grown to love the erotic feel of his signature chokehold. After an initial burn, Louis cock sank into him easier than last time. Harry knew right away that this experience was going to be different from the first time.</p>
<p>"Tell me at any point if it becomes too much."</p>
<p>Harry knew that no matter what it felt like, that would never happen. Every thrust was more intense than the last. Louis let out a deep breath with each thrust that Harry could feel on his back as Louis continued to hold his neck. Louis was finally in the zone, having finally let go of all apprehension. This was Louis fucking him.</p>
<p>Harry wanted it to continue, to see where it would go. "Fuck me harder "</p>
<p>That had caused Louis to grab Harry's hips as he pounded into him faster. It felt impossible for Harry not to scream because it felt too good. In a weird way, having to refrain from making any noise bottled up the pleasure inside of Harry and intensified it. Harry started to match the rhythm of Louis's movements with his body, and that seemed to put Louis at the edge.</p>
<p>"Touch yourself, Harry."</p>
<p>Harry grabbed his neglected cock and started pumping himself in time with Louis thrusts, which had slowed down to prolong their time. He could feel Louis so deeply inside of him. Louis gently pushed Harry's torso down, the penetration at that angle was so intense, so deep.</p>
<p>"Do you feel that?" Louis whispered.</p>
<p>"Yes. Yes. It's incredible like this."</p>
<p>"I've never been this deep inside anyone before. It's never felt like this for me," he panted. "Never."</p>
<p>"Oh God. . . Louis. . ."</p>
<p>"I want you to come first, and then I want to come all over your back."</p>
<p>Hearing Louis say that had set Harry off. Harry pressed his mouth against the pillow to mask the sound as his orgasm pulsed through him.</p>
<p>When Louis sensed that Harry was coming down from it, he pounded into him faster. Four thrusts later he pulled out and ripped the condom off then Harry felt Louis warm release shoot all over his back. That wasn't something Harry originally thought he'd enjoy. . . But he loved it.</p>
<p>"I'll be right back." Louis said, running to the bathroom to get a towel. After he cleaned Harry off, he lifted him off the ground and into the bed.</p>
<p>The red numbers on the clock continued to make Harry extremely nervous. It was now four in the morning. They lay there facing eachother, their lips inches apart.</p>
<p>Louis brushed his thumb along Harry's cheek. "Are you okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah." Harry smiled. "That was intense."</p>
<p>"That's what happens when you ask my not to hold anything back. Was it too much for you?"</p>
<p>"No. It was what I expected."</p>
<p>"You expect that. . . Grand finale?"</p>
<p>"No. . . Uh. . . That was definitely a suprise." Harry laughed.</p>
<p>"I hadn't ever don't that before. I wanted to try more new things."</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"I wish we had more time. I want to do everything with you."</p>
<p>"Me too."</p>
<p>Harry wished they had forever.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just like that, Louis exited Harry's life as fast as he entered it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Exhaustion for their activities must have gotten the best of Harry because he didn't even remember falling asleep.</p>
<p>It was five in the morning and the sun was starting to rise when Harry awoke to Louis laying on top of him kissing his neck. He was fully hard and had a condom on. His breathing was erratic as he continued to kiss Harry's neck while reaching for the lube.</p>
<p>Harry was already hard for him as Louis kissed his way down his stomach, pressing his fingers in him to prepare him again. Harry was starting to feel a bit sore but wasn't going to let that stop him from having Louis again.</p>
<p>Louis kissed his way up Harry's stomach after removing his fingers, quickly pushing himself inside Harry. Louis thrusts were slow but intense. His eyes were closed and he looked pained. An influx of emotions overwhelmed Harry suddenly as the reality of  what had happened last night and what was about to happen today hit him. The clock taunted Harry again. They were running out of time.</p>
<p>Harry's hold on Louis tightened as it felt like his heart was breaking a little more every time Louis entered him. Louis started to kiss Harry, his mouth never leaving Harry's as he continued to push deeper inside him in slow, controlled movements. This time it felt different than the other two. It felt like Louis was trying to tell Harry with his body what he couldn't with his words. It felt like he was making love to Harry.</p>
<p>If there was any doubt about that, it was erased the minute Louis stopped kissing Harry and placed his face close to him with his eyes open as he fucked Harry slowly. Louis never stopped looking into Harry's eyes after that. It was as if Louis didn't want to miss a moment of it because he knew it was the last. This time, it wasn't about showing Harry anything. Louis was taking something he wanted to keep for himself.</p>
<p>The reflection of Harry's own expression in Louis's blue eyes told Harry's side of the story. Harry had definitely lied. He had lied to Louis and himself in saying he could handle this. It had only been a few hours, but it felt like a lifetime of attachment had built up in this room overnight, and it was about to be ripped apart.</p>
<p>Louis body shuddered as his orgasm suddenly shook through him. He eyes never left Harry's as he opened his mouth in a silent scream. Harry's muscles clenched as his orgasm was set off watching Louis's release. Louis continued pumping into Harry slowly until there was nothing left of his orgasm.</p>
<p>Louis's voice was horse. "I'm sorry." He whispered.</p>
<p>"It's okay." Harry said, not even knowing exactly what he was referring to. Was it coming before Harry had? Was it because he saw the look in Harry's eyes and knew what he was really feeling? Either way it didn't change the fact he was leaving.</p>
<p>Louis stayed with his head on Harry's chest until his breathing calmed down. When he returned from disposing the condom, Harry set the clock for seven. Louis leaned his cheek against Harry's chest, closed his eyes and held Harry for the last time until they fell asleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     +++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the alarm went off Harry jumped up to find that the bed was empty. His heart started to race. Louis left without saying goodbye, Harry thought.</p>
<p>The sun was now pouring through his window, adding to the rude awakening. Harry buried his head in his hands and cried. His shoulders shook as tears seeped through the grooves separating his fingers. The soreness, which didn't seem noticeable last night in the midst of his sex-induced fog, was now suddenly prominent. </p>
<p>Harry's body flinched when he felt a hand in his back. He turned around to find Louis standing above him, his eyes dark and empty. "You promised you could handle this Harry." He repeated almost inaudibly, "you fucking promised."</p>
<p>Harry's mouth trembled. "I thought you left without saying goodbye."</p>
<p>"I went back to my room so that Mark and Anne wouldn't catch me in here when they got up. They both already left. I just finished packing my stuff."</p>
<p>Harry sniffed and stood up. "Oh."</p>
<p>"I wouldn't have done that to you. . . Left without saying goodbye. . . Especially after what happened between us."</p>
<p>Harry whipped his eyes. "What's the difference? It doesn't change the outcome."</p>
<p>No, it doesn't. I don't know what to say except that last night. . . It meant something to me. I want you to know that. I'll never forget what you gave me. I'll never forget any of this. But, you knew it was going to end."</p>
<p>"I didn't know it was going to feel like this."</p>
<p>Louis's hands were in his pockets, and he looked down at the ground then up at Harry. "Fuck. Neither did I." When he leaned in to hug him, Harry backed away.</p>
<p>"No. . . Please. I don't want you to touch me. That's only going to make this worse."</p>
<p>Harry couldn't even speak as more tears fell. Harry shook his head in disbelief over how badly he'd lost his composure. He cleared his throat. "What time do you have to leave?"</p>
<p>"A cab is coming any minute. It's gonna take at least an hour to get to the airport in traffic."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A fresh tear slid down Harry's cheek.</p>
<p>"Mark not taking you?"</p>
<p>Louis gave an unamused snort and shook his head. Harry shook his own head in disbelief at marks attitude.</p>
<p>"I'll be right back." Louis said.</p>
<p>He left to take his luggage downstairs. By the time he returned to Harry, who was in the same spot, a car horn beeped.</p>
<p>"Shit. Hang in." He said running back out of the room.</p>
<p>Harry looked out the window and eventually saw Louis putting his suitcases into the back. When the trunk slammer shut, Harry could if sworn he felt it in his heart.</p>
<p>Louis said something to the driver and came back upstairs. Harry was still looking out the window blankly when Louis's footsteps crept up behind him.</p>
<p>"I told him to wait. I'm not leaving until you look at me."</p>
<p>Harry turned around. Louis must have seen the despair written all over Harry's face.</p>
<p>Louis eyes looked watery. "Fuck. I don't want to leave you like this."</p>
<p>"It's okay. It's not gonna get any easier in the next minute. You'll miss your flight. Go."</p>
<p>Ignoring Harry's earlier request not to be touched, Louis took hold of Harry's face and looked deeply into his eyes.</p>
<p>"I know this is hard for you to understand. I haven't opened up to you about my relationship with Mark. Without you knowing everything and without your understanding of what my mother is really like, it's not going to make sense. Just know that if I could stay with you, I would." He gave Harry a chased kiss in the lips and continued. "I know that despite my warning, you gave me a piece of your heart anyway last night. And even though I tried to stop it, I gave you a piece of mine. I know you could feel that happening this morning. I want you to keep it tucked away. And when you decide to give the rest of yours to another guy someday, please make sure it's someone who deserves you."</p>
<p>Louis gave Harry one last desperate kiss. Harry's eyes were stinging. When he pushed away Harry gripped his jacket, tempted to never let go. Louis waited until Harry's hands left him to turn around and walk away.</p>
<p>Just like that, Louis exited Harry's life as fast as he entered it. </p>
<p>Harry stood at the window and wished he hadn't when Louis looked up at him one last time before entering he taxi with a piece of Harry's heart he knew he took with him. As for the rest of Harry's heart, it was shattered.</p>
<p>     +++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p>Later that night Harry's phone chimed. It was a text from Louis with a link </p>
<p>**Louis: You're amazing Harry. Don't ever forget that. This song will always remind me of you.**</p>
<p>It took Harry a few hours before he had the courage to click on the link. The name of the song was 'All I wanted' by Paramore. It was about wanting someone you couldn't have and wanting to relive the short time spent together from the beginning.</p>
<p>Harry replayed the song over and over again in a torturous cycle that included inhaling Louis's scent on his top that Harry was still wearing and on his bed sheets.</p>
<p>Louis would only contact Harry one time over the next seven years.</p>
<p>On a random night out almost one year after Louis left Manchester, Harry was out with Ella. Harry had been thinking about Louis when a text came in and shook Harry to the core.</p>
<p>**Louis: I still dream about your neck. I still think about you everyday. For some reason I just needed you to know that tonight. Please don't write back.**</p>
<p>Harry didn't.<br/>Despite the tears that fell so easily upon reading it, Harry didn't. Louis hadn't contacted him in so long, and Harry figured he was just drunk. Even if he weren't, it wouldn't have changed anything. Harry understood that now. Actually, he'd become an expert at burying all of his feelings for Louis. His being so far away made that possible. The couple of times Harry disappointed himself by giving into curiousity and checking online, Louis wasn't even on social media.</p>
<p>Mark had also stopped going to California now that Louis was an adult.</p>
<p>Even after several years, Harry's heart still ached when ever he'd allow himself to think about their one night together. So, he did his best not to go there—out of sight, out if mind right? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>That motto is just a temporary fix—until your forced to come face to face with what you've been running from. That's when the mental walls you've built to hide behind come crashing down in one hard blow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is not the end. <br/>Think of it as like the end of part 1<br/>Part 2 should be added in a day or two.<br/>Hope this chapter is okay. I'm not sure about the end.<br/>Again this isn't the end of the story xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry gets a phone call in the middle of the night...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Mark's dead."</p>
<p>At first, it could have seemed like a dream. It was the middle of the night, and Harry had had too much to drink while out with friends the evening before. When the phone rang at 3am, Harry's heart began to pound in dread, and to hear those words right off the bat had nearly stopped it altogether.</p>
<p>"Mum?"</p>
<p>She chocked through sobs. "Mark's dead, Harry. He had a heart attack. I'm at the hospital. They couldn't save him."</p>
<p>"Mum, breathe. Please."</p>
<p>Harry's mother was crying uncontrollably, causing Harry to feel helpless because there was nothing he could do about it from his flat in London.</p>
<p>She and Mark's marriage had remained intact over the years, although in recent months, they'd been having a rocky time. Mark had never displayed towards his mother the same disrespect he'd shown Louis, but he'd always had an unpredictable temper with highs and lows and was difficult to live with.</p>
<p>The truth was, Harry's mother had lost her soul mate when his father died all those years ago. Her marriage to mark had always been one of convenience and stability. Even with his modest income selling cars, he provided well for them. His mum never worked and wasn't the type who could handle being alone. Mark had been the first person to come along in the years after his dad passed away. Harry had always gotten the impression that Mark was far more enamoured with her than she was of him. Still, losing him was going to turn her life upside down. With Harry living far away, Mark had been her whole world, not to mention, this was the second husband she'd now lost prematurely. Harry didn't know how she was going to handle it.</p>
<p>Harry started to shake. "Oh my God." He took a deep breath in an attempt to compose himself. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry mum."</p>
<p>"He was dead before we got him to the hospital."</p>
<p>Harry got up and immediately rolled his small suitcase from the closet. "Listen, I'm going to see where I can rent a car at this hour. I'll try to be there by morning. Keep in touch by phone and let me know when you get home. Is someone with you?"</p>
<p>She sniffed. "Greg and Clara."</p>
<p>That had made Harry feel better. Greg was one of Mark's oldest friends who happened to relocate with his wife to Manchester a few years back after a job transfer.</p>
<p>When Harry was able to find a rental car place that was open, he hit the motorway about five in the morning.</p>
<p>On the four hour drive to Manchester, Harry's mind became littered with thoughts about what Mark's death would mean. Would he need to quit his job in London and move back home to support his mother? She'd have to work for the first time in her life to support herself. How much time would he need to take off from work? And then it hit him.<br/>
Louis.<br/>
Louis.<br/>
Oh my God. Louis.<br/>
Did he know about Mark? Would he come to Manchester for the service? Would Harry have to face him?</p>
<p>Harry's hand anxiously gripped the steering wheel tighter as his other hand switched the music on the the radio over and over, unable to find anything that could drown out the noise in his head.</p>
<p>Even after seven years and a failed engagement to another man, Harry's one true heartbreak had remained at the hands of his stepbrother. Now, Harry's heart broke for him again in a different way because not only had his mother lost a husband, but Louis had just lost his father.</p>
<p>Mark was too young to die. Granted, his relationship with Louis was horrible, but the fact that they'd never made amends saddened Harry. Nothing stirred up Harry's emotions like the thoughts of Louis did. Even moving away from his mother and Mark never really changed that for him.</p>
<p>Two years after Louis left Harry transferred to a London university where he graduated with a liberal arts degree. Right out of school, he took an administrative position in the city. It was in London where Harry met Tim.</p>
<p>They were together for two years. Tim worked in software sales and traveled a lot. They lived together for the last year of their relationship until Tim's job wanted to transfer him to a European sales position. He'd accepted it without discussing it with Harry, and when he refused to move with Tim, they ended up breaking up. The move had pushed Harry to make a decision he would have made eventually anyway. Tim was a good guy, but overall, the passion Harry longed for was missing. Even in the beginning of their relationship, there was never the adrenaline and butterflies that Harry had experienced in his short time with Louis. When he accepted Tim's proposal, he'd hoped things would change and that he'd grow to love Tim like he deserved. That never happened.</p>
<p>Harry has had two boyfriends before Tim, and it was the same situation. Harry would compare his feelings for them to his crazy attraction to Louis. Even though he knew Louis was gone from his life, Harry couldn't seem to help comparing anyone to him, both sexually and intellectually. Even though it may not have shown on the surface, Louis was deep. There was many layers to him, and his writing exhibited that. There was so much Harry never got to know or unravel. But he knew he wanted to find someone with those same qualities. One thing Harry's time with Louis also taught him was that sexual desire and fulfilment were just as important to him as an emotional connection.</p>
<p>His other boyfriends were nice guys, but they were average Joes. And it was sad, but Harry preferred to be alone than to give himself to someone which there was no spark. Harry hoped that someday he would have real chemistry again with someone.</p>
<p>Crossing into Manchester made Harry anxious. There was so much that was unknown about what the next few days would bring. Harry would have to help his mother with funeral arrangements, and it would sure trigger flashbacks to the horrible time when they had to do the same thing for his father.</p>
<p>When he pulled into the driveway, Mark's Nissan was parked on the left, and the sight of it made Harry shudder. He used his Key to let himself in and found his mother staring blankly at a cup of tea in the kitchen with no lights on. She hadn't even noticed Harry walking into the room.</p>
<p>"Mum?"</p>
<p>His mother looked up at him, her eyes red and swollen. Harry ran to her and embraced her.</p>
<p>The dirty dishes from his mum and Mark's dinner last night were still in the sink, bringing to light what a sudden and unexpected blow this was, how life could change in an instant.</p>
<p>"I'm here now. I'm here. You just let me know what you need me to do. It'll be okay. I'll help you through it. You'll be okay."</p>
<p>Anne spoke into her tea cup. "He just woke up in the middle of the night complaining of pains and collapsed before the paramedics got here."</p>
<p>Harry rubbed her back. "I'm so sorry."</p>
<p>"Thank God you're here, Harry."</p>
<p>"Where is. . . You know. . . Where is he now?"</p>
<p>"They took him to the funeral home. Clara is making all of the arrangements for me. She and Greg have been wonderful. I couldn't bear to do it. . . Not again."</p>
<p>Harry hugged her tighter. "I know."</p>
<p>That night, Harry slept next to his mother so that she didn't have to be alone. It felt surreal sleeping where Mark had slept just last night, and now, he was gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next day was a blur: people dropping off casseroles and flowers, his mother retreating to her room to cry, Ella stopping in to pay her respects. They had grown apart in the years since Harry moved, but they always made a point to see eachother when Harry came home even if it was just for coffee.</p>
<p>So, when Anne took a nap late that afternoon, Ella and Harry walked down to the café around the corner. It was a small piece of normal in an otherwise surreal time.</p>
<p>"How long can you take off work?" She asked.</p>
<p>"I just called them this morning. They gave me a day of bereavement then I took the rest of the week off as vacation. I may take mum back to London with me until she can figure things out."</p>
<p>"Has anyone talked to Louis?"</p>
<p>Just the mention of his name has caused what felt like a knot in Harry's stomach.</p>
<p>"Greg and Clara are handling contacting people. I'm sure they called him. He and Mark have been estranged according to my mother, and I'm not sure if he would even come."</p>
<p>"What are you going to do if he does?"</p>
<p>Harry nervously took a sip of his coffee. "What can I do?"</p>
<p>Ella knew about his night with Louis. He told her bits and pieces but kept a lot of the specifics to himself. Some of it was too intimate to share, and he didn't want to devalue what that experience had meant to him. Even though it was only one night, it had shaped Harry in many ways and set a bar for future expectations.</p>
<p>Ella dipped her iced coffee. "So, I guess we'll just have to wait and see. . ."</p>
<p>"My mother is my priority. I can't lose sleep over whether Louis is coming."<br/>
(It was all Harry could think about.)</p>
<p>That night, Greg and Clara had Harry and his mother over for dinner. They insisted Harry get her out of the house since he told them she spent most of the day crying in her room while random people dropped off food.</p>
<p>During dinner, Anne was quiet and barely touched her chicken salad. She drank a copious amount of wine instead.</p>
<p>The wake was scheduled for the day after tomorrow. The pit in Harry's stomach was growing by the second. He just needed to know.</p>
<p>He finally asked. "Have you contacted Louis?" Harry swallowed the lump in his throat in anticipation of Clara's response.</p>
<p>"Yes. I spoke to him today. He was despondent when I told him, and it wasn't clear whether he would be coming."</p>
<p>Just knowing that she'd spoken to him had made Harry's heart beat even faster. "Where is he?"</p>
<p>"He's still living in California near Johannah."</p>
<p>"Did you have his phone number?"</p>
<p>She looked over at Greg and said hesitantly. "Um. . . Greg kept in touch with him. We know he and Mark had a horrible relationship. Greg tried to intervene some years back. Louis and he sort of bonded in the process. Mark actually never really knew about that."</p>
<p>Harry looked over at Greg as if he were holding all in the information in the world that mattered to Harry. </p>
<p>"What is he doing now?" Harry's voice was shaky.</p>
<p>"He graduated from college, got his social work license. He's working with disadvantage youth. The last time we spoke was probably six months ago."</p>
<p>"Really. . ."</p>
<p>Wow.</p>
<p>That was more information than Harry had gotten in years. It made him both happy and sad at the same time to know that he was doing well—sad only because he didn't know Louis anymore and hadn't ever met the man that he become.</p>
<p>Harry cleared his throat. "So, you don't know if he'll be here?"</p>
<p>"No. He wouldn't say," Clara said. "I think he was in shock. I gave him all of the details so he'd have them."</p>
<p>Harry's heart tightened in agony at the thought of what might have been going through Louis's mind wherever he was at the moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>        ++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p>The smell of lilies made Harry sick. Everyone seemed to be sending the stargazer kind that stunk the most. Harry offered to drive a bunch of the arrangements that had been sent to the house over to the funeral home.</p>
<p>The service would be starting at four, but before then, they were supposed to be going over to Greg and Clara's again for a light lunch.</p>
<p>Harry's mother accompanied him as they laid out flowers in the corners of the surrounding spot where the coffin would go. They also dropped off pictures of Mark and them over the years. It made Harry sad that there wasn't one photo of Mark and Louis.</p>
<p>The funeral home smelled like a mix of musty wood and air freshener. Harry wasn't looking forward to coming back later and having to see Mark's body or his mother's reaction.</p>
<p>In the drive over to Greg and Clara's, Harry held his mother's hand. She was doing better than expected, although Harry was fairly certain she'd taken some Xanax to take the edge off.</p>
<p>When they got to the house, Harry was relieved that there were no cars that he didn't recognise out front. That meant it would just be the four of them for lunch. Harry's relief turned to panic almost immediately when he entered the house and spotted a black suitcase in the entrance Hallway. Clara hugged his mother while Harry looked around anxiously.</p>
<p>Too nervous to ask the question he wanted to, he stood in silence as his chest tightened. Then, finally, Harry took a deep breath in and out and asked, "Whose suitcase?"</p>
<p>"Louis is here, Harry. He's upstairs."</p>
<p>Harry's heart started to pound furiously, and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He suddenly needed air. "Excuse me," he said, walking our the back door and into their garden.</p>
<p>Unprepared to face him, Harry stared over at the red tulips in the flower garden. A part of Harry truly didn't think Louis would be here because of his volatile relationship with Mark, although the dread he'd been carrying around the past couple of days was proof that another part of him was readying for it.</p>
<p>Harry didn't know what he was going to say to Louis. The cool spring hair blew Harry's long curly hair around, and he looked up at the sky as if to shun the universe for dropping this bomb in him. Perhaps, Harry got his response because thunder rumbled in the distance.</p>
<p>Call it intuition or instinct, something made Harry turn around and look up at the French doors on the second floor balcony that overlooked the garden where Harry was standing.</p>
<p>From behind the glass, Harry saw him.<br/>
Louis.</p>
<p>He stood looking down at Harry with a white towel wrapped around his waist. Harry always imagined what he might look like after seven years, but even his wildest dreams couldn't have conjured up what Harry was actually met with.</p>
<p>His messy fringe looked longer and seemed to curl slightly at the end and he was wearing glasses. Harry thought he looked even sexier in glasses. Even from where he was standing Harry could see the piercing blue of his eyes through them. His inked body looked slightly taller and even more toned than before.</p>
<p>He lifted a cigarette to his mouth and even in the midst of the shock of seeing him, disappointment set in that he was smoking again. Louis blew out the smoke as his eyes stayed fixed on Harry's. He wasn't smiling. He just looked at Harry intently. His powerful stare alone had put all of Harry's senses on high alert, throwing his body out of whack.</p>
<p>Harry's head was pounding, his eyes were teary, his ears were beating, his mouth was watering, his hands were trembling, his knees were shaking and his heart. . . He couldn't describe what was going on in his chest.</p>
<p>Before Harry could process any of this, a woman with long brown hair came up from behind Louis and wrapped her arms around his waist.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not hating on lilies their actually my favourite flowers.</p>
<p>Oh and I'm sorry about that bit at the end 🤦🏼</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some things never change. . .</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once Harry finally built up the courage to go back inside, he sat at the dining room table and downed the water at his place setting. Harry's mouth was still dry. He felt like the room was spinning.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" His mother asked.</p>
<p>Harry thought he should be the one to ask her that. Harry nodded, grabbing her water, too and drinking it all. Needing to be strong for her, he couldn't allow himself to lose his shit today.</p>
<p>They hadn't come downstairs yet. After the mystery woman appeared behind Louis through the glass, he'd immediately turned around and disappeared from sight. It took Harry a few minutes to move from his spot in the garden.</p>
<p>He had a girlfriend. . . Or a wife?</p>
<p>Even though this should have crossed Harry's mind as a likely possibility after seven years, it wasn't something that entered into the equation when Harry imagined seeing him again.</p>
<p>The sounds of two sets of footsteps descending the stairs in Union caused Harry to stiffen and sit straighter in his chair.<br/>Thump.<br/>Thump.<br/>Thump.<br/>When they entered the dining room, Harry's body went into fight or flight mode as adrenaline pumped through him.</p>
<p>Harry thought he maybe should have stood up or said something to but he just stayed glued to his chair. His mother walked over to Louis and pulled him into a hug. </p>
<p>"Louis, it's good to see you. I'm sorry about your father. I know you and he had a rough time, but he loved you. He did."</p>
<p>Louis's body went rigid, but he didn't back away from her. He simply said, "I'm sorry for you."</p>
<p>As Louis reluctantly let Harry's mother hug him, his eyes darted over to Harry and stayed there. Harry couldn't tell what he was thinking, but Harry was pretty sure it was along the same lines of what was running through his own.</p>
<p>This reunion was never supposed to happen.</p>
<p>After Anne let him go, Louis companion went over to hug her. "Mrs Tomlinson, I'm Eleanor, Louis's girlfriend. I'm so sorry for your loss."</p>
<p>"Call me Anne. Thank you sweetheart. Nice to meet you."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry it had to be under these circumstances." She said as she rubbed Anne's back.</p>
<p>Harry's hands landed on her french manicured nails. She was tall with legs for days, slim and had long, straight brown hair that fell down her back. She was gorgeous.<br/>Of course she was.<br/>Harry's insides felt like they were twisting.</p>
<p>Louis slowly walked to Harry. "Harry. . ."</p>
<p>The sound of his name rolling off Louis tongue had momentarily taken Harry back seven years in that instant.</p>
<p>"Louis." Harry got up from his chair. "I. . . I'm so sorry. . . about Mark." Harry stuttered, his lips started to tremble. It felt like all of the breath left his body when Louis stood in front of him, and he inhaled the old familiar smell of clove cigarettes and cologne. So much time had gone by, but emotionally, it felt like yesterday. The only difference was that the person who left his bedroom that day was still essentially a boy, and the person before him now was clearly a man.</p>
<p>Harry looked at louis and marveled at how he'd grown even more handsome. His favourite characteristics were still there but with some changes. His blue eyes still glowed, but now it was through black framed glasses and laugh lines. His cheek bones were more defined and had a little more facial scruff now.</p>
<p>Louis just stayed looking at Harry. Harry finally reached out to hug him and felt Louis warm hands on his back. Harry's heart was beating so fast, it felt like it might stop altogether. One thing that apparently hasn't changed was the way Harry's body instantly reacted to Louis's touch. Just as Harry closed his eyes, he heard a voice from behind him.</p>
<p>"You must be Anne's son. You two look like twins."</p>
<p>Harry separated from Louis suddenly and held out his clammy hand. "Yes. . . Hi, I'm Harry."</p>
<p>She didn't take it. Instead, she smiled sympathetically and hugged him. "I'm Eleanor. It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry about your stepfather." Her hair smells Harry expected it would, a clean, delicate scent to match her apparently sweet personality.</p>
<p>"Thank you." Harry said </p>
<p>The tension in the air was palpable as the three of them just stood there in awkward silence. Clara walked carrying a roast chicken with the trimmings on an oval plate. Harry used the operative to escape from the situation and offered to help her bring in the rest of the items, leaving Louis and Eleanor standing there.</p>
<p>Harry's nervous hands fumbled with the silverware Clara tasked him with gathering from the drawer in the kitchen. Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath before re-entering the dining room.</p>
<p>Greg was talking while Harry walked around distributes in the cutlery. Knife, forks and spoons kept slipping out of his trepidatious hands. With nothing left to do, Harry then sat down across from where Louis and Eleanor were sitting. Harry's eyes stayed glued to the reflection of his face on his place.</p>
<p>"So, how did you kids meet?" Greg asked them.</p>
<p>Harry glanced up.</p>
<p>Eleanor smiled and looked adoringly over at Louis. "We both work at the youth centre. I head up the after-school program, and Louis is a counselor. We started off as friends. I really admired how good he was with the kids. They all love him." She placed her hand on his. "Now, I do, too."</p>
<p>Harry could see from the corner of his eye that she leaned in and kissed Louis. The white shirt he was wearing suddenly felt like it was suffocating him.</p>
<p>"That's very sweet." Clara said.</p>
<p>"Louis, how it Johannah taking this?"  Greg asked.</p>
<p>"She's not doing well." Louis said abruptly.</p>
<p>Harry looked up upon hearing him speak. Louis hadn't spoken the entire time since saying Harry's name.</p>
<p>Elena squeezed Louise hand. "We tried to get her to come but, she didn't think she could handle it."<br/>We.<br/>She was close to Louis's mother.<br/>This was definitely serious.</p>
<p>"Well, it's better off then that she stayed back." Clara said.</p>
<p>Probably uncomfortable with the mention of Johannah, Harry's mother took a long sip of her wine. She knew she was the number one reason for Johannah not showing up today.</p>
<p>Elena turn to Harry. "Where do you live, Harry?"</p>
<p>"I live in London, actually. I just came into town a couple of days ago."</p>
<p>"That must be exciting. I've always wanted to visit." She turned to Louis. "Maybe we could visit him sometime? We'd have a place to stay."</p>
<p>Louis nodded his head once, looking extremely uncomfortable as he played with his food. At one point Harry could feel Louis's eyes on him. When Harry turned to look at Louis to confirm it, their eyes met for a quick second befor Louis shifted his gaze back down to his plate.</p>
<p>"Louis never told me he had a step brother." Eleanor said.</p>
<p>It hurt Harry that Louis never mentioned him.</p>
<p>Harry's mother spoke up for the first time. "Louis only lived with if for a short time back when they were teenagers." Anne looked that Harry. "The two of you didn't get along too well back then."</p>
<p>Anne knew nothing about what really happened between Louis and Harry. So, from her perspective, that statement was an accurate one.</p>
<p>Louis raspy voice cut right through Harry. "Is that true Harry?"</p>
<p>Harry dropped his folk. "Is what true?"</p>
<p>"That we didn't get along?"</p>
<p>Surely, the hidden meaning in Louis's question was meant for only Harry to understand. Harry wasn't sure why he was taunting him in the midst of what was already an uncomfortable situation.</p>
<p>"We had our moments."</p>
<p>Louis's eyes seared into Harry's, and his voice lowered. "Yeah, we did."</p>
<p>Suddenly, Harry was burning up.</p>
<p>Louis's mouth spread into a smile. "What was that you used to call me?"</p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"Stepbrother dearest, was it? Because of my glowing personality?" Louis turned to Eleanor. "I was a miserable fuck back then."</p>
<p>"How did you know about that nickname?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>Louis smirked.</p>
<p>Harry smiled. "Oh, right. You used to eavesdrop on me."</p>
<p>"Sounds like those were fun times," Eleanor said as she looked innocently back and forth between Louis and Harry.</p>
<p>"They were." Louis said glaring at Harry with the look that was hardly innocent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>      ++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eleanor and Harry helped Clara bring the dishes to the kitchen. In thirty minutes, they were scheduled to be at the funeral home for the viewing hours.</p>
<p>Her voice started Harry. "What do you do, Harry?"</p>
<p>Harry didn't feel comfortable getting into the details of his job right now, so he kept his response generic. "I work in an administrative position in the city, just mindless stuff, really."</p>
<p>She smiled. "Sometimes, mindless can be good. Working with kids is fulfilling but exhausting. There's never a dull moment."</p>
<p>They both glanced out to the sliding glass doors. Louis standing in the garden alone, deep in thought with his hands in his pockets.</p>
<p>"I'm really worried about him," she said as she looked out at him. "Can I ask you something?"</p>
<p>This conversation was making Harry uncomfortable. "Sure."</p>
<p>"He won't talk about his father. Did something bad happen between them?"</p>
<p>Her question caught Harry of guard. It wasn't his place to talk to her about Mark and Louis's relationship. Harry knew almost nothing himself.</p>
<p>"They used to argue a lot, and Mark could be very disrespectful towards Louis, but honestly I still don't know what caused it all."</p>
<p>That was all she was going to get from Harry.</p>
<p>"I'm just worried that he's bottling stuff up. His father just died, and he's hardly shown any emotion. I mean, if my father died, I'd be a mess."</p>
<p>I know, Harry thought.</p>
<p>She went on, "I'm afraid it's going to all hit him at once. He's not sleeping. it's bothering him, but he won't talk about it or allow himself to cry."</p>
<p>Harry's heart ached hearing her say that, because he was worried about Louis too.</p>
<p>"Have you tried talking to him?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"Yes. He just says he doesn't want to talk about it. He almost didn't come here for the service. I know he'd regret it, so I pushed and pushed until finally, he gave in."</p>
<p>Wow. He really wasn't going to come.</p>
<p>"I'm glad you did."</p>
<p>"I really love him, Harry."</p>
<p>Harry had no doubt that she did and while hearing her say that made his stomach hurt, the more logical side of him was happy that Louis had found someone who cares about him like that. Harry didn't know what to say. He couldn't exactly tell that he might have felt the same way too.</p>
<p>Harry cared about him too.</p>
<p>Maybe that made no sense after so long, but his feelings for Louis were just as strong today, as they were seven years ago. And just like before, Harry would have to harbour them.</p>
<p>Eleanor put her hand on Harry's arm. "Will you do me a favour?"</p>
<p>"Okay. . ."</p>
<p>"Will you go out there. . . see if you can get him to talk about it?"</p>
<p>"Um. . ."</p>
<p>"Please? I don't know who else to ask. I don't think he's going to be prepared for everything tonight."</p>
<p>Harry look back out at Louis and his strong stature as he stood in the garden. This could have been his only opportunity to talk to Louis alone, so he agreed.</p>
<p>"Okay."</p>
<p>She hugged him. "Thank you. I owe you one."</p>
<p>That embrace had made Harry realised that it was absolutely possible to genuinely like someone that you were insanely jealous of.</p>
<p>Harry took a deep breath and made his way through the sliding glass doors. The sky was turning grey as if it were about to open up into a thunderstorm. It was not the appropriate time to notice how incredible Louis's ass looked through the fitted black dress pants he was wearing, but nevertheless, Harry did. <br/>Harry cleared his throat to announce himself. Louis didn't turn but knew it was Harry.</p>
<p>"What are you doing out here, Harry?"</p>
<p>"Eleanor asked me to come talk to you."</p>
<p>Louis shrugged his shoulders, his laugh full of sarcasm.</p>
<p>"Oh, really?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"Were you two comparing notes?"</p>
<p>"That's not funny."</p>
<p>Louis finally turned around to look at Harry, blowing out the last of the smoke from the cigarette before promptly throwing it on the ground and crushing it with his foot.</p>
<p>"You think she'd have sent you out to talk to me if you knew the last time before today that you and I were together, we were fucking like rabbits?"</p>
<p>Although it shocked Harry, hearing him acknowledge that sent a shiver through his body. "Do you have to put it like that?"</p>
<p>"It's the truth, isn't it? She would freak the fuck out if she knew."</p>
<p>"Well, I'm not going to be the one to tell her, so you don't have to worry. I would never do that."</p>
<p>Harry's eye started to twitch.</p>
<p>Louis lifted his brow. "Why are you winking at me?"</p>
<p>"I'm not. . . My eye is twitching because——"</p>
<p>"Because you're nervous. I know. You used to do that when I first met you. Glad to see we've come full circle."</p>
<p>"I guess some things never really change, do they? It's been seven years but it seems just like—"</p>
<p>"Like yesterday." Louis repeated. "It seems just like yesterday, and that's fucked up. This whole situation is."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It was never supposed to happen."</p>
<p>Louis's gaze fell to Harry's neck and then back up to his eyes. "Where is he?"</p>
<p>"Who?"</p>
<p>"Your fiancé."</p>
<p>"I'm not engaged. I was. . . but not anymore. How did you know I was engaged?"</p>
<p>Louis lock dumbfounded then stared down at the ground for the longest time before dodging Harry's question. "What happened?"</p>
<p>"It's kind of a long story, but I was the one that ended it. He moved to Europe for a job. It just wasn't meant to be."</p>
<p>"Are you with anyone now?"</p>
<p>"No." Harry change the subject off himself. "Eleanor is really nice."</p>
<p>"She's wonderful; one of the best things that's ever happened to me, actually."</p>
<p>Harry felt like he'd been punched in the gut.</p>
<p>"She's really worried about you because you haven't shown any emotion. She asked me if I knew what the story was between you and Mark. I didn't know what to say because there is so much I still don't even know."</p>
<p>"You know more than she does, and that wasn't my choice. The bottom line is, he was a crappy father and now, he's dead. Seriously, that's all my mind can process right now. This hasn't even hit me yet."</p>
<p>"It was such a shock." </p>
<p>"My mother is taking it really hard." Louis said </p>
<p>"How was she doing before this?"</p>
<p>"Better than she was doing back then, but not 100-percent. The verdict is still out though on what Mark's death is going to do to a mental state."</p>
<p>The wind suddenly intensified and misty raindrops started the fall. Harry looked up to the sky then down at his watch. "We have to leave in a few minutes."</p>
<p>"Go back inside. Tell her I'll be there in a minute." Louis said.</p>
<p>Harry ignored him and stayed standing there. He felt like a failure. He gotten nowhere with Louis. Fuck. Harry's eyes were starting to water.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" Louis snapped.</p>
<p>"Eleanor's not the only one who was worried about you."</p>
<p>"She's the only one that has a right to be. You don't need to be worrying about me. I'm none of your concern."</p>
<p>It had stung harder than anything Louis had ever said to Harry.</p>
<p>In that moment, Louis had violently thrown back and stomped on whenever piece of Harry's heart he'd given him all those years ago. It disappointed Harry that he idealised Louis all this time, compared all his boyfriend's to him, put him on a pedestal when clearly Louis didn't care about Harry's feelings.</p>
<p>"You know what? If I didn't feel so sorry for what you're going through right now, I tell you to kiss my ass." Harry said.</p>
<p>"And if I wanted to be a dick, I'd say you were asking me to kiss your ass because you remembered how much you fucking loved it when I did." Louis brushed past Harry. "Take care of your mother tonight."</p>
<p>The past couple of hours had been an emotional rollercoaster of shock, sadness, jealousy and now. . . anger. Pure anger. The tears started to pour down Harry's face in a stream that matched the intensity of the raindrops now steadily falling after Louis left Harry speechless in the garden.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I didn't know Mark had a son."</p>
<p>Harry couldn't count the number of times someone visiting them in the recieving line had said it. It made him feel really bad for Louis despite his behaviour earlier. The smell of flowers mixed with the perfume of a dozen random woman was suffocating.</p>
<p>Most of the people who showed up to the wake were either Mark's work friends or neighbors. The line curled around the corner, and it was a little unsettling to see people having easy conversations, sometimes laughing as they waited to visit the coffin. It was like a cocktail party without the alcohol, and it was pissing Harry off. </p>
<p>Harry stood next to his mother who'd broken down completely after seeing her husband's lifeless body for the first time since the heart attack. He rubbed her back and replaced her tissues and did whatever he could to help her hold it together long enough to make it through until the end.</p>
<p>Eleanor had convinced Louis to stand in the family lineup despite his initial resistance. Harry thinks Louis was just too worn out to fight it.</p>
<p>The makeup caked onto Mark's face made it look stiff and almost unrecognisable. It was devastating to Harry to see him lying there and brought back flashbacks of when his own father died.</p>
<p>Louis wouldn't go to the casket or even look at it for that matter. He just stood there, stoic and robotically shaking hands while Eleanor responded on his behalf as people repeated the same phrase.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry for your loss."<br/>"I'm sorry for your loss."<br/>"I'm sorry for your loss."</p>
<p>Louis looked like he was about to break, and Harry felt like he was the only one who knew it.</p>
<p>Harry had to go to the bathroom at one point, so he let Anne know he'd be right back. Harry hadn't been able find it and eventually made his way downstairs to an empty seating area. It smelled a little musty, but it was a relief to escape the noise of the crowd. Upon entering the quiet of the lower level, he finally saw the sign for the bathroom at the other end of the room.</p>
<p>When Harry came out, the hairs on his body stiffened at the sight of Louis alone on one of the couches. Louis leaned into his knees with both palms plastered to each side of his head. When he lowered his hands, he was still looking down. His ears were red, and his back was rising and falling from the heaviness of his breathing. This was a private moment and Harry was inadvertently intruding on it.</p>
<p>Perhaps it was the breakdown Harry had seen coming earlier by the look on Louis's face upstairs. Nevertheless, Harry didn't want Louis to see him. The problem was he had to pass him in order to get to the stairs.</p>
<p>Despite Louis upsetting him earlier, the need to comfort him was overwhelming, but Harry knew after what Louis had said to him, that it wasn't Harry's place. So Harry walked slowly past him.</p>
<p>When Harry got to the hallway where the stairs were located, the sound of Louis voice startled him. "Wait."</p>
<p>Harry stopped in his tracks and turned around. "I need to get back upstairs to mum."</p>
<p>"Give me a few minutes."</p>
<p>Harry brushed the white lint off the black material of his jacket and walked towards him, taking a seat next to him on the couch. The warmth of Louis's body next to him was not lost on Harry.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>Louis looked at Harry and shook his head no.</p>
<p>Squashing down the urge to hug him, Harry placed his hands firmly on his own lap.<br/>It's not your place, he told himself.</p>
<p>Then, every part of Harry felt it when Louis put his hand on his knee. That one touch undid any progress Harry had made in the hours since their altercation in the garden.</p>
<p>"What I said to you earlier. . . I'm sorry." Louis said.</p>
<p>"Which part?"</p>
<p>"All of it. I don't know how to handle this. . . Mark. . . You. . . None of it at all. It all seems surreal. On the plane here, I prayed you wouldn't show up."</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"Because this situation is hard enough."</p>
<p>"I didn't think I'd ever see you again. I certainly didn't expect it to be this hard, to feel like this after seven years, Louis."</p>
<p>"Like what?"</p>
<p>"Like no time's passed. For me, it's because I've held on to it all. In my mind, I've never let you go, and it's affected my relationships and my life. It was manageable before, thought. . . before this. Anyway, I really shouldn't be getting into it. It doesn't matter anymore. You love Eleanor."</p>
<p>"I do," he said abruptly.</p>
<p>Hearing him confirm it so vehemently had caused Harry's eyes to unexpectedly well up. "She's a good person. But seeing you with some else after the way we left things is still really hard for me. Seeing you in pain is even harder."</p>
<p>Harry had completely thrown up his words and said exactly what was on his mind because once again, Harry wasn't sure if it would be the last time they'd be alone together. It was important that Louis knew how he felt. Harry shook his head repeatedly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that."</p>
<p>The people upstairs sounded like they were a million miles away. You could hear a pin drop.</p>
<p>Harry was looking down when Louis's hand startled Harry as it landed on his cheek. Louis slowly slid it down and wrapped it around Harry's neck.</p>
<p>"Harry. . ." Louis breathed out with a level of emotion Harry had only seen from Louis one other time before—seven years ago.</p>
<p>Harry closed his eyes and realised that for a moment they were back in that place. Harry was with old Louis - his Louis. This was something Harry never thought he'd get to feel again. Louis kept his hand on Harry's throat and lightly squeezed it. It was innocent, but there was a fine line being drawn with every second that passed. Louis's thumb brushed back and forth over Harry's neck slowly. The feel of Louis's rough, calloused fingers warmed Harry's entire body. Harry didn't understand what was happening, and he wasn't sure if Louis did, either. Harry prayed that no-one came downstairs because the second he snapped out if it, his Louis would be gone.</p>
<p>"I hurt you." Louis said, his fingers still locked around Harry's skin.</p>
<p>"It's okay," Harry whispered. His eyes still closed.</p>
<p>Louis quickly moved his hand off Harry when they heard footsteps.</p>
<p>"There you are," Eleanor said as she walked towards where they sat on the couch. "I don't blame you two for wanting a breather. This night had been exhausting."</p>
<p>Harry immediately got up and offered her probably the fakest smile Harry had ever conjured up in his life. His heart was still racing from what he'd just experienced.</p>
<p>"The priest is getting ready to lead a prayer. I wanted to make sure you didn't miss it," she said to Louis. "Are you feeling okay to head back upstairs?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. . . Uh. . . I'm fine," Louis said. "Let's go."</p>
<p>Louis gave Harry a quick look that was hard to read before turning around towards the stairs with Eleanor. Harry followed them and watched as Louis placed a hand in the small of her back, the same hand that had just been wrapped around Harry's neck a minute ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>   +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After the wake, Greg and Clara invited a few people back to their house for tea and pastries. Harry's mother felt obligated to go, which meant Harry needed to stay with her and driver her home. </p>
<p>Anne and Harry were the last ones to leave the funeral home, so by the time they got to the house, the dining room was full of people. The house smelled like freshly made coffee and the blueberry scones Clara had just taken out of the oven.</p>
<p>Harry wished he could of just gone home and slept, though. Tomorrow would be another long day with the funeral. He didn't even know when Louis was leaving to go back to California and assumed he wouldn't be staying much longer than tomorrow.</p>
<p>Louis and Eleanor were nowhere to be found. Even though it was none of his business, Harry couldn't help wondering where they were and what they were doing. Just as soon as he had the thought, Eleanor appeared in the living room, carrying a scone on a paper plate. She had changed out if her black dress and into some casual shirts and t-shirt. Her hair was tied into a loose pony-tail, and she appeared younger without any makeup.</p>
<p>"Hey Harry, can I join you?" She sat next to Harry before he even responded.</p>
<p>"Sure." Harry scooted over on the loveseat.</p>
<p>"I'm glad you came back here," she said. "Greg and Clara's house is really nice, isn't it? I'm glad we're staying here instead of a hotel."</p>
<p>"It is."</p>
<p>"I hope to own a house someday, but with our salaries at the youth centre, it'll be a while before that happens. Our apartment is really small."</p>
<p>Our apartment.</p>
<p>"How long have you lived together?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"Just a few months. We've been together almost a year. Louis was hesitant to move further away from his mother, but he eventually gave in. Johannah wasn't well for a long time. You know that, right?"</p>
<p>"Yes. I knew she had issues."</p>
<p>"Well, the past year has been a lot better. She actually has a boyfriend now. . . but when she found out Mark died, she took it really hard, so we're worried she'll have a relapse."</p>
<p>"Where's Louis now?"</p>
<p>"He's just upstairs."</p>
<p>"How's he doing?"</p>
<p>"Actually. . . he's acting really strange tonight."</p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>She looked around to make sure no one was listening to their conversation. "Okay. . . well, we left the wake a little early and came back here. He. . ."</p>
<p>"He what?"</p>
<p>She leaned in and whispered, "He wanted to have sex."</p>
<p>Harry nearly regurgitated his tea.</p>
<p>Why in God's name is she telling me this, Harry thought.</p>
<p>Harry coughed. "Is that unusual?"</p>
<p>"No, I mean. . . he has a huge sexual appetite, but this was different."</p>
<p>Huge sexual appetite. . .</p>
<p>Harry did his best to play it casual and pretend he wasn't sick to his stomach over this conversation, which he was pretty sure would traumatise him. "Different?"</p>
<p>"We got back here, and he immediately dragged me upstairs and started ripping my clothes off. It was like he was doing it to bury his feelings, to forget about tonight. And I understood that. But then, once we started, he couldn't finish. The look in his eyes. . . it was like his mind was somewhere else. Then, he just ran into the bathroom, slammed the door, and I heard the shower running."</p>
<p>"Did he say anything after?"</p>
<p>"No. Nothing."</p>
<p>"It must have had something to do with everything that happened tonight." Harry said.</p>
<p>"I can't leave him like this." She said.</p>
<p>"What do you mean leave him?"</p>
<p>"He didn't tell you? I can't stay for the funeral."</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"My flight leaves at nine in the morning. My sister is getting married tomorrow night. I know. . . a Friday night wedding, right? I guess having it on a weeknight cut the cost of the venue by half. But it still sucks for the rest of us who have to work or have lives. I'm her maid of honour. The timing couldn't be worse."</p>
<p>She was leaving.</p>
<p>"When is Louis going back?"</p>
<p>"His flight is Saturday night."</p>
<p>"Oh."</p>
<p>She crossed her legs and took a bite if her scone. "Was he always this complex? I mean, when he was younger?"</p>
<p>"From the brief time I knew him, I would say so. . . yes. His writing books is a good example of that."</p>
<p>She tilted her head. "His writing. . . books?"</p>
<p>She didn't know?</p>
<p>"Oh. . . uh. . . just something he toyd around with. I shouldn't have brought it up. It's irrelevant."</p>
<p>"Wow, I need to ask him about that. I can't believe I didn't know he liked to write. Books about what?"</p>
<p>How could he not have told her?</p>
<p>Harry started to panic. "Just fiction. Don't say I told you." Harry shook his head, urging her to drop it. "I shouldn't have said anything."</p>
<p>Louis voice was cold. "No. You shouldn't have."</p>
<p>They both turned at the same time to find Louis standing in front of them.</p>
<p>Shit.</p>
<p>The icey stare he gave Harry was all the indicator Harry needed to know that he had made a big mistake. But it was too late. Now, Louis was the one that had to do damage control.</p>
<p>Eleanor patted the seat next to her. "Come here, baby. Why would you not tell me you used to write? That's so cool."</p>
<p>"It's not a big deal. It was just a hobby I had when I was a teenager."</p>
<p>It wasn't a hobby; it was a passion.<br/>Why wasn't he writing anymore?</p>
<p>"I can't believe you never told me." She said.</p>
<p>Louis brushed it off. "Well, now you know."</p>
<p>Harry was waiting for Louis to look at him so that he could at least mouth a silent apology, but Louis never gave him the opportunity.</p>
<p>Clara walked into the room. "Louis, can I get you anything?" She asked.</p>
<p>"Something strong."</p>
<p>"Got it." She replied.</p>
<p>Clara returned with three shot glasses filled with some kind of amber-coloured liquor. Louis downed the first two immediately.</p>
<p>Eleanor whispered to Harry. "See? Promise you'll keep an eye on him for me, okay?"</p>
<p>Louis slammed the last shot glass down after finishing it's contents. "He doesn't need to keep an eye on me." Louis spewed out.</p>
<p>"You know how badly I feel about leaving you alone." Eleanor said.</p>
<p>"You shouldn't. I'll be fine. I'll be home before you wake up on Sunday morning."</p>
<p>He'd be gone before Harry knew it.</p>
<p>Eleanor leaned her head on Louis's shoulder. Louis had changed into jeans, and his feet were bare. That triggered a flashback to the night Louis initially opened up to Harry in his bedroom when Harry noticed for the first time how beautiful Louis's feet were bare. Harry willed the thought away because when Eleanor had asked Harry to keep an eye on Louis, he hardly thought she meant ogling him.</p>
<p>Harry's mother walked into the room. "Honey, I think I need to get home and rest for tomorrow."</p>
<p>"Okay, we'll get going." Harry couldn't get off that couch fast enough.</p>
<p>Eleanor stood up. "Harry, I won't see you again. I can't tell you how good it was to meet you. I hope we'll meet again."</p>
<p>"Likewise." Harry lied.</p>
<p>As Harry hugged her, he looked behind her shoulder at Louis and mouthed, "I'm sorry," hoping Louis would forgive him for letting the cat out if the bag about his writing. Louis just looked at him with an unreadable expression. While Harry couldn't understand why Louis never mentioned it to her if they were serious, that didn't matter. Harry had once again overstepped his boundaries when it came to Louis. Despite whatever that was between them downstairs at the funeral home, Harry had no real place in Louis's life anymore. Harry made a vow then and there to keep his distance from him tomorrow unless Louis sought him out.</p>
<p>He doesn't need me. He has her. That would be Harry's mantra.</p>
<p>Eleanor hugged Harry's mother. "Anne, please accept my sincere condolences again. I'm so sorry that I have to be in California for my sister's wedding tomorrow."</p>
<p>"Thank you." Harry's mother said. He could tell she was exhausted.</p>
<p>Eleanor whispered in Harry's ear. "Thank you for letting me vent about that stuff earlier, too."</p>
<p>"Anytime."</p>
<p>Thank you for traumatising me, Harry thought.</p>
<p>In another life, this girl could have been Harry's best friend. Harry could tell she was the kind of person you could call at any hour of the night to vent about all your problems. She was that nice, and Harry felt he was that evil for the amount of relief he felt knowing that she'd be leaving on a plane tomorrow morning.</p>
<p>Now, the only hurdle for Harry would be getting through the next twenty four hours. Then, Louis would be in a plane too and out of Harry's life again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The polar opposite of a graveyard. . .</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a beautiful day despite the somber mood. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and Harry had actually managed to sleep. But this wasn't an ordinary spring morning in Manchester. Today, Harry's mother would have to bury a husband for the second time in her life, and Louis would have to bury his father.</p>
<p>Harry hadn't realized until Eleanor told him she was leaving last night how much anxiety her presence had caused. Even though Harry would have to face Louis again, today didn't feel half as horrible as yesturday.</p>
<p>When Harry walked into his mother's room, she was sitting in the bed holding a picture of Mark and her on their wedding day. She had been wearing a simple white suit for their small ceremony at the county hall. They seemed really happy together back then. </p>
<p>"He had a lot if demons, but he loved me," she said. "That was probably the only thing I was certain of when it came to him."</p>
<p>Harry wrapped his arm around her and took the picture frame from her grasp. "I remember that day like it was yesterday."</p>
<p>"This marriage. . . it was like a fresh start for him, but he was never able to resolve his past or his anger over it. He never opened up to me about it, and I never pushed it."</p>
<p>Sounds familiar, Harry thought.</p>
<p>She continued, "I didn't really want to know everything, I guess. After the pain of losing your father, I just wanted something easy. It was a bit selfish of me." Anne started to cry. "I'd been prying lately, and it caused a lot of tension. I felt ashamed for never getting involved in the situation with Louis. I was living in a bubble."</p>
<p>"Well, neither of them made it easy to figure out how to help," Harry said.</p>
<p>Anne wiped her eyes and looked at Harry. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."</p>
<p>"Me? Go through what?"</p>
<p>"Seeing Louis with her. . . with Eleanor."</p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"I know what happened between you and him the night before he left for California."</p>
<p>Harry put the picture he'd been holding down on the bed to prevent it from accidentally smashing in the ground in the midst of his shock. "What?"</p>
<p>"I'd gotten up early that day. Louis didn't know I saw him leaving your room to go back to his. Then, later that afternoon, after I came home from running errands, I went to check on you, but you had gone to the shop. I found the condom wrappers in your room and saw his T-shirt peeking out under your pillow. The weeks after he left, you were so depressed. I wanted to be there for you but didn't want to embarrass you or get anyone in trouble with Mark. He would have blown the roof. I kept telling myself that you were eighteen, and if you wanted me to know, you would have told me."</p>
<p>"Wow. I just can't believe you knew all this time."</p>
<p>"Was he you first?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>Anne held Harry's hand. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."</p>
<p>"It's okay. Like you said, it was better that you kept it quiet."</p>
<p>"Was it. . . just sex. . . or was it more?"</p>
<p>"It was a lot more to me. I think he felt the same way at the time. But that doesn't matter now."</p>
<p>"He seems pretty settled with that girl."</p>
<p>"Yeah. They live together."</p>
<p>"He's not married, though."</p>
<p>Harry squinted his eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?"</p>
<p>"Just that if there's anything left unsaid between the two of you, this might be your last opportunity to get it out in the open. With Mark gone, we'll likely never see Louis again after today."</p>
<p>Even though Harry knew that was the case, it really hit home when she said it.</p>
<p>"Thanks for the advice, but I'm pretty sure that ship has sailed."</p>
<p>A tear fell down Harry's cheek despite his attempt to seem unaffected.</p>
<p>"Clearly, for you it hasn't."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry could smell that Louis was right behind him. Even before that, Harry's body could feel him there. The windows in the church were open, and a brisk wind blew the scent of cologne and clove cigarettes right into Harry. It was strangely comforting. The only other scent was the burning of candles that surrounded the alter and the occasional whiff of lilies that had been transported from the funeral home.</p>
<p>Anne and Harry were sitting in the front pew. Harry turned to find Louis sitting next to Greg and Clara. They had arrived just a few minutes after them. Dressed in a fitted black button down shirt with no tie, Louis was looking down. Either Louis didn't catch Harry watching him for those few seconds, or Louis pretended not to notice.</p>
<p>There weren't half as many people here as there were at the wake. It was quiet except for the distant sounds of traffic and the echo of shoes as people walked down the long aisle to their seats.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An organist started playing 'On Eagle's Wings', and the music prompted Harry's mother's tears to flow heavier.</p>
<p>The vicar said the eulogy, which was generic and impersonal. When he referred to mark as a " loving father" every muscle in Harry's body tightened. Technically, if Mark and Louis had a normal relationship, his son might have gotten up to speak. Harry couldn't imagine what Louis would actually say in reality if he had the opportunity. Instead, Louis was quiet the entire service. He wasn't crying. He wasn't looking up. He was just. . . there, which Harry suppose was better than not showing up at all. Harry had to give him credit for that.</p>
<p>The service went by quickly and at the end, the vicar gave out the address of the cemetery and announced that the family would like to invite everyone for a meal at a local pub following the burial.</p>
<p>Harry followed Louis, Greg and a few men who were Mark's friends as they served as pallbearers and carried the coffin out of the church. Louis continued to show no emotion.</p>
<p>Anne opted not to use a limo, so they drove together in Harry's rental car and followed the hearse. Greg, Clara and Louis were in the car behind them.</p>
<p>When they got to the graveyard, they gathered around the massive dirt hole that had been dug into the ground. The question of whether Harry's mother would be buried in this same plot or with his father crossed his mind.</p>
<p>Louis emerged from the car and walked over to where Harry had been standing and looked down at the ditch. He was staring down into it just like Harry was. When Louis turned to Harry, the look in his eyes was one of panic.</p>
<p>It's funny how fast a person can set aside their pride when they truly sense that someone they care about needs help.</p>
<p>Harry reached our for Louis's hand. Louis didn't resist.</p>
<p>"I can't do this," Louis said.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"What if they want me to lower the casket into the ground? I can't do it."</p>
<p>"It's okay Louis. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I don't think that's something they expect you to do anyway."</p>
<p>Louis was just nodding and blinking but not saying anything. He swallowed anxiously. Then, Louis let go of Harry's hand, turned around and weaved through the people who were starting to arrive. Louis kept walking down the road farther and farther away from the burial site. Without thinking it through, Harry jogged to catch up with him.</p>
<p>"Louis. . . wait!"</p>
<p>When Louis stopped, his breathing was heavier than Harry's even though Harry had been running. If Harry thought Louis was having a breakdown last night at the funeral home, he was wrong. Harry was pretty sure this was the moment where Louis was actually coming undone.</p>
<p>"There's just something about this part of it all that makes it final for me. I can't watch them put him in the ground, let alone having a hand in it."</p>
<p>"It's okay. You don't have to."</p>
<p>"I don't think he'd even want me here, Harry. Either way, I can't witness it."</p>
<p>"Louis, that's a perfectly normal reaction. We don't need to go back. I'll stay here with you."</p>
<p>Louis just kept shaking his head no and stared out away from Harry. He was deep in thought. A black crow landed near them, and Harry wondered what that symbolised.</p>
<p>After several seconds of silence, Louis started to talk. "It was during one of our fights, probably about a year before I met you. Mark said he'd rather be dead and buried than to live to see what a fuck up I'd turn out to be." Louis looked down at his shoes and shook his head repeatedly. "I said something back to him along the lines of, 'well then, I'll be smiling the entire time they're lowering you to the ground." Louis let out a deep breath as if he were holding it the entire time he'd been speaking.</p>
<p>Harry felt his eyes start to water. "Louis. . ."</p>
<p>Louis spoke in a whisper looking up at the sky and said, "I didn't mean it." Harry could barely hear him, and realised that was because Louis was talking to Mark in that moment.</p>
<p>Louis looked at Harry with his hand in his chest. "I need to get out of here. I can't be here. I'm losing it. I feel like I can't breathe."</p>
<p>Louis suddenly started walking fast and Harry followed him.</p>
<p>"Okay. Where? Where do you want to go? The airport?"</p>
<p>"No. . . no. You have your car right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Just get me the fuck out of here "</p>
<p>Harry nodded his head as Louis followed him down the gravel road to the parking area. A crowd was still gathered around Mark's grave several feet away. Harry fumbled with his keys, unlocked the car and Louis got in, slamming the door.</p>
<p>Harry immediately started the engine and pulled out of the lot, heading towards the exit.</p>
<p>"Where do you want to go?"</p>
<p>"Wherever the fuck the polar opposite of this nightmare is. Just drive for a while."</p>
<p>Louis was leaning his head back on the seat rest with his eyes closed. His chest was rising and falling as he loosened the top three buttons of his shirt. When they hit a red light Harry sent a text to his mother.</p>
<p>**Harry: Everything is fine. Louis had something like a panic attack and I'm driving around. Make sure Greg gives you a ride to the pub and let him know Louis is with me. Not sure if we'll miss the meal.**</p>
<p>Harry didn't expect her to respond since the service was still going on but hoped she'd check her phone once she noticed they were gone.</p>
<p>Louis grunted. "Fuck."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"My cigarettes are in Greg's car. I really need one."</p>
<p>"We can stop and get some."</p>
<p>Louis held up his hand. "No. Don't stop. Just drive."</p>
<p>So, that's what Harry did. For two hours straight, he drove on the motorway. It was the middle of the day, so traffic was light. Louis was quiet the entire time, mostly looking out the window.</p>
<p>When Louis had told Harry to take him the polar opposite of a graveyard, to make him forget, he instantly had a brilliant idea and knew exactly where they would go.</p>
<p>"Just another 20 minutes then we're gonna stop somewhere, okay?"</p>
<p>Louis turned and spoke for the first time in hours. "Thank you."</p>
<p>Harry wanted to reach out for his hand but resisted. A few minutes later, it looked like he had fallen asleep. Harry remembered Eleanor saying he hadn't been getting any sleep since finding out Mark died.</p>
<p>Harry's phone rang, and he picked it up.</p>
<p>"Hey mum."</p>
<p>"Harry, we've been worried. The meal is over. Is everything okay?"</p>
<p>"Everything is fine. We're still driving. We're gonna stop soon. Don't worry, okay? I'm sorry I had to leave you." </p>
<p>"I'm alright. The worst is over. I'm with Greg and Clara for the night. Just take care of Louis. He shouldn't be alone."</p>
<p>"Okay. Thanks for understanding mum. I love you."</p>
<p>"I love you too."</p>
<p>They were approaching their destination, so Harry nudged Louis. "Wake up. We're here."</p>
<p>Louis rubbed his eyes and looked over at Harry as they continued down the long driveway.</p>
<p>"Are you taking me to visit the magical wizard if Oz?"</p>
<p>Louis was right. The approach to the building kind of reminded Harry of the yellow brick road with the massive castle at the end.</p>
<p>"No, silly. It's a casino."</p>
<p>"We escaped from a funeral so you could take me gambling? What the fuck?"</p>
<p>When Harry turned to look at his face, Harry expected to see a confused expression, bit instead Louis was giving Harry that rare genuine smile that Harry had only seen a few times — the one that told him that Louis was just messing with him. It was the same look that always made Harry's heart flutter.</p>
<p>Then, Louis started laughing hysterically into his hands. Harry thought he was delirious.</p>
<p>"You think it's distasteful?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>Louis wiped his eyes. "No, I think it's fucking brilliant!"</p>
<p>When Harry pulled into a parking spot, Louis was still laughing.</p>
<p>"Well, you told me to take you to the polar opposite of a graveyard, Louis."</p>
<p>"Yeah, I was thinking maybe a zen Japanese restaurant or I don't know. . . a beach?"</p>
<p>"You want to leave?"</p>
<p>"He'll no. I would never of thought of it myself, but shit, if there's one place where you can drown your sorrows, this world be it." Louis gazed out the window then turned to Harry with a look that gave him chills. "So, help me drown my sorrows, Harry."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The influx of cigarette smoke when they entered the building had nearly chocked Harry.</p>
<p>Harry hacked. "Your not gonna have a problem finding your cancer sticks in this place. In fact, everyone might as well be smoking here. The second hand is just as bad at this quantity."</p>
<p>"Try to have fun, bro." Louis shook Harry jokingly. Harry's body reaction to Louis's hands on his shoulders wasn't surprising. If Louis kept touching Harry like that, this was going to be a long day.</p>
<p>"Please don't call me that."</p>
<p>"What do you prefer I call you here? No one knows us. We can make up names. We're both dressed in all black. We look like mafia high rollers."</p>
<p>"Anything but bro," Harry shouted through the dinging sounds of the hundreds of slot machines as they entered one of the casinos.</p>
<p>"What do you like to play?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"I want to hit one of the tables," Louis said. "What about you?"</p>
<p>"I just do the penny slots."</p>
<p>"The penny slots? You're going wild today, huh?"</p>
<p>"Don't laugh."</p>
<p>"You don't go to a casino like this to play the slots, especially the penny ones."</p>
<p>"I don't know how to play any of the tables."</p>
<p>"I can show you, but first we need drinks." Louis winked. "Always liquor before you poker.</p>
<p>It took Harry a second. You always luck her before you poker her.</p>
<p>Harry rolled his eyes. "God, some things never change. At least you're back to making dirty jokes. That means I did something right today."</p>
<p>"Seriously, this idea. . ." Louis looked around. "Coming here. . . it was perfect."</p>
<p>After they bought some chips, Harry followed Louis to a room with dimmed lighting where people were playing table games. There was a bar in the corner.</p>
<p>"What are they playing?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"Craps. It's a dice game. What do you want to drink?"</p>
<p>"I'll have a rum and Coke."</p>
<p>"Okay, I'll be right back. Don't go winning anything without me," Louis said, walking backwards with a smile.</p>
<p>The grin on Louis face made Harry truly happy even though he knew all of this was only a temporary diversion from the pain Louis was experiencing earlier.</p>
<p>As Harry waited for Louis to return with their drinks, Harry made his way over to one of the tables and stood just behind the players who were standing. A large red-faced inebriated man smiled at Harry before returning his eyes to the game.</p>
<p>Not understand how the game was played, Harry daydreamed and stared at the table until everyone started clapping. When the drunk guy found out he'd won, he turned around and grabbed Harry by the waist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You, pretty boy, are my good luck charm. I haven't had one win tonight until you showed up out of nowhere. I'm not letting you out of my sight."</p>
<p>They guys breath reeked of beer, and sweat soaked through his shirt. Harry smiled at him because it all seemed like pretty innocent drunk banter. That is, until the guy whacked Harry on the ass really hard and kept his hand there. When Harry turned to walk away feeling quite uncomfortable now, Louis was approaching with two drinks in his hand. He was no longer smiling.</p>
<p>"Tell me I did not see that fucking slob smack you on the ass then feel you up." Louis didn't wait for an answer. "Hold these," he said.</p>
<p>Louis grabbed the guy by the neck. "Who the fuck do you think you are putting your hands on him like that?"</p>
<p>The man held up his hands. "I didn't know he was already taken. He was just helping me out."</p>
<p>"It looked like you were helping yourself." Louis dragged him by the neck over to Harry. "Apologize to him right now."</p>
<p>"Look man—"</p>
<p>Louis squeezed his neck harder. "Apologize."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," the man chocked out.</p>
<p>Louis was still irate and wouldn't take his eyes off the guy. Harry gestured with the drinks in his hand. "Come on, Louis. Please let's just go."</p>
<p>Harry breathed a sigh of relief when Louis took his drink from him and started walking away.</p>
<p>The man called out from behind them. "You're lucky you came when you did. I was just about to ask the twink to blow on my dice."</p>
<p>Louis flipped back around and charged towards the man, but Harry ran in front of him blocking his aim. In the process, Louis bumped into Harry, and both drinks spilt all down Harry's clothes.</p>
<p>"Louis no! We can't get kicked out of her. Please. I'm begging you."</p>
<p>Despite the maniacal look in his eyes, by some miracle, Louis backed down.  Harry was glad Louis realised that the guy wasn't worth ruining the night.</p>
<p>"You can thank him that you still have a face," Louis said before following Harry out if the room.</p>
<p>They walked in silence towards the exit until Louis took one look at Harry's clothes when they re-entered the bright lighting. </p>
<p>"Shit, Harry. You're a mess."</p>
<p>"A hot mess." Harry laughed.</p>
<p>"Let's go. I'm buying you a new outfit."</p>
<p>"It's fine. I'm just a little wet."</p>
<p>"No, it's not fine. That was my fault."</p>
<p>"It'll dry. Tell you what, if you win something tonight, you can spend it all in a new outfit for me at one of those expensive shops. That's the only way I'm letting you spend any money on me."</p>
<p>"I better get to work then, because you smell like a brewery."</p>
<p>"Why, thank you."</p>
<p>"First, let's get you another adult beverage. Come on."</p>
<p>Harry stuck with Louis while he ordered their drinks at a different bar. "You want to watch me play poker or do you prefer playing your old lady slots?"</p>
<p>"I'd love to watch you play."</p>
<p>Louis looked over at the poker tables to survey the scene. "On second thought, I don't think I'll be able to concentrate if your there. I don't want to be seeing those men and woman throwing themselves at you and I really don't want to get into another fight. Why don't we split up for a little bit. You go play your pennies, and I'll come find you once I've played a couple of rounds."</p>
<p>Harry pointed to the slots diagonally across the room. "I'll be over there, then."</p>
<p>As Harry walked away, he thought about how he should have asked Louis why it bothered him so much if guys or women for that matter, hit in him. Harry was single after all. Didn't Louis say it wasn't Harry's place to care for him? So, why did Louis care about that if he's with Eleanor? Harry had to endure watching Louis's girlfriend all over him right in front of Harry, so why shouldn't Louis have to endure some people flirting with Harry?</p>
<p>Harry wanted to text him that question but wasn't sure if Louis had the same phone number from seven years ago. Harry decided to text the old number in his phone anyway to get it off his chest, and if it was no longer Louis's number, then so be it.</p>
<p>**Harry: Why does it matter to you anymore if other people hit in me? You're not supposed to care.**</p>
<p>After a few minutes, there was no reply. It wasn't Louis number anymore. Well, it still felt good to Harry to type those words out.</p>
<p>Harry chose a lucky sevens machine and situated himself next to an old woman whose hair was pretty much blue because it had so much rinse in it. She smiled over at Harry. Her lipstick was the brightest florescent pink, and she had a smear of it on her front teeth. </p>
<p>Harry pulled the lever repeatedly not even paying attention to whether or not he was winning anything. </p>
<p>Her voice startled Harry. "You look like you have something on your mind."</p>
<p>"I do?"</p>
<p>"Who is she, and what did she do?"</p>
<p>Harry thought that he'd never see this woman again after today, so maybe he should just let it all out. </p>
<p>"You want the long version or the short version?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"Honey, I'm ninety, and the dinner buffet opens in five minutes. Give me the short version.*</p>
<p>"Okay. Well first I should tell you that there's no girl, I'm here with my stepbrother. Seven years ago, we slept together right before he moved away."</p>
<p>"Taboo. . . I like it. Go on."</p>
<p>Harry laughed. "Okay. . . well, he was the first and last guy I ever really cared about. I never thought I'd see him again. His father died this week, and he came back for the funeral. He wasn't alone. He brought a girl he supposedly loves. I know she loves him. She's s good person. She had to go back to California early. Somehow, I ended up at this casino with him. He leaves tomorrow."</p>
<p>A single tear drop fell down Harry's face.</p>
<p>"It looks to me like you still care about him."</p>
<p>"I do."</p>
<p>"Well, then you have twenty four hours."</p>
<p>"No, I don't plan on screwing things up for him."</p>
<p>"Is he married?"</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"Then, you have twenty four hours." She looked at her watch and leaned on her walker to stand herself up. She gave Harry her hand. "I'm Evelyn."</p>
<p>"Hi Evelyn. I'm Harry."</p>
<p>"Harry. . . fate gave you an opportunity. Don't fuck it up." She said before she scooted away on the walker.</p>
<p>Over the next several minutes, Harry kept thinking about what she said while mindlessly pulling the lever on the penny slot machine. Even if Louis weren't with Eleanor, the fact remained that he never felt they could be together because of Johannah. Harry didn't know if things had changed in that regard now. Harry's phone buzzed. It was Louis.</p>
<p>**Louis: I know I'm not supposed to care. But when it comes to you, what I'm supposed to be feeling has never seemed to matter.**</p>
<p>In that moment, Harry had made a decision. He wasn't going to be the one to initiate anything between himself and Louis, but he would keep an open mind. Harry wouldn't rule anything out. He'd have hope. Because before he knew it, he'd be 90 and waiting for the dinner buffet. When that time came, he didn't want to have any regrets.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey guys I know it's short and crap I promise the next one will have more to it I've just been rushed off my feet hopefully everything will chill out be the end of the week </p>
<p>Again sorry I know it's not great.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A message from Mark?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lights started flashing on Harry machine, and it was dinging like crazy. A bunch of number sevens were lined up in a nice neat row. The number of credits displayed kept going and going.</p>
<p>Harry looked around to find all eyes in the nearby vicinity were on him.<br/>People started clapping.<br/>Harry's heart was racing.<br/>Holy crap. Harry won.<br/>I won! Harry thought. What did I win?</p>
<p>Harry still didn't know. He couldn't figure the machine out. It gave the number of credits but not in cash amounts. When everything finally stopped, Harry ejected his ticket and took it to the cashier's booth. "I think I won, but I couldn't figure out how much?"</p>
<p>"Do you want to cash out?" The woman behind the booth asked.</p>
<p>"Uh. . . yeah."</p>
<p>The person seemed less than enthused to assist Harry.</p>
<p>"How much did I win?"</p>
<p>"One thousand."</p>
<p>"One thousand pennies?"</p>
<p>"No, one thousand pounds."</p>
<p>Harry covered his mouth and spoke into his palm. "Oh my God!"</p>
<p>"Do you want it in twenties or fifties?"</p>
<p>"Um. . . Fifties."</p>
<p>She handed harry a wad of cash, and he smelt it before running off to find Louis. As Harry made his way through the bright lights and chaos with the money burning a hole in his pocket, he finally located Louis at one of the poker tables. He was deep in thought, scratching his chin and didn't know Harry was watching him. Louis shirt was loosened even further, and his sleeves were rolled up. His hair looked like he'd been running his hand through it in frustration. Louis tongue poked out on the side of him mouth in concentration. There was something so painfully sexy about the contrast between his new bespectacled look and the tattoos all over his arms.</p>
<p>Finally, Louis smacked the cards down and mouthed "Fuck." Louis checked his phone and got up from the table. He walked forward and finally noticed Harry smiling at him from the corner.</p>
<p>"I lost £200. I was up for a while then that last game fucked me over. How did you make out?"</p>
<p>Harry stuck his hand in his pocket and brought out the money. "Oh—you know—the lame penny machine."</p>
<p>"Are you kidding me?"</p>
<p>"A thousand pounds!" Harry said, waving it in Louis's face.</p>
<p>"Shit, Haz. Congratulations!"</p>
<p>When Louis pulled him in a quick but firm hug, Harry quickly closed his eyes because it felt so good to be in Louis's arms again. Every nerve in Harry's body came alive in that brief moment. Harry kept hearing Evelyn's voice in his head.<br/>You have twenty four hours.<br/>It was less than that now. A funny visual of Evelyn with a gun to his head entered Harry's mind.</p>
<p>Harry put the money in his wallet. "Let's go out to dinner and celebrate."</p>
<p>As they walked the corridors looking for a restaurant, Louis phone rang. They stopped in their tracks.</p>
<p>"Hey baby." Louis quickly glanced over at Harry when he said it, and Harry instinctively turned away. With his heart in his mouth, Harry walked a few feet away, still listening to every word.</p>
<p>"I'm glad you made it okay."</p>
<p>"I had a little bit of a freak out at the burial, actually. Harry drove me around for a while until I calmed down. We ended up at a casino. That's where we are."</p>
<p>"I will."</p>
<p>"Me too."</p>
<p>"Have fun. Tell everyone I said hi."</p>
<p>"Love you too."</p>
<p>Well, that was a reality check for Harry. Harry couldn't understand why he was upset that Louis told her the truth, it's not as if this trip is supposed to be some secret little rendezvous. In that moment, Harry realised he was delusional. Sure, Louis's feelings after seeing Harry may have been a little conflicted, but he loved her, not Harry. Plain and simple. Louis heart was in a different place than his was, and Harry needed to accept that.</p>
<p>Louis walked over to Harry. "Hey."</p>
<p>"Hey."</p>
<p>"That was Eleanor. She says hello and to thank you for helping me out today."</p>
<p>Harry flashed a fake smile. "Hello and your welcome."</p>
<p>"Have you figured out what your in the mood for?"</p>
<p>Admitting the true answer to that question would have put Harry back to square one. "I'm heading to the toilet. You decide what you feel like."</p>
<p>Harry took the opportunity to try to freshen up even though he still smelled like the alcohol that spilled down his clothes earlier. At least now Harry could afford a new outfit.</p>
<p>When Harry emerged from the bathroom Louis was looking down at his phone. When he looked up his face appeared pale.</p>
<p>"Are you alright?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>Louis's hand was trembling and he didn't answer Harry.</p>
<p>"Louis?"</p>
<p>"I just got a text. It's from an unknown number." He handed Harry the phone.</p>
<p>Harry was confused. "22?"</p>
<p>"Look what time the message came in."</p>
<p>"2:22. That's weird, but why does it bother you?"</p>
<p>"Marks birthday is February 22nd."</p>
<p>Chills ran through Harry. "You think the message is from Mark?"</p>
<p>Louis's eyes stayed fixed on the phone. "I don't know what to think."</p>
<p>"It might just be a coincidence. Why would he just send you the number 22?"</p>
<p>"I don't normally believe in that shit. I have no idea. It just weirded me out."</p>
<p>"I can understand why." Harry reassured.</p>
<p>Louis was preoccupied all through their meal at the steakhouse. Harry knew Louis was obsessing over the text. If he was being honest, it really freaked Harry out aswell.</p>
<p>Re-entering the bright lights of the casino after dinner did nothing to lighten Louis's mood. At one point Harry had gone to get them a couple of drinks. When he returned to where Louis was sitting, Harry's heart felt like it fell to his stomach. Louis was wiping tears from his eyes. It shocked Harry to see his hardened stepbrother crying out in the open. </p>
<p>It was proof that we can't always choose the moment the reality of a loss hits us. Sometimes, it's predictable, and other times, it happens in the place you'd least expect. Louis hadn't cried at the wake or the burial but had chosen this moment her in this crowded casino to let go.</p>
<p>"Don't look at me Harry."</p>
<p>Ignoring Louis's plea for privacy, Harry put the drinks down and slid his seat closer to Louis. Harry pulled Louis towards him and held Louis into his chest. Louis didn't resist. The moisture from Louis's tears were seeping through to Harry's shirt. Louis's fingernails dug into Harry's back as if Louis was holding onto Harry for dear life. The harder Louis cried, the more Harry wanted to comfort him and the tighter Harry held onto him. </p>
<p>Noone seemed to notice them in their corner of the room, although it wouldn't have mattered to Harry if they had. Louis's shaking seemed to calm down, and eventually he was just breathing onto Harry chest.</p>
<p>"I hate this," Louis said. "I shouldn't be crying for him. Why am I crying for him?"</p>
<p>"Because you loved him."</p>
<p>Louis voice was trembling again. "He hated me."</p>
<p>"He hated whatever he saw in you that reminded him of himself. He didn't hate you. He couldn't have. He just didn't know how to be a father."</p>
<p>"There's a lot I haven't told you. The screwed up thing is, after all the shit we went through, I still wanted to make him proud of me someday, wanted him to love me."</p>
<p>"I know you did."</p>
<p>Louis continued to lean on Harry. At one point Louis looked up, and his blue eyes were laced with red. "Where would I be tonight without you?"</p>
<p>"I'm glad I got to be the one with you tonight."</p>
<p>"I've never cried in front of anyone before. Not once."</p>
<p>"There's a first time for everything."</p>
<p>"There's a bad joke in there somewhere. You know that, right?"</p>
<p>They both laughed. Harry imagined how good it must have felt for Louis to laugh. For Harry, laughter never felt better than when it followed a good cry.</p>
<p>"You make me feel things, Harry. You always have. When I'm around you, whether it's good or bad. . . I feel everything. Sometimes, I don't handle it too well, and I fight it by acting like an asshole. I don't know what it is about you, but I feel you see the real me. The second I saw you again for the first time at Greg's when you were standing in the garden. . . it was like I couldn't hide behind myself anymore." Louis rubbed Harry's cheek with his thumb. "I know it was hard for you to see me with Eleanor. I know you still care about me. I can feel it even when you're pretending you've stopped."</p>
<p>"This has been hard, but it was worth it to be able to see you again."</p>
<p>"I don't want to cry anymore tonight."</p>
<p>"I don't want you to cry anymore, either. But if you feel like you have to, don't be afraid to. It's good to let it out."</p>
<p>Louis was staring at Harry's lips and Harry was staring at his. The past few minutes had weakened Harry. He wanted to kiss Louis. Harry knew he couldn't, but the need to was so intense he had to get up from his seat.</p>
<p>Harry was feeling like he was going to burst—both physically and emotionally. They were sitting diagonally across from the roulette wheel. It was the only non-slot game Harry understood how to play. Harry needed to take his impulsivity out on something and had an idea.</p>
<p>When your gambling with your heart, taking a chance with money seems like nothing. Harry headed for the roullette table and threw a bunch of cash notes from his stash down on one number. </p>
<p>"Straight up," Harry said.</p>
<p>The casino worker looked at Harry like he was crazy.</p>
<p>Louis had come up behind Harry. "What are you doing?"</p>
<p>Louis hadn't seen which bet was Harry's. Harry felt his heart beating faster with every turn of the wheel, and everything thereafter seemed to happen in slow motion.</p>
<p>Louis's hands were on Harry's shoulders as their eyes stayed glued to the wheel.<br/>The wheel stopped.<br/>The workers eyes bugged out if his head.<br/>Someone handed harry a drink that wasn't his own.<br/>More alcohol spilled on him.<br/>People were clapping, cheering, whistling.</p>
<p>"22 is the winner!"</p>
<p>"That's me. I won!"</p>
<p>Louis lifted Harry up in the air, spinning them both around. When Louis put him down, he looked at Harry in shock. "You bet 22? You fucking bet it all on 22! Do you have any idea how much money you just won?"</p>
<p>Harry turned to the man behind behind the table. "How much did I win?"</p>
<p>"19 thousand pounds."</p>
<p>"Holy shit Harry." Louis took Harry's face in his hands, shook his cheeks and repeated, "Holy shit." It seemed like Louis was going to give Harry s celebratory kiss, but he stopped short.</p>
<p>Harry had just won a shitload of money but that didn't seem to matter as much as getting to share this moment with Louis. Nothing beat the feeling of Louis's hands cupping his face, of seeing Louis's eyes smiling back at his own, of being able to turn Louis's misery towards the number 22 into something positive. If this money could have bought more time with Louis, Harry would have given every penny of it away.</p>
<p>Louis and Harry walked over to the cashier's booth in a daze. While Harry went to collect the money, Louis stood back a ways talking to a few people who were at the table when Harry won. </p>
<p>Harry opted to take a check for the majority but asked for one thousand in cash. They'd also given Harry a complimentary room key for the casino hotel. That caught him off guard, and he wasn't sure if he should even mention it to Louis.</p>
<p>By the time Harry walked back over to him, Louis was standing alone with a huge smile on his face. Harry handed him the twenty crisp fifty pound notes. "I want you to have this."</p>
<p>Louis's smile faded, and he tried to hand the cash back to Harry. "I'm not taking any money from you."</p>
<p>"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have even played 22. I chose it for you."</p>
<p>"No way." Louis shoved it in Harry's face. "Take it."</p>
<p>Harry wouldn't budge. "That's only a fraction of the winnings. I have a check for all the rest. I'm gonna put it in the bank to help my mum out. If you don't take it, I'll just bet it all."</p>
<p>"Don't do that. There's no way you'd get lucky a third time tonight."</p>
<p>Harry crossed his arms. "I'm not taking it back. So, either you take it, or I'm gamble with it."</p>
<p>Louis sighed. "I'll tell you what. I'll take the money, but we're spending it together tonight. We'll have the time of our lives with it."</p>
<p>"Okay." Harry's mouth spread into a smile. "I can live with that."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis glanced at the card Harry was holding. "What's that?"</p>
<p>"Oh, uh. . . they gave me a complimentary room key. I guess they want me to stick around for a while and dump all my winnings back in the casino. I'm not gonna use it. We're heading back to Manchester later, right?"</p>
<p>"Neither of us are really in any condition to drive tonight."</p>
<p>"You want to stay overnight? We can't sleep in the same room."</p>
<p>"I wasn't suggesting that, Harry. I'll get my own room."</p>
<p>Harry felt stupid for a moment for even assuming he would in the first place.</p>
<p>"Right. Okay. If you think that's a good idea, we can stay."</p>
<p>"The truth is, I'm not ready for this night to end. I don't want to face reality again until I absolutely have to. My flight isn't until tomorrow night. If we leave in the morning, we'll have plenty of time."</p>
<p>Harry rubbed Louis's arm. "Okay." Harry follow him out of the game room. "Where are we going first?"</p>
<p>"To buy you a new outfit. I get to pick it out. We're going clubbing later. You can't wear that."</p>
<p>"Clubbing?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. They have a nightclub downstairs."</p>
<p>"Should I be worried? Exactly what do you consider clubbing attire?"</p>
<p>Louis looked at Harry's outfit. "Something that doesn't make you look like your going to a funeral. Plus, you still smell like a bucket of booze.</p>
<p>"Thanks." Harry deadpanned.</p>
<p>"Let's go spend some money."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zippers. . . Dancing. . . The truth. . .</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"How about this one?" Harry lifted a black shirt with pink flamingos off the rack.</p><p>"That's more of a vacation shirt."</p><p>Harry chose another one. "This?"</p><p>Louis shook his head. "No."</p><p>Louis picked up a black shirt with roses on the front and shoulders and draped it over the tattoos on his arm as he showed it to Harry. "This is it. And it will go great with those trousers I pointed out to you."</p><p>"Louis this is see through."</p><p>Louis ignored Harry's comment and shoved him over to the changing room. </p><p>In the dressing room Harry tried on the tight fit jeans. They were skin tight and sparkled slightly when the light hit them right. He loved the way they hugged his ass and accentuated his front area nicely. Harry tried on two other shirts before deciding that the one Louis picked had actually been the better choice and fitted Harry like it had been made for him. </p><p>Harry took the shirt off and put it back on the hanger ready to take it to pay. When he went to take the trousers off though he couldn't, the zipper was stuck and caught in fabric. Harry started to sweat because he couldn't dislodge the trapped zip and they were too tight to remove without pulling the zip down. </p><p>"You alright in there?" Louis asked. </p><p>"Uh. . . Can you see if there's a sales person that can help me?"</p><p>"What's the problem?"</p><p>"I can't get the jeans off."</p><p>"Well, you did finish off my steak and yours at dinner. . ."</p><p>"Oh haha the zippers stuck asshole."</p><p>Louis laughed. "I can help you."</p><p>"No!! I'd just be more comfortable if-"</p><p>The curtain slid open suddenly, and Louis stepped inside. "Come here."</p><p>The warmth of Louis's body was tangible in the small confines of the space. Louis sucked in a breath as he  looked Harry up and down taken in the tattoos that had been hidden under Harry's clothes. "I didn't know you had tattoos." Harry stayed quiet as Louis moved closer examining Harry's inked chest and torso. Louis went to reach to touch the butterfly tattoo but stopped himself short and took a deep breath. He looked down to where the zipper was caught and surprised Harry by dropping to his knees. Harry's breathing picked up at the sight and willed himself not to get hard. The image in Harry's head of Louis ripping the trousers open and taking Harry's hard cock in his mouth wasn't helping. </p><p>"You weren't kidding," Louis said as he fiddled with it. After the longest minute of Harry's life, he heard Louis say, "got it."</p><p>"Thank you." Harry said looking down at Louis.</p><p>Louis slowly lowered the zip a few inches then stopped. "All set." But his hands lingered on Harry's waist. Louis slowly rose and stood in front of him. Harry followed Louis's movement as he stood. Their faces were close and Louis's eyes dropped to Harry's mouth and stayed there. This time Louis didn't try to hide the fact that he seemed mesmerized by Harry's lips.</p><p>Louis closed his eyes briefly as if to fend off the urge to kiss Harry. It troubled Harry that if Louis tried, he knew without a doubt that he couldn't have resisted. Harry would have kissed Louis with everything in him. That lack of self-control scared Harry. </p><p>It was impossible to see anything beyond Louis at that moment, not Eleanor, not the consequences. The memory of Louis mouth all over Harry, of him deep inside his body was overwhelming him. Harry's mind could be talked down, but his body knew better. It knew what it had within its grasp, the one thing it craved everyday for the past seven years. No one had ever been able to measure up or replace Louis. Louis had wrecked him.</p><p>He may have been Eleanor's now, but Harry's body still believed that it belonged to Louis whether he knew it or not, whether that was right or wrong.<br/>
Louis was hers.<br/>
Harry was Louis's.<br/>
It.Was.Fucked.Up.</p><p>The store assistant came by. "Is everything okay in there?"</p><p>"Yes!" Harry shouted.</p><p>No. No, it's not.</p><p>  ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p><p> </p><p>Nothing had happened.<br/>
Louis exited the dressing room as soon as the attendant interrupted their moment. They ended up picking out Louis some clothes aswell for him to wear that night.</p><p>They then went to the hotel lobby to book Louis's room. He insisted on paying for that with his credit card instead of the money Harry had given him.</p><p>They each retreated to their separate rooms to shower and had planned to meet in half an hour to head to the Royale night club.</p><p>As the water poured down on harry, it felt good to wash the alcohol and perspiration off his body. Even though this seemed like the longest day of his life, the thought of it coming to an end terrified him.</p><p>Needless to say, Harry's shower was of the coldest variety. Despite the temperature, the need to relieve the tension that had been building between Harry's legs all day was overwhelming. Harry leaned back against the cold tiles of the shower and gripped his hard aching cock, pumping it slowly with thoughts of Louis in his mind. . .</p><p>Louis's mouth around his cock, sucking Harry deep until his cock hit the back of Louis throat. . .</p><p>Louis's cock down Harry's throat, throbbing and desperate to cum. . .</p><p>The feel of Louis deep inside of Harry fucking him slowly with his hand around Harry's neck. . .</p><p>Louis eyes glued to Harry's while he came deep inside of him. . .</p><p>Harry climaxed almost violently. His legs shook as he tried to keep himself up when he heard the door knock </p><p>Shit! Either Harry lost track of time or Louis was early. "Just a minute!"</p><p>Harry wiped down as fast as he could. He slipped the tight jeans on and the see through shirt, quickly brushing through his wet curly hair and opened the door.</p><p>"Wow." After a long pause, Louis added, "You definitely don't look like your going to a funeral anymore."</p><p>"What do I look like now?"</p><p>"You look flushed actually. Are you feeling alright?"</p><p>Having to face the person you'd been wanking to in your head just seconds earlier was not something Harry could say had ever happened to him before.</p><p>"I'm fine."</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>Harry pursed his lips trying not to look guilty. "Yep."</p><p>Louis was dressed to kill in dark jeans and a fitted navy shirt he'd bought from the shop. The more casual look transformed him back into the Louis Harry remembered. His hair was still damp and swept across his eyes almost accentuating them and his glasses.<br/>
Those fucking glasses.</p><p>"It felt good to take a shower." Louis said.</p><p>"I know what you mean."<br/>
Mine felt particularly good, thought Harry.</p><p>"Do you need to dry your hair?"</p><p>"Yeah actually, just give me a second."</p><p>"The long hair suits you. . . it accentuates your neck." Louis blushed after he said it.</p><p>Harry felt himself blush aswell and had to look away from Louis. "Thank you." Harry replied quietly.</p><p> </p><p>Harry went to the bathroom and ran the hair dryer through it as swiftly as he could. When Harry re-entered the room, Louis had turned on the music channels and was lying flat in the bed with his hands resting behind his head. His shirt had ridden up, teasing Harry with a glimpse is smooth, tanned skin. It became clear to Harry that pleasuring herself in the shower had done nothing to resolve his "issues". The sooner they could get out if this room, the better. </p><p>"I'm ready."</p><p>Louis hopped up and turned the TV off. Harry followed him out as the door clicked behind them.</p><p>"You clean up nice," Louis said as they entered the elevator. "I'm glad you didn't cut your curls off, they were the first thing I noticed about you when we first met."</p><p>"Really?" A feeling of nostalgia came over Harry when he thought about waiting for Louis at the window that first night. He had no idea what kind of adventure he was in for with Louis.</p><p>Louis nodded. "Your were so innocent at first. You were just trying to be nice to me, and I was such a prick."</p><p>"You were. But I grew to like that about you."</p><p>"When I wasn't making you cry?"</p><p>"That was one time and I had my moments of taking you too seriously, but overall,your jabs were fun. I don't look back on any of it negatively."</p><p>"You were a little bit of a masochists. That sort of screwed up my evil plan pretty early on."</p><p>"Well, you weren't exactly as mean as you wanted me to believe you were."</p><p>"And it turned out you weren't that innocent."</p><p>Their sexual tension filled trip down memory lane came to an end as soon as they arrived at the line into Royale's. They entered the confines of the dark nightclub, and Louis disappeared into the flashing strobe lights to fetch them some drinks.</p><p>The bass of the music vibrated through Harry as he rocked back and forth trying to get into the mood while he waited.</p><p>When Louis arrived with two beers, Harry couldn't take the first sip fast enough. They stood on the second level, looking down that the swarms of people on the dance floor as they sipped their drinks. Alcohol was going to be Harry's best friend tonight. He didn't want to get totally sloshed but hoped that it would help him forget about tomorrow.</p><p>A good buzz was starting to develop just as Harry felt Louis's firm grip on his wrist. "Come on." Louis fingertips grazed the small of Harry's back as he led him down the stairs.</p><p>Harry should have expected that Louis might drag him on the dancefloor. What Harry absolutely couldn't have predicted was how phenomenal of a dancer he was. The eyes of several of the women in the club followed Louis's every move as Harry discovered for the first time that his stepbrother could dance his ass off.<br/>
Who knew?</p><p>Although, should it really have surprised Harry that someone who could fuck like Louis could also move his body just as well in other ways? Harry felt for those woman. They all had one thing in common with Harry. They all wanted a piece of Louis, and none of them would be getting any.</p><p>Seriously. Louis's movements were like those of a stripper, but this was even more of a tease because he knew Louis wouldn't be taking his clothes off. </p><p>It was truly like an erotic show: the way Louis moved his hips, the was his ass swayed to the music, the way his tongue glided slowly along his lip as he got lost in the rhythm.</p><p>Imagine watching Magic Mike, and the DVD gets stuck in repeat right before the first strip tease scene starts. That was watching Louis dance.</p><p>Harry moved his body to the music alongside him, but Louis never touched Harry while they were dancing together.</p><p>At one point, Louis's hot breath tickled Harry's ear as he leaned into him. "I'm going to the bathroom. Stay here where I can locate you."</p><p> </p><p>After Louis left, a man wearing a pink shirt, who had been watching Harry by the bar started to dance with him. The guy began to speak loudly through the music as he asked Harry questions to which Harry gave him one-word answers.</p><p>A few minutes later, Harry felt an arm wrap around his waist from behind. The addicting smell of Louis's skin identified him right away, so Harry didn't resist when Louis pulled him back. After Harry turned around to face him, Louis's eyes peered into Harry's with a warning look. He couldn't say anything about Harry dancing with other men because that would have been inappropriate given Louis's own situation. Yet, Louis knew he could get away with it because of the tunnel vision effect he had on Harry.</p><p>A flashback of Louis's texts to him the night of his date with Corey all those years ago came to mind.<br/>
"You don't even like him."<br/>
"How would you know that?"<br/>
"Because you like me "</p><p>Once Louis got Harry far enough away from the guy, he let go of him. They were back to dancing to the fast paced music and after another round of drinks, it became even easier to get lost in the mood. Even though they weren't touching, Louis's eyes were fixed on Harry's a lot. The room was starting to sway a little, and that was an indicator that perhaps it was time to stop drinking.</p><p>Suddenly, the music changed to the first slow song of the night. An alarm went off in Harry's mind. This couldn't happen. Harry nudged his head for Louis to follow him off the dance floor. Harry started walking off and felt Louis's hand on his own. Harry stopped and turned to Louis.</p><p>Still holding Harry's hand, Louis mouthed, "Dance with me."</p><p>Even though Harry knew this was going to be the moment that completely undid him, Harry nodded his head and reluctantly let Louis pull Harry into him. Louis let out a deep breath the moment Harry landed in the warmth of his arms.</p><p>Closing his eyes, Harry rested his head on Louis's shoulder and conceded to the pain that had been building inside himself since the first moment he saw Louis with Eleanor. With each sway to the music, another of Harry's old wounds would burst open, destroying all of the self-protective mechanisms he'd tried to implement over these past couple of years.</p><p>If Harry hadn't moved from his position, he might have been able to get through the song. Harry's cheek slowly slid away from Louis's shoulder. As Harry lifted his head to look at him, Louis lowered his head slowly to Harry's at almost the exact same time as if he'd been waiting for Harry to look at him.</p><p>The desire in Louis's eyes was blatant. Harry breathed in to catch each heavy breath that escaped Louis's lips. If Harry couldn't kiss him, he wanted to at least taste every breath.</p><p>Then, Louis touched his forehead to Harry's. It was a simple and seemingly innocent gesture, but couple that moment with the climatic part of the song, and that was it for Harry.</p><p>To save himself from falling further into this, Harry intentionally replayed Louis's words to Eleanor in his head. "I love you too."</p><p>This.Was.Harry's.Breaking.Point.</p><p>Harry ripped himself away from Louis and ran off of the dancefloor.</p><p>Harry could hear Louis calling after him. "Harry, wait!"</p><p>Tears were pouring down Harry's face as he weaved through the heat of the club, bumping into sweaty drunk people as he tried to find the exit. Someone's drink spilled on Harry in the process. He didn't care. He just needed to get out of there. Louis list him through the crowd. </p><p>Having escaped the darkness of the club, the lights of the casino lobby were a welcome contrast. Harry ran to the elevators and pressed the up button, hoping to get to his room as fast as possible. The doors started to close right before Harry saw a tattooed arm slide inside, prompting them to open.</p><p>Louis breathing was erratic. The doors closed.</p><p>"What the fuck Harry? Why did you run from me like that?"</p><p>"I just need to go back to my room."</p><p>"Not like this."</p><p>Louis pressed the stop button, causing the elevator to come to a jolting halt. </p><p>"What are you doing?"</p><p>"This isn't how I wanted our night to end. I crossed a line. I know that. I got lost in the moment with you, and I'm so fucking sorry. But it wasn't going to go any further because I won't cheat on Eleanor. I couldn't do that to her "</p><p>"I'm not as strong as you are, then. You can't dance with me like that, look at me like that, touch me like that if we can't do anything about it. And for the record, I wouldn't want you to cheat on her!"</p><p>"What do you want?" Louis asked.</p><p>"I don't want you to say one thing and act in a different way that contradicts it. We don't have much time left together. I want you to talk to me. That night at the wake. . . you wrapped your hand around my neck. It felt like for a moment you were back in that place where we left off. That's sort of how I feel around you all of the time. Then, later that night, Eleanor told me what happened after you got home."</p><p>Louis squinted. "Exactly what did she tell you?"</p><p>"Were you thinking about me? Is that why you couldn't perform that night?"</p><p>Understandably, Louis looked shocked that Harry knew. Harry still didn't understand why Eleanor shared that with him. Harry regretted saying anything, but it was too late.</p><p>Louis stayed silent, glaring at Harry, but he looked like he wanted to say something.</p><p>"I want you to tell me the truth," Harry said.</p><p>The look on Louis's face turned angry, like he'd lost some battle of self-control within himself. </p><p> </p><p>"You want the truth? I was fucking my girlfriend and couldn't see anything but you. That's the truth." Louis took a few steps towards Harry, and Harry stepped backwards as Louis continued, "I got into the shower that night, and the only way I could finish the job was to imagine cumming all over your beautiful neck. That's the truth."</p><p>Harry leaned against the elevator wall as Louis locked his arms in each side of Harry and continued, "You want more? I was going to ask her to marry me tonight at her sister's wedding. I was supposed to be engaged right at this very moment, but instead, I'm in an elevator fighting the urge to back you up against the wall and fuck you so hard that I'll have to carry you back to your room."</p><p>Harry's heart was beating out of control, and it was unclear which part of what Louis had just said shocked him more. </p><p>Louis dropped his arms and lowered his voice. "Everything I thought I knew has been turned upside down in the past forty-eight hours. I'm questioning everything, and I don't fucking know what to do. That's. The. Truth."</p><p>Louis released the stop button, and the elevator continued rising up to their floor, the 22nd floor.</p><p>He was going to ask her to marry him, thought Harry.</p><p>It was still sinking in. What a rude awakening as to exactly how far out of Harry's league he'd been all of this time. The elevator doors slid open, and as they walked down the hall, Harry simple said, "I don't want to talk anymore. I need to be alone."</p><p>Louis didn't protest as Harry retreated to his room without saying anything further. It saddened Harry that their night had been cut short, but it finally became crystal clear that any more time spent with Louis would be dangerous. Louis was leaving in a plane tomorrow, and there simply wasn't enough time to resolve all of these feelings.</p><p>Since Harry hadn't bought any pajamas, he wrapped himself in a sheet and lay down. Devastated from the proposal bombshell Louis had dropped and still painfully aroused by what Louis said to him after, Harry knew that sleep was not in his future tonight.</p><p>A half-hour passed. It felt like déjà vu as the red digital numbers of the alarm clock taunted Harry. </p><p> </p><p>Harry's text alert sounded at 2 A.M</p><p>**Louis: If I knock on your door tonight, don't let me in.**</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Extra snickers?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis was trying to do the right thing, and Harry respected the hell out of him for it. As powerful as temptation could be, Harry meant it when he told Louis that he would never want Louis to cheat on her. At the same time, if Harry hadn't gone to his room, he's not sure that they could have avoided something happening. Tonight proved that whatever connection existed in the past between them was very much still alive and powerful. That was why it was best that they spent the rest of the night apart.</p>
<p>Harry was tossing and turning, still conflicted about leaving Louis alone. Even though what happened in the elevator had tainted the rest of the night, Harry needed to remind himself how this day started; Louis was still mourning his father. Louis really shouldn't have been by himself tonight. Not to mention, they were wasting precious time because once he returned to California, Harry will probably never see or hear from Louis again.</p>
<p>He was going to marry her.</p>
<p>Rustling in his sheets, Harry couldn't take it any more. The fact that the room was freezing didn't help. Harry got up to shut off the air conditioner and grabbed his phone before returning to bed.</p>
<p>**Harry: Are you awake?**</p>
<p>**Louis: I was just about to order this amazing juicer. If I order right now, they'll even throw in a bonus mini chopper for 19.99.**</p>
<p>**Harry: Can we talk? On the phone?**</p>
<p>Not even three seconds went by before Harry's phone rang.</p>
<p>"Hi."</p>
<p>Louis whispered. "Hi."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," they both said in unison.</p>
<p>"Jinx," Louis said.</p>
<p>"You go first," Harry said. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry for what I said to you in the elevator. I lost control."</p>
<p>"You were being honest."</p>
<p>"That doesn't make it right. I'm sorry for the way it came out. You bring out the worst in me."</p>
<p>"I'm touched."</p>
<p>"Fuck. That came out wrong."</p>
<p>Harry laughed. "I think I know what to you're trying to say."</p>
<p>"Thank God you could always read between the lines with me."</p>
<p>"How about we not rehash anything that was said in the elevator. I just want to talk."</p>
<p>Harry could hear Louis moving around in the bed. He was probably gearing up for whatever conversation they were about to have.</p>
<p>Louis let out a deep breath into the phone. "Okay. What do you want to talk about?"</p>
<p>"I have some questions. I don't know if this is my last opportunity to ask them."</p>
<p>"Alright."</p>
<p>"Did you stop writing?"</p>
<p>"No. I didn't."</p>
<p>"How come you didn't tell Eleanor that you write?"</p>
<p>"Because from the time that I met her, I've only been working on one project, and it's not one I really feel like I can share with her."</p>
<p>"What it is?"</p>
<p>"It's autobiographical."</p>
<p>"You've been writing your life story?" Harry asked, surprised.</p>
<p>"Yeah." Louis sighed. "Yeah, I have."</p>
<p>"Does anyone know?"</p>
<p>"No. Just you."</p>
<p>"Is it therapeutic?"</p>
<p>"Sometimes. Other times, it's hard to relive certain things that happened, but it just felt like I needed to do it."</p>
<p>"If she doesn't know about it, when do you write?"</p>
<p>"Late at night when she's asleep."</p>
<p>"Are you gonna tell her?"</p>
<p>"I don't know. There are things in there that would upset her."</p>
<p>"Like what do you—"</p>
<p>"My turn to ask a question," Louis interrupted.</p>
<p>"Okay."</p>
<p>"What happened with the guy you were engaged to?"</p>
<p>"How did you know I was engaged anyway?"</p>
<p>"Answer me first."</p>
<p>"His name was Tim. We lived together for a little while in London. He was a good person, and I wanted to love him, but I didn't. The fact that I wouldn't consider moving to Europe for him when his job transferred him there proved that. Really, there's not much more to it than that. Now, will you tell me how you knew?"</p>
<p>"Mark told me."</p>
<p>"I thought you were estranged."</p>
<p>"We still spoke from time to time. I asked him about you once, and he gave me the news. I assumed that meant you were happy."</p>
<p>"I wasn't."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry to hear that."</p>
<p>"Did you have other girlfriends or boyfriends besides Eleanor?"</p>
<p>"Eleanor's my first serious relationship. I did screw around a lot before that."</p>
<p>"I see."</p>
<p>"I didn't mean. . . you. You weren't part of the screwing around. What happened with us was different. Your the only guy I've been with."</p>
<p>"I know what you meant." After a block of silence, Harry said. "I want you to be happy, Louis. If she makes you happy, I'm happy for you. You told me she was the best thing that ever happened to you. That's great."</p>
<p>"I didn't say that," Louis said  curtly.</p>
<p>"Yes, you did."</p>
<p>"I said she was one of the best things. So we're you. Just in another time."</p>
<p>Another time—a time that's passed.</p>
<p>"Thank you." Harry said.</p>
<p>"Don't thank me. I took your fucking virginity and left. I don't deserve a thanks."</p>
<p>"You did what you felt you had to do."</p>
<p>"It was wrong. It was selfish."</p>
<p>"I still wouldn't change anything about that night if that makes you feel any better."</p>
<p>Louis let out a deep sigh. "You seriously mean that?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"I don't regret one thing that happened that night either, only what happened after."</p>
<p>Harry closed his eyes. They were both silent for a long time. The day seemed to have finally caught up with the both of them physically.</p>
<p>"You still there?" Harry asked.</p>
<p>"I'm still here."</p>
<p>Harry let those words sink in, knowing that tomorrow Louis wouldn't be. Harry needed to get at least a couple of hours of sleep before the two hour drive back to Manchester in the morning.</p>
<p>I need to let him go, Harry thought.<br/>Let him go.</p>
<p>"I'm going to try to get some sleep," Harry said.</p>
<p>"Stay on the phone with me Harry. Close your eyes. Try to sleep. Just stay in the phone."</p>
<p>Harry pulled the comforter over himself. "Louis?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. . ."</p>
<p>"You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope someday I can say you were 'one' of the best, but for now, it's only you." </p>
<p>Harry closed his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>   ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis met Harry at the hotel registration desk where they both checked out. They had each showered but were wearing the same clothes they'd worn to the club the night before. The scruff on Louis's chin appeared to have grown overnight and even though his eyes were weary, he still looked painfully hot in his club attire at 10 in the morning in Harry's opinion.</p>
<p>Louis's words from last night rang out in Harry's head. 'I'm fighting the urge to back you up against the wall and fuck you so hard that I'll have to carry you back to your room.' </p>
<p>They stopped at the casinos Starbucks, and as they were waiting for their coffees, Harry could feel Louis staring at him. Harry had been intentionally trying not to look at him because he was sure Louis would be able to see the sadness in Harry's eyes.</p>
<p>They ended up taking their breakfast on the road. The ride home was eerily quiet. It was like the calm after the storm. The whirlwind of the previous day had given way to a numb and helpless feeling this morning.</p>
<p>Light rock played on the radio station as Harry kept his eyes on the road. What felt like the weight of a million unsaid words loomed over them as they remained silent.</p>
<p>Louis said one thing the entire ride. "Will you drive me to the airport?"</p>
<p>"Sure?" Harry said without looking at him.</p>
<p>Clara was originally going to drive Louis, and Harry wasn't sure how he felt about the change of plans, which would prolong the agony.</p>
<p>They pulled into Greg and Clara's. Louis ran in to gather his belongings while Harry waited in the car. Since they had a little extra time, the plan was to go to Harry's mother's house and check on her before they headed to the airport.</p>
<p>Louis left his phone on the seat and a text came through. The screen was lit, and Harry couldn't help peeking down. It was from Eleanor.</p>
<p>**Eleanor: I'm going to wait up. I can't wait until you're home. Have a safe flight. Love you.**</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry regretted looking at it because it solidified that this was really the end. Before he could wollow in self-pity, Louis approached carrying a large black travel bag. He got in, looked at his phone and sent a quick text as Harry put the car in reverse and backed out if the driveway.</p>
<p>Anne was gone when they got to the house. When Harry texted her, she said she'd gone for a walk. It certainly wasn't Harry's intention to find himself alone with Louis in the house that held all their memories together.</p>
<p>Louis leaned against the counter. "Hey you got any of your ice-cream lying around? I've been jonesing it for seven years."</p>
<p>I've been jonesing YOU for seven years, Harry thought.</p>
<p>"You might just be in luck," Harry said, opening the freezer.</p>
<p>Ironically, thinking he was going to need it, Harry made a batch with his old ice-cream maker the night before the funeral and put it in the freezer. Of course, Harry never came home to have it.</p>
<p>Harry scooped it out into one bowl and took two spoons out of the drawer. They always shared the bowl and for old times sake, Harry kept to that tradition.</p>
<p>"You put extra snickers in it."</p>
<p>Harry smiled. "I did."</p>
<p>Louis closed his eyes and moaned upon taking the first bite. "There's nothing better than your fucking ass cream. I've missed it."</p>
<p>Harry had missed this.</p>
<p>Being in this kitchen and sharing the ice-cream with Louis made it really feel like yesturday more than any other moment up until now. Harry wished they could go back to that time for just one more day. Louis would be upstairs and not heading home to her. They'd play their video game. It was so simple then.</p>
<p>Then, memories of the night Louis made love to Harry started to flash through his mind at a tremendous pace. Not so simple. Louis's leaving was starting to hit Harry all of a sudden. The silence wasn't working for Harry anymore, and he tried to make light conversation to mask his melancholy.</p>
<p>"What did Greg and Clara have to say?"</p>
<p>"They were asking where we went. I told them."</p>
<p>"Do they think it was bizarre?"</p>
<p>"I could tell Greg was a little concerned."</p>
<p>"Why would he be concerned?"</p>
<p>Louis pulled the spoon slowly from his mouth and looked down in hesitation. "He knows."</p>
<p>"Knows what?"</p>
<p>"About us."</p>
<p>Harry put his spoon down and wiped the corner of his mouth. "How?"</p>
<p>"I confided in him a few years back. I knew he wouldn't tell Mark."</p>
<p>"Why would you tell him?"</p>
<p>"Because I felt like I needed to talk about it. I didn't have anyone else I could trust."</p>
<p>"It's just. . . you told me not to tell anyone, and I didn't for a long time until I finally told Ella years later."</p>
<p>"Greg is the only person I told."</p>
<p>"I just didn't think—"</p>
<p>Louis's raised the tone in his voice. "You don't think what happened between us affected me in the same way it affected you. I know. Because I led you to believe that."</p>
<p>"I guess it doesn't matter anymore," Harry said under his breath so low that he didn't think Louis heard him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis scowled as he took the empty bowl to the sink, washed it and put it in the strainer.</p>
<p>Louis looked back at Harry. "You'll always matter to me, Harry. Always."</p>
<p>Harry just nodded, refusing to shed a tear but feeling completely broken inside. This was different from the last time they said goodbye. Back then, even though Harry was an emotional wreck, he was young and suspected that his feelings might have been infatuation and that he would grow out of it.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, this time with the advantage of experience and hindsight, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was hopelessly in love with Louis.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Saying goodbye and introducing Sully</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The drive to Manchester airport seemed like it only took a few minutes. A pink hue lit up the sky, appropriate symbolism for sending Louis off into the sunset. Unprepared for how to say goodbye, Harry opted not to say anything at all during the ride, and neither did Louis.</p>
<p>As they exited the car at the curb just outside the entrance to his terminal, the wind was powerful amidst the deafening sound of jets taking off.</p>
<p>Clutching his own arm protectively, Harry stood across from Louis. Harry didn't know what to say or do and couldn't even look Louis in the eye. Now was not the time to completely freeze up, but that was exactly what was happening to Harry.</p>
<p>Harry looked up to the sky, down at the ground, over at the luggage handlers. . . anywhere but at Louis. Harry knew as soon as he looked into Louis's eyes, he would lose it.</p>
<p>Louis's tone was gruff. "Look at me."</p>
<p>Harry shook his head and refused as the first teardrop fell. Harry wiped his eye and continued to look away from him. Harry couldn't believe this was happening to him right now. </p>
<p>When Harry finally looked into Louis's eyes, Harry was shocked to see them watering, too. </p>
<p>"It's okay," Harry said. "Go. Please. Text me if you want. It's just. . . I can't do a long goodbye. . . not with you."</p>
<p>"Okay," Louis simply said.</p>
<p>Harry leaned in and gave Louis a quick kiss on the cheek before rushing back to the car and slamming the door. Louis reluctantly picked up his bag and walked away towards the entrance.</p>
<p>When Harry saw the automatic doors finally close behind Louis, he leaned his against the steering wheel. His shoulders shook as he let the tears he'd been struggling to hide fall freely. It was only a matter of time before someone will come to tell him to leave since this was a temporary drop off area. But Harry just couldn't seem to move.</p>
<p>Sure enough, someone knocked on Harry's window.</p>
<p>"I'm going. I'm going." Harry said without even looking up. As he was about to start the car, the person knocked again. </p>
<p>Harry looked to his right to find Louis standing there. Harry frantically wiped his tears and got out if the car, walking around to Louis. "Did you forget something?"</p>
<p>Louis dropped his bag and nodded yes. Louis startled Harry when he took Harry's face in his hands and kissed his lips tenderly. It felt like Harry was melting in Louis's arms. Harry's tongue instinctively tried to enter Louis's mouth, but Louis didn't open for him. Louis just kept his lips pressed hard against Harry's as he breathed erratically. This was a different kind of kiss, not one that leads to something, but a hard, painful one.<br/>
It was a goodbye kiss.</p>
<p>Harry pulled back. "Get out of here. You're gonna miss your flight."</p>
<p>Louis wouldn't take his hands off Harry's face. "I never got over hurting you the first time, but hurting you twice. . . believe me when I say this was the last thing I ever wanted to see happen in my lifetime."</p>
<p>"Why did you come back just now."</p>
<p>"I turned around and saw you crying. What kind of a heartless asshole would leave you like that?"</p>
<p>"Well, you weren't supposed to see that. You really should have kept walking because now you're making it worse."</p>
<p>"I didn't want that to be my last visual."</p>
<p>"If you really loved her, you shouldn't have kissed me." Harry hadn't meant to tell it.</p>
<p>"I do love her." Louis looked up at the sky then back at Harry with anguished eyes. "You want to know the truth? I fucking love you too. I don't think I realized how much until I saw you again."</p>
<p>Harry laughed angrily. "You love us both? That's messed up Louis."</p>
<p>"You've always told me you wanted honesty. I just gave it to you. I. Sorry if the truth is a fucked up mess."</p>
<p>"Well, she has the home court advantage. You'll forget about me again soon enough. That will simplify things." Harry walked back around to the drivers side. </p>
<p>"Harry. . . don't leave like this."</p>
<p>"I'm not the one leaving."</p>
<p>Harry closed the door, turned on the engine and drove away. He only looked in the rearview mirror once and saw Louis standing in the same spot. Maybe Harry's reaction was unfair, but if Louis was being honest with his feelings, then so was Harry.</p>
<p>All Harry could think about on the drive home was how life could be cruel. The "one that got away" was supposed to stay away, not come back and leave you all over again.</p>
<p>When he pulled into the driveway, Harry noticed an envelope on the passengers seat. It was the one thousand pounds cash Harry had given Louis. That meant any money they spent last night was Louis's. There was a note inside.</p>
<p>*I didn't want you to gamble it. I could never repay you for everything you've given me, let alone take money from you.*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>   ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two months after Louis returned to California, Harry was finally getting back to a regular routine in London. His mother had come to stay with him for the first month after Mark's death but decided that she wasn't happy living away from Manchester. With Greg and Clara looking out for her and Harry visiting every other weekend, she was adjusting as well as could be to her new normal.</p>
<p>Louis and Harry hadn't contacted eachother at all. It was a little bit of a let down for Harry to not receive a text, especially after how they left things, but Harry wasn't going to be the first to make contact. For all Harry knew, he might never hear from Louis again.</p>
<p>Thoughts of Louis still consumed Harry everyday. He'd wonder if Louis had asked Eleanor to marry him. He'd wonder whether Louis was thinking of him. He'd wonder what would have happened if Harry hadn't gone to his own room the last night they were together. So, even though Harry was back to his home base, his mind was constantly elsewhere.</p>
<p>Harry's life in London was pretty predictable. He worked long days at the office and got home around six each evening. If he didn't go out for drinks with his co-workers, he'd spend the weeknights reading until he fell asleep with his kindle on his face.</p>
<p>On Friday nights, his neighbour Sully and him would have dinner and drinks at Eden's, the pub underneath his flat. Sully was a petite, 70 year old Asian woman, well, Harry had assumed she was a woman until one night Harry accidently spotted her disproportionately massive bulge in a pair of tight spanx. Not that it mattered to harry, he has fallen in love with her as a person and it didn't matter what gender she was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sully was never married, had no kids and was extremely protective of Harry. Anytime a cute guy would walk into Eden's, Harry would turn to Sully and say jokingly, "What about him?"</p>
<p>The answer was always the same. "Not good enough for my Harry. . . but I'd do him." Then they would just have a good laugh.</p>
<p>Harry had always been hesitant to talk to Sully about Louis because he was seriously afraid she'd want to hunt him down and kick his ass. One particular Friday night, though, after one too many margaritas, Harry finally divulged the entire story from start to finish.</p>
<p>"Now I understand." Sully said.</p>
<p>"Understand what?"</p>
<p>"Why you're here with me every Friday night and not on a date with some man, why you've been unable to open your heart to anyone. It belongs to someone else."</p>
<p>"It used to. Now it's just broken. How do I fix it?"</p>
<p>"Sometimes, we can't."</p>
<p>Sully stared off, and Harry suspected she was speaking from experience </p>
<p>"The trick is to force yourself to open it even though it's broken. A broken heart is still a beating one. And there are many men who I'm sure would like an opportunity to try to fix yours if you let them." She continued. "I'll tell you one thing though."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"This. . . Lewis?"</p>
<p>"Louis." Harry corrected.</p>
<p>"Louis. He's lucky I won't set foot on a plane. I'd set his balls in fire."</p>
<p>"I knew you'd feel this way. That's why I was afraid to tell you."</p>
<p>"And I don't know who this Lenore is. . ."</p>
<p>"Eleanore. . ."</p>
<p>"Whatever. There's no was she's better than my Harry, more handsome or beautiful inside and out or with a bigger heart. He's a fool."</p>
<p>"Thank you."</p>
<p>"Someday, he'll realise he made a big mistake. He'll show up here, you'll be long gone, and the only bitch greeting him will be me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     +++++++++++++++++++++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That weekend, Harry felt better for the first time since Louis left. Even though it didn't really change anything, Sully's words of encouragement had helped bring Harry out if his funk a little.</p>
<p>On Sunday, Harry had spent the entire doing going through his wardrobe, sorting through clothes he wanted to donate and doing laundry. The weather was dry and warm and the windows in the flat stayed open all day.</p>
<p>After a long day of housework Harry grabbed a cold bottle of beer and sat in his private balcony and looked out at the street below him. There was a gentle summer breeze as the sun started to go down, it was a perfect evening.</p>
<p>Harry closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the neighborhood: traffic, people yelling, children playing in the small courtyard across from him. The smell of barbecuing meat trickled over to Harry from an adjacent balcony reminding him he hadn't eaten anything all day.</p>
<p>Harry told himself that he loved his independence, being able to do whatever he wanted, go wherever he wanted, eat whatever and whenever he wanted, but deep down, Harry longed to share his life with someone. Harry's thoughts always seemed to travel back to Louis no matter how hard he tried. </p>
<p>When his text alert sounded, he didn't immediately check it. He was sure it was Sully inviting him over to watch something on TV or his mother checking in.</p>
<p>Harry's heart started beating out of control when he saw Louis's name. He didn't have the courage to immediately read the text because no matter what, he knew it was going to disrupt the calm mood of this night. Harry didn't know why he was so scared. It wasn't like things with Louis could have gotten worse, unless of course Louis was contacting Harry to formally announce his engagement, which would have devastated Harry.</p>
<p>Harry breathed in, finished off his beer in one gulp then counted to ten before looking down at the message.</p>
<p>**Louis: I want you to read it.**</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The apple doesn't fall far.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One simple sentence, and any small progress Harry had made this weekend in trying to forget Louis went out the window. Harry's hand was shaking as he pondered a response.</p>
<p>Louis wants him to read the autobiography he was working on. Why now? Of all the things Louis could have said, this was the last thing Harry expected.</p>
<p>The thought of finding out everything he'd always wondered about was absolutely exciting and terrifying all at once—mostly terrifying. Even though Harry was certain there were parts that would upset him, he already knew what his reply would be. How could Harry have said no?</p>
<p>**Harry: I would love to read it.**</p>
<p>**Louis: I know this is out of left field, especially after how we left things.**</p>
<p>Louis's response has been immediate as if he was waiting for Harry's response.</p>
<p>**Harry: I certainly wasn't expecting this.**</p>
<p>**Louis: I don't trust anyone else to read it. I need it to be you.**</p>
<p>**Harry: How will you send it to me?**</p>
<p>**Louis: I can email it to you tonight **</p>
<p>Tonight? Harry knew then and there that he'd definitely be calling out of work tomorrow. There was no way he would be able to stop reading once he started. What was Harry getting himself into?</p>
<p>**Harry: Okay.**</p>
<p>**Louis: It's not finished, but it's pretty long.**</p>
<p>**Harry: I'll check my email in a bit for it.**</p>
<p>**Louis: Thank you.**</p>
<p>**Harry: Your welcome.**</p>
<p>Harry took a deep inhale of the night air, the smell of the neighbor's previous appetising barbecue now made Harry feel sick.</p>
<p>Harry climbed off the balcony and into his bedroom through the window. Opening his laptop, Harry anxiously typed in his email password too fast, having to try it several times before it went through correctly. </p>
<p>There in bold right at the top was a new email from Louis Tomlinson. The subject simply was "My Book". There was no message in the body of the email, just a word document attached. Harry immediately converted it to another format so that he could read it on his kindle.</p>
<p>Harry knew that this story was going to devastate him. There were going to be revelations that would explain Mark and Louis's behaviour towards eachother. </p>
<p>What Harry wasn't expecting was to be completely gutted by the very first sentence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>    *************************<br/>          Louis book<br/>    *************************</p>
<p>Prologue: The apple doesn't fall far.</p>
<p>I am my brother's bastard child.<br/>Confused yet?<br/>Imagine how I felt when that bomb was dropped on me. </p>
<p>From the time I was fourteen, though, that revelation has defined me.<br/>My miserable childhood would have made a hell of a lot more sense if I had become privy to that minor detail sooner. </p>
<p>The secret was never supposed to come out. The plan was to have me believe that the man who degraded me for as long as I could comprehend words was my father.</p>
<p>When he left my mother for another woman, mum would eventually have a nervous breakdown and spill the truth one night about how I actually came to be. Once she'd divulged all of the sickening details, I couldn't figure out who was worse: the man I always believed was my father or the sperm donor I never had a chance to meet.</p>
<p>The fucked up story of my life actually began 25 years ago in Ireland. That was where businessman Patrick Tomlinson spotted a beautiful teenage girl selling her artwork on the street. </p>
<p>Her name was Johannah Poulston. Patrick always had a penchant for art and beautiful women, so he was instantly mesmerized. With her beauty and extreme talent, she was unlike anyone he'd ever come across.</p>
<p>But she was young and he was leaving soon. That didn't stop him from getting what he wanted. Patrick had been tasked with overseeing a buisness take over. The only thing Patrick had been overseeing was Johannah.</p>
<p>He visited her street stall every morning and bought a painting each day until eventually, he'd purchased them all. Johannah's paintings were a main source of income for her large, impoverished family. All of the images depicted intricate stained-glass windows painted from memory.</p>
<p>Patrick become obsessed—more with the girl than the art. His trip was supposed to have only lasted three weeks, but he extended it to six.</p>
<p>Unbeknownst to Johannah, Patrick wasn't going home unless he could take her with him.</p>
<p>Even though she was under 18, he located her parents and began to court her with their approval. He'd given them money and purchased gifts for every member of the Poulston family.</p>
<p>He spoke to her father about the possibility of taking her to the U.S. with him where he could take her under his wing, put her through art school and help her build a real art career. The family was desperate for one of their own to have that kind of opportunity. They eventually agreed to let her go to America with Patrick.</p>
<p>Johannah was captivated and scared of the older man all at once. She felt an obligation to go along with him despite her trepidation. He was handsome, charismatic and controlling.</p>
<p>After moving Johannah to the states, Patrick kept his word. He married her when she turned 18 to facilitate her being able to stay in the U.S., enrolled her in art school and used his connections to get her work into some Bay area galleries. The one catch went without saying: Johannah was his. He owned her.</p>
<p>What she didn't realise was that Patrick had a family—an estranged ex-wife who'd just moved back into town with their son.</p>
<p>One afternoon, Johannah was painting in the room that Patrick built for that very purpose. A strapping young man wearing nothing but jeans who looked about her age appeared at the doorway. Johannah had no idea who he was, just that her body instantly reacted to him. He was a younger, more handsome version of her husband. She was shocked to find out that Patrick had a son and that he would be staying at the house for the summer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every afternoon while Patrick was at work, his son, Mark, would sit and watch Johannah paint. It started out as something innocent. She'd tell him stories about Ireland, he'd introduce her to the latest music and American pop culture—things Patrick couldn't relate to being 20 years their senior.</p>
<p>Soon, Johannah found herself completely smitten and in love for the first time in her life. Mark, who always felt that Patrick abandoned him, held no allegiance to his father. When Johannah admitted that her feelings for her husband were platonic, Mark didn't hesitate to take full advantage.</p>
<p>One day, he'd crossed the line and kissed her. From that point on, there was no going back. Their afternoon encounters went from innocent conversations to sordid rendezvous. Eventually, they'd started to talk about a secret future. The plan was to carry on their affair until Mark finished college and was no longer financially dependant on Patrick. Then, they'd both run off together.</p>
<p>In the meantime, Mark moved permanently into Patrick's house to be closer to her and pretend to have girlfriends to throw his father off. Mark and Johannah were always extremely careful until the one time they weren't and miscalculated Patrick's return date from a business trip to Costa Rica.</p>
<p>That was the day Patrick walked in on his young wife fucking his son in their bed. That was the moment that would set off the chain of events that led to my existence.</p>
<p>An enraged Patrick locked Johannah in a closet while he beat the shit out of Mark before kicking him out of the house. Patrick then allegedly raped my mother in the same bed he'd found her in with his son. By the time Mark broke through the window, it was too late.</p>
<p>Exactly what happened next is not completely clear because the details given to me have always been sketchy. The only thing I know with absolute certainty is that Patrick never left that bedroom alive.</p>
<p>Mum says he fell and accidentally hit the back of his head in the middle of a struggle with Mark. I suspect that Mark might have killed him, but she would never admit to that if it were true. I knew she'd protect Mark until the day she dies dispite his betrayal of their marriage.</p>
<p>The police never suspected anything and bought the story about Patrick falling and hitting his head.</p>
<p>Because he'd been living lavishly and had been putting Johannah and Mark through school, Patrick had no money to leave them. Mark dropped out of college and ditched his dreams to take odd jobs.</p>
<p>It was a really bad time for Johannah to find out she was pregnant. She knew it couldn't have been Mark's since they'd always been extremely careful with protection.</p>
<p>The baby was Patrick's.</p>
<p>Mark loved her and blamed himself for the situation they were in. He begged her to get an abortion, but she refused. He knew he could never grow to love the product of the night his father raped Johannah.</p>
<p>He was right. He couldn't, but he would raise me as his own anyway and would spend the rest of his life taking everything out on me.</p>
<p>That was how Mark became my father, and how I became my brother's bastard child.</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Back to Harry's p.o v</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was only the prologue, and already it felt like an earthquake had barreled through Harry's head. He couldn't believe what he just read.</p>
<p>Harry's mind and body were now in the midst of a war because while his heart needed a long rest before continuing on, his brain had an urgent need to turn the page. Once he'd started reading, the pages wouldn't stop turning all night long.</p>
<p>Harry had made it through the first half of the book by dawn. Reading about the verbal abuse Louis suffered at the hands of Mark was extremely painful. As a boy, Louis would hide in his room and get lost in books to escape reality. Mark would sometimes punish him for no reason and take the books away. One of those times, Louis started jotting a story down on paper and discovered that writing was an even more satisfying escape. He could control the destinies of his characters, whereas he had no control over the life he was forced to live in Mark's home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As a child, Louis never knew the real reason behind Mark's hatred. Johannah's protection of Mark was unacceptable, and Harry wanted to strangle her through the pages. The only good thing she ever did was go against Mark's wishes in buying Louis a dog. Lucky became Louis's solace and best friend.</p>
<p>Louis also recounted the time when he found out about Mark's infidelities. He had hacked into his father's computer and discovered the online affair with Harry's mother. Louis felt guilty because he was the one who broke the news to Johannah. Mark moved out soon after.</p>
<p>Johannah's subsequent breakdown opened up a whole new set of challenges. She became dependant on Louis in the same way she'd always relied in Mark. That, coupled with Louis discovering the truth about Patrick, and then the death of Lucky caused a downward spiral.</p>
<p>Louis started to smoke and drink to cope with the stress, developed an addiction to tattoos as a form of self-expression and became sexually promiscuous. He'd lost his virginity at 15 to a female tattoo artist after he'd convinced her he was 18.</p>
<p>It was really hard for Harry to get through certain parts of the book, but Louis's brutal honesty was admirable.</p>
<p>Harry read straight through until arriving at one point where he absolutely had to stop before continuing.</p>
<p>It was the chapter about Harry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Louis met Harry.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys sorry it's taken so long to update. I really struggled with this one so I'm sorry if it's a bit shit. Hope you all had a good Christmas and New year x</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*************************************<br/>           Louis's book<br/>*************************************</p>
<p>           Harry</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Vengeance.</p>
<p>That was the only thing that was going to get me through having to spend the better part of the next year living with Mark and his new family while mum "went away." </p>
<p>The only consolation was going to be the satisfaction that would come from making their lives miserable. He was going to pay for putting my mother in the looney bin and for leaving me to pick up the pieces.</p>
<p>The second I stepped off the plane, the cold weather, the taste of pollution in the air and the crowd of people was like a big giant "fuck you." This place was a definite far cry from LA. </p>
<p>When we first pulled up to the house, I refused to get out of Mark's car, but it was cold and I was freezing my ball sac off, so I finally gave in a dragged my feet inside.</p>
<p>My stepbrother stood in the living room waiting for me with a huge smile on his face. He was fucking beautiful. Like. Really fucking beautiful. I've never looked at another guy that way before and was momentary overcome by the rush of feelings that washed over me. My eyes then immediately landed on his neck.<br/>Fuck. Me.</p>
<p>This development was a major hiccup in my plan, but I was determined not to let it slow me down. I reminded myself to keep a serious face. I could see the deep breath he took before taking a step towards me with his hand extended, tripping in the process like a baby giraffe learning to walk.</p>
<p>"Oops. I'm Harry. Nice to meet you." Harry's blush reached his ears as he waited for me to shake his hand. I had to quickly school my features to hide how endearing I thought he was. And he smelled good enough to eat. I corrected the thought in my head: good enough to eat and SPIT HIM OUT. Don’t lose focus. His hand was still suspended in the air as he waited for me to take it.</p>
<p>I didn’t even want to touch him. That would further throw me off track. I eventually took his hand, squeezing it too tightly. I wasn’t expecting it to be so goddamn soft. It trembled a little. I was making him nervous. Good. This was a good start. I gave him me best glare and replied, "Hi.. Harry. Nice name…… for an old man."</p>
<p>The look on his face was priceless. He thought I was being nice for a split second. It was a weak insult on my part but to be fair I wasn't prepared for the things this boy was making me feel. His pretty smile dipped down into a frown. That should’ve made me happy, but I didn’t like it at all.</p>
<p>I can honestly say I've never been attracted to another guy before, but the longer I looked at him the more things I found attractive about him. I could see from the shirt he was wearing that he had a toned chest, long legs and lush curls that I just wanted to run my hands through.</p>
<p>And his neck. . . I couldn’t explain what it was, but it was the first thing I noticed about him. I had the urge to kiss it, bite it, wrap my hand around it. It was fucking weird.</p>
<p>“Would you like me to show you to your room?” He asked. He was still trying to be sweet. I needed to get out of there before I cracked, so I ignored him and headed for the stairs. After a brief encounter with Anne, who I always referred to as stepmonster, I finally made it to my room. </p>
<p>After Mark came in to give me shit for a good half-hour, I chain-smoked and played some music to drown out the noise in my head. Then, I went to the bathroom to take a hot shower. I squirted some shower gel into my hand that had to have belonged to Harry. There was a blue loofah sponge hanging off a suction cup on the tile wall. I bet that was what he used to clean his pretty little ass. </p>
<p>I grabbed it and washed my body with it before putting it back. The bathroom had completely filled with steam when I was done. I got out, and as I was wiping my body down, the door opened. Harry. Now was my chance to prove that I wasn’t all bark and no bite. </p>
<p>I let the towel drop to the ground to shock him. The idea was that he’d run out so fast that he’d barely see anything. Instead, he stood there with her eyes glued to my cock. What the fuck? He wasn’t even trying to turn away as his gaze traveled slowly upward to my chest. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, it was like he woke up and realized what he was doing. He turned away and apologized.</p>
<p>But by that time, I was starting to have fun with it, so I stopped him from leaving. </p>
<p>“You act like you’ve never seen a guy naked before.” Mark had told me that Harry had not long ago come out to them and warned me not to take the piss or say anything offensive. I was disappointed Mark thought so little of me. I had friends who were out and I considered myself a big supporter to the LGBT+ community.</p>
<p>“Actually, I haven’t.” His reply brought me out of my thought and reminded me of our current situation. He was kidding, right? He definitely had to be kidding.</p>
<p>“How disappointing for you. It’s gonna be really hard for the next guy to measure up.” </p>
<p>“Cocky much?” </p>
<p>“You tell me. Don’t I deserve to be?” </p>
<p>“God…you’re acting like—” </p>
<p>“A giant dick?” That shut him up. </p>
<p>Then, came more staring. Now, this was just getting uncomfortable. </p>
<p>“There’s really nowhere to go from here, so unless you’re planning on doing something, you should probably leave and let me finish getting dressed.” </p>
<p>He finally left. I hoped to God he was kidding. If he’d never seen a guy naked before then what I’d just done was really fucked up.</p>
<p> *** </p>
<p>A couple of days later, I’d overheard him telling his friend that he thought I was hot—“so fucking hot”—to be exact. Honestly, even though I knew I had some kind of effect on him, I wasn’t exactly sure if it was physical attraction. So, hearing that was a little bit of a game changer. </p>
<p>The good: I knew I could use it to my benefit. </p>
<p>The bad: I was unbelievably attracted to him, too and needed to make sure he didn’t know it.</p>
<p>Living at the house seemed to get a little easier each day. Although I would never have admitted it, I wasn’t exactly miserable anymore—far from it. I took joy in doing little things to mess with him, like stealing all of his underwear and his vibrator. Okay, maybe that wasn’t such a little thing. </p>
<p>Overall, though, I started to realize that the motivation behind my actions wasn’t what I originally intended. Getting back at Mark was barely an afterthought anymore. </p>
<p>Now, I was messing with Harry simply to get his attention. In a matter of days, I’d all but forgotten about my “evil plan.” One afternoon, though, shit got real when I intentionally brought a girl from school to Kilt Café where Harry worked. </p>
<p>I’ll admit; I had no problem getting girls and had been with a few of the hottest ones at school within the first month. But they all bored me. Everything bored me—except getting a rise out of my stepbrother. Harry never bored me. The first thing I’d think about when I’d wake up in the morning was how I was going to ruffle his feathers next. That day at the café was no exception, but it was a turning point—one I couldn’t turn back from. </p>
<p>Harry was waiting on our table, and I’d been intentionally giving him a difficult time. He ended up trying to get back at me by pouring a shitload of hot sauce into my soup. When I figured it out, I gulped the entire thing down to spite him. Even though it burned like hell, I didn’t let it show. I was so impressed with him that I could have kissed him. So, I did.</p>
<p>Under the guise of retaliation, I used the soup as an excuse to corner him in a dark corridor and do what I’d wanted to for weeks. I’ll never forget the noise he made when I first grabbed him and claimed his gorgeous mouth with mine. It was like he was starving for it. I could have kissed hin all damn day, but this was supposed to appear like it was about the hot sauce and not the kiss.</p>
<p>So, I reluctantly ripped myself away and went back to the table. I was hard as hell, and that wasn’t good. This was the first time another guy had made me hard before and I needed a moment to calm down and process it. I told my date to meet me outside so she wouldn’t notice. I had to make it seem like what just happened didn’t affect me and needed to quickly reinforce the idea that it was a joke. I’d been carrying around a pair of Harry’s underwear with me for days just waiting for the perfect opportunity to taunt him with them. </p>
<p>So, I left him the panties as part of his tip. I wished I could have seen his reaction.</p>
<p> *** </p>
<p>We were starting to spend more time together. He’d come to my room and play videogames, and I’d sneak glances at his neck when he wasn’t watching me. I’d replay the kiss in my head constantly, even when I was with other girls. It was those thought that helped me along when with them. </p>
<p>Harry and I would be eating ice cream together, and the urge to lick it off the corner of his mouth was enormous. I could feel myself falling for him more and more each day, and I didn’t like it. Not only was I attracted to him, but I also actually enjoyed his company. Which was way more than I can say about the girls here or back home.</p>
<p>I needed to keep myself in check, though, since taking it any further with him was not an option. So, I kept bringing girls home and pretended not to have feelings for Harry. It was working out alright until I found out he was going on a date with a guy from school: Nick. He was bad news. </p>
<p>His friend ended up asking me to join them on a double date, and I took the opportunity so that I could keep an eye on things. The date had been torture. Having to hide my jealousy, I was forced to sit back and watch while this asshole put his hands on him. </p>
<p>At the same time, Harry’s friend, Ella, was all over me, and there was zero interest on my part. I just wanted to get Harry home safely, but the night turned into way more than I bargained for. </p>
<p>Before it was over, I’d nearly put Nick in the hospital after he’d confessed that he’d made a bet with Harry’s ex that he could devirginize him. I went ballistic. Never in my life had I felt the need to protect someone like I wanted to protect him. </p>
<p>The next day, Harry would return the favour in a big way. Mark had barged into my room and went on one of his abusive rants. He’d overheard and stuck up for me in a way that no one ever had. Even though I pretended to be too drunk to remember it, I clung to every word until Harry kicked Mark out of the room. Thinking back, I’m pretty sure that was the moment I fell in love with him. </p>
<p>*** </p>
<p>That same weekend, our parents went away. It was bad timing because my feelings for him were at an all-time high. I’d made up a story about going out on a date just so I didn’t have to be alone with him. </p>
<p>That night, he’d woken me up in the middle of a dream. I’d been having one of my nightmares about the night Mum almost killed herself. I tried to lighten the mood because I must have looked like a crazy person. I said something to her like, “How do I know you’re not trying to take advantage of me in the middle of the night?” It was a joke. But he started to cry. Shit. I’d hit a new low. All of the antics I’d been pulling to mask my true feelings had taken a toll on him. I had to stop, but without the insults and jokes to hide behind, those feelings would become obvious. </p>
<p>When he fled to his room, I knew sleep wasn’t going to be possible until I’d at least made him smile again. I had an idea and grabbed his dildo I’d been hiding and took it to his room. I started to tickle him with it. Eventually, he gave into the laughter. </p>
<p>We spent the rest of the night lying in his bed talking. That was the first time I’d really opened up and made the mistake of admitting my attraction to him. He tried to kiss me, and I relented. It felt so good to taste his mouth again and to not have to pretend that it wasn’t real. </p>
<p>I grabbed his face and took control of it. I told myself that nothing bad would happen as long as I could draw the line at kissing. I’d almost had myself convinced until the urge to take it further started filling my mind. I freaked out over how easy that thought came to me and pushed him off of me. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was necessary. One, we really couldn't cross that line, and two, I really didn't know what to do even if we were able to go further. I felt like a helpless virgin all over again.</p>
<p>I explained to him that we could never let things go that far. I tried really hard after that to distance myself. Still, those thoughts I had rang out in my head at night, in the shower, pretty much all day. I lost interest in the girls and preferred jerking off to explicit thoughts of Harry. I even went as far as researching how sex with another guy worked. What am I doing?</p>
<p>*** </p>
<p>Weeks went by, and I became desperate to connect with him in some way again. I decided I’d let him read my book. After he finished it, he’d written me a note that he sealed in an envelope. Afraid to see what it said, I put off opening it. Then, came the night when everything changed. </p>
<p>Harry had gone out on a date. I knew the particular guy was harmless, so I wasn’t worried about him this time. I was worried about me. Even though I couldn’t have Harry, I didn’t want anyone else to have him, either. I watched him from the window as he walked to the door with flowers. What a twat waffle. I had to do something. </p>
<p>When he came upstairs to use the bathroom, I accosted him in the hallway. I gave him a pair of Harry's underwear and told him Harry had left them in my room. It was a dick move, but I was desperate. It pissed me off even more when Harry left with him. When he texted me from the car, I asked him to come home. He thought I was kidding. I wasn’t. I’d just lost my willpower for a second. Soon after, the phone rang, and I was sure it was Harry.</p>
<p>Dread set in after I realized it was my mother. She called me to say she was back in California, that she’d been released from rehab. I panicked because she shouldn’t have been alone in her state of mind. I didn’t know what to do because I knew I had to go back right away now. I didn’t want to leave Harry. But I had to go. </p>
<p>I texted him to come home from his date, that something had happened. Thankfully, that time he listened. I knew I had to tell him the truth about why I was leaving. When he came to my room, he looked so handsome in his green shirt and tight skinny jeans. The shirt made his green eyes look even brighter than usual and I just wanted to take him in my arms and never let him go. I told him as much as I could about Mum that night because he needed to know that it wasn’t my choice to leave. </p>
<p>Everything was happening so fast. I told him to go back to his room because I couldn’t trust myself. After much coaxing, he finally listened. It really was my intention to do the right thing and stay away from him that night. I was alone and missing him already even though he was just in the next room. I decided to open his letter, expecting to find some grammatical corrections and small critiques about my book. </p>
<p>Harry said things in that letter that no one had ever said to me in my entire life, things I needed to hear: that I was talented, that I inspired him to follow his own dreams, that he respected me, that he cared about me, that he couldn’t wait to read more, that he fell in love with my writing, that he was so proud of me, that he believed in me.</p>
<p>Harry made me feel things I never had before. He made me feel loved. I loved this boy, and I couldn’t do anything about it. Without thinking it through, I knocked on his door and decided to give him what he’d asked me for. I could go into details about all of the things that Harry and I did that night, but to be honest, it’s not something I feel comfortable writing about because of how much it meant to me.</p>
<p>He trusted me enough to give me something that no one else will ever get. That night was sacred to me, and I hope he realizes that. The one thing I will say is that I will never forget a certain look on his face. His eyes had been closed, and it was the way he opened them and looked at me the very first moment I was fully inside of him. </p>
<p>To this day, I still haven’t forgiven myself for leaving him the next morning. I’d never felt so attached to anyone. He had fully given himself to me. He was mine, and I threw him away. I let guilt and some deep-rooted need to protect my mother in order to justify my existence win over my own happiness. I don’t think Harry ever realized that I loved him long before that night. As I write this, what he definitely doesn’t know is that a few years later, I came back for him, but it was too late.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*************************************</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*****Harry's p.o.v*****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d come back for me? </p>
<p>Harry's hand covered his chest as if it were going to keep his heart from leaping out of it. It was now mid-morning, and the hustle and bustle of the daily grind could be heard from my window. The sun was pouring into the flat. Harry had already called out of work earlier because he needed to finish this book today. </p>
<p>Tonight was a 30th birthday celebration for a co-worker at a nightclub in town, and he wasn’t sure if he'd even be able to put it down long enough to go. Harry walked to the kitchen to have some water and forced down a granola bar. The energy would be much needed to get through this next part. <br/>He’d come back for me? Harry thought.</p>
<p>Harry curled back into the couch, took a deep breath and turned the page. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*************************************<br/>          Louis's book<br/>*************************************</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You have to treat addiction to a person the same way you would a drug problem. If I couldn’t be all in with Harry, then I couldn’t have any contact with him at all because that would have caused me to spiral out of control. Even calling or texting wasn’t going to be possible. It seemed harsh, but I wouldn’t have been able to handle even the sound of his voice if we couldn’t be together. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t pining for him every single day. That first year was hell.</p>
<p>Mum was no better than before I’d gone to Manchester. She kept interrogating me for information about Mark and Anne, stalking Anne’s facebook page and accusing me of being a traitor after I admitted that my stepmother wasn’t all that bad once you got to know her. </p>
<p>I couldn’t even mention Harry’s name because I didn’t want my mother to look him up or suspect anything. Mum was back on sleeping pills, and I had to watch her like a hawk. I was right in my assumption that she could have never handled even the thought of my being with Harry at that time. </p>
<p>It was a sad irony: Mum was obsessed with Anne, and unbeknownst to her, I’d become obsessed with Anne's son. We were quite the fucked up pair. </p>
<p>Not a day went by without my having a thought about Harry with another guy. It made me crazy. I was so far away and powerless. Ironically, there was a side of me that wished at the very least, I were able to protect him as his brother even if we weren’t together. Sick, right? </p>
<p>But what if someone hurt him? I wouldn’t even know about it and couldn’t beat them down. And forget about the thought of him fucking another guy. I’d actually punched a hole once in my bedroom wall just thinking about that. </p>
<p>Then, one night, I lost control and texted him that I missed him. I asked him not to respond. He didn’t, and it made me feel worse. I’d vowed never to repeat that mistake. </p>
<p>My life had gone back to exactly what it was before I moved to the UK: smoking, drinking and fucking girls I didn’t care about. I couldn't bring myself to try with a guy though. It all felt so wrong, so empty. The only difference from before was that now, somewhere deep beneath the filth was this longing for more. . . for him. He’d given me a taste of the type of human connection my life had been missing all along. </p>
<p>I expected the gnawing feeling in my chest to go away over time, but it never did; it only intensified. I think that was because deep down, I also sensed that wherever he was, Harry was thinking of me, feeling the same way. I somehow felt it, and it ate away at me for years.</p>
<p>*** </p>
<p>Two years later, Mum’s mental state had finally improved after she met a guy. He was her first boyfriend since Mark left her. George was Lebanese and owned the convenience store down the street from us. He was over the house all of the time and would always bring pita bread, hummus and olives. For the first time ever, her obsession with Mark seemed to have waned. George was a great guy, but the happier she was with him, the more bitter I became. </p>
<p>I’d given up the one person I ever cared about because I thought it would devastate my mother beyond repair. Now, she was happy, and I was still miserable. And Harry was gone. </p>
<p>I’d felt like I made the biggest mistake of my life. I needed to talk to someone about it because my anger was eating away at me day by day. I had never mentioned what happened with Harry to a single soul. The only person I could trust was Mark’s friend, Greg, who’d become like a second father to me. He gave me some inside information that day during our phone call: Harry had apparently recently moved to London. He even had his address from their Christmas card list. </p>
<p>Greg tried to convince me to fly out there and tell him how I felt. I didn’t think he would want to see me even if he still cared about me. I hurt him so badly that I didn’t understand how he could ever forgive me. Greg felt that going to see him in person would make a bigger impression. </p>
<p>Despite my fears, I booked a ticket the next day, which happened to be New Years Eve. I told Mum I was going to visit a friend I’d met years ago to celebrate the holiday in the city. I wouldn’t tell her about Harry unless this worked out. </p>
<p>The six-hour plane ride was the most nerve-wracking experience of my life. I just wanted to get there. I just wanted to hold him again. I didn’t know what I’d say or what I was going to do when I laid eyes on him. I didn’t know if he was even with someone. I was going in blind. This was the first time in my life that I ever put myself first and followed my heart. I hoped it wasn’t too late because I really wanted the opportunity to tell him all of the things I should have told him three years ago. He never even knew I loved him the night he’d given me his virginity. </p>
<p>If the plane ride took an eternity, the train ride to his flat seemed even more frustratingly long. As the train swayed, every single memory of him flashed through my head like a movie. I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about some of the shit I pulled on him and what a good sport he was. He made me happy. </p>
<p>Mostly, my mind drifted to that final night when he’d given me full ownership of his body. The train stopped; there was a slight delay. Getting to him soon felt urgent now. I needed to get to him.</p>
<p>When I finally made it to Harry's building, I double-checked the address I’d jotted down on a small piece of paper. His last name, Styles, was written in pen next to flat 7b on the listing inside the main entrance. There was no answer. </p>
<p>I nixed the idea of calling or texting him because I worried he’d say he didn’t want to meet with me before I had a chance to see him. I came all the way here. I needed to at least see his face. </p>
<p>The restaurant next door served as the perfect waiting spot before trying his door again in another hour. I knocked on that door every hour on the hour from four in the afternoon until nine at night. Each time, there was no answer, and I’d just go back to Charlie’s Pub and wait. </p>
<p>The time was 9:15. I’d never forget the moment I got my wish. I got to see him. But it wasn’t the way I wanted it to happen. Harry. He was wearing a tblue winter coat as he came strolling into Charlie’s. He wasn’t alone. A guy—who looked a hell of a lot more put together than me—had his arm wrapped around him. </p>
<p>The greasy food in my stomach started to come up on me. He was laughing as they took a seat in the middle of the restaurant. He looked happy. Harry didn’t notice me because his back was facing me as I sat in a corner booth. </p>
<p>Harry had let his hair grow out and now reached his shoulders. I watched as he unwound the scarf he’d been wearing, revealing the back of his beautiful neck—the neck I was supposed to be kissing tonight after I told him how much I loved him.</p>
<p>The guy leaned in and kissed Harry gently on the face. A voice inside of me screamed, “Don’t touch him!” His lips mouthed the words, “I love you.” </p>
<p>What was I supposed to do? Go over there and say, “Oh hello, I’m Harry’s stepbrother. I fucked the shit out of him once and left the very next day. He seems happy with you, and you probably actually deserve him, but I was hoping you could step aside and let me take over from here.” </p>
<p>A half-hour went by. I watched the waiter bring them their food. I watched them eat. I watched the guy reach over a dozen more times to kiss Harry. I’d close my eyes and listen to the sound of his sweet laughter. I didn’t know why I stayed. I just couldn’t get myself to leave him. I knew it was likely the last time I’d ever see him. </p>
<p>10:15: harry got up from his seat and let his date place his coat over his shoulders. He never once looked in my direction. I hadn’t considered what I would have done if he noticed me. I was too numb to move or even think clearly. </p>
<p>I watched Harry every second until the door closed behind them. That night, I wandered the city and eventually ended up with the masses in London watching the new years fireworks display. </p>
<p>Amidst the confetti, noisemakers and cheering, I wondered how I’d even gotten there because I was still in a daze since leaving the restaurant. A random middle-aged woman grabbed me and hugged me when the clock struck midnight. She couldn’t have known it, but I’d never needed a hug in my life more than that moment. I boarded a plane back to California the next morning.</p>
<p>A few months later, Mark had called the house for the first time in almost a year. I casually asked about Harry, and he told me he’d gotten engaged. That was the last time I ever mentioned his name. It took me almost three years before I could really move on with someone else. </p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Harry's p.o.v</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry had to stop reading. He threw his kindle across the room. His eyes were so filled with tears that the words were becoming blurry toward the end. Harry closed his eyes tightly to see if he could recall anything that could have clued him into the fact that Louis was there. </p>
<p>He was there. <br/>How could I not have known he was right behind me? <br/>He’d come for me. </p>
<p>It still hadn’t fully sunk in. Harry remembered that night. He remembered Tim and he were still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship. Things were going well. </p>
<p>Harry remembered even though it was New Years Eve, they’d been out all day shopping for a new computer for Harry. He remembered they stopped at his flat to drop it off and then headed into Charlie’s for a late dinner before going to watch the fireworks. Harry remembered when the clock struck 12, Tim warmed him from the cold with his kisses. He remembered wondering why in the midst of this magical night with a man who was seemingly perfect and who truly cared about him, all he wanted was Louis. </p>
<p>All Harry had been able to think about was Louis: where he was at that very moment, whether he was celebrating in America, whether he was thinking of Harry, too. All the while, Louis was right there. Fate had screwed them over. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the next couple of chapters, Louis wrote about finding a career path that was meaningful, and how he came to settle on social work. Louis felt a responsibility to help others, particularly children who’d come from broken homes like he had. </p>
<p>Harry rushed through the following chapters detailing how he’d met Eleanor. It was the only part of the book Harry had felt the need to speed through. The gist was that he met her at the youth center, they’d hung out a lot after work as friends. He was apprehensive about getting involved with her because he knew she was the type of girl who wanted a serious relationship. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that. </p>
<p>Over time, she’d made him forget about harry, made him laugh, and he grew to love and care about her. She was his first serious relationship, and he planned to propose to her…until. . .</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*************************************<br/>
Louis's book<br/>
*************************************</p><p> </p><p>It felt like my world came crashing down on that day. Things were going better than they’d ever had in my entire life. My job was stable and fulfilling. Eleanor and I had moved in together, and I was planning to ask her to marry me at her sister’s wedding coming up in just a few days.</p><p>A one-carat white gold solitaire had been stashed away for weeks. Mum was doing a lot better. She’d been on a roll with new art projects. While she’d broken up with George a year ago and had a major relapse, she was now dating a new guy named Steve who’d once again taken some of her focus off of Mark. </p><p>So, life was as good as it was gonna get—until a phone call from Clara changed everything. </p><p>“I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, Louis. Mark had a heart attack and died.” Those were the first words that came out of her mouth. </p><p>Initially, my reaction was the same as if she were calling to tell me what day of the week it was. Mark was dead. It didn’t matter how many times I’d repeated it in my head that day; it wouldn’t sink in. </p><p>Eleanor had somehow convinced me to go back for the service despite my better judgment. Mark wouldn’t have wanted me there. I was still in shock and too desensitized to fight her pushing guilt on me. </p><p>She didn’t know what kind of relationship Mark and I had. From her perspective, there was no excuse for my not attending. It was easier for me to just give in than have to tell her everything. I also knew that Mum couldn’t handle going. She wanted me to go in her place to represent the two of us. So, before I knew it, I was on a plane with Eleanor heading to Manchester. </p><p>The stagnant air on the plane was suffocating. Eleanor kept holding my hand as I blasted the volume of my music. I’d almost managed to calm down when a flash of Harry’s face induced further panic. Not only was I going to have to deal with Mark’s death, but Harry would probably be there too with his husband. Fuck. I knew this was going to be the worst couple of days of my life. </p><p>When we got to Greg and Clara’s house, I was really on edge. Eleanor and I took a shower together in the guest bathroom, but it hadn’t done anything to pacify my nervous state. </p><p>Before we’d left California, I’d picked up a case of the imported clove cigarettes I used to smoke. I took one out and lit it as I sat on the bed while Eleanor was still in the bathroom getting dressed. I was disappointed in myself for relapsing into smoking again, but it felt like the only thing holding me together at that point. </p><p>I had no motivation to get dressed and go downstairs. I lit another cigarette, inhaled deeply and walked over to the French doors that led to a balcony overlooking the backyard. The sky was overcast. Looking down was a colossal mistake. </p><p>My fists tightened in a fighting response to the fact that my heart was beating so rapidly. I wasn’t supposed to ever see him again like this. A part of me that died was coming back to life when it shouldn’t have. I didn’t know how to handle it. </p><p>Harry’s back was turned. He was staring out into the garden and must have just found out I was here. He was probably trying to plan his escape so he didn’t have to face me, or maybe he was just as angry at this predicament as I was. The fact that he was standing all alone out there told me that my being here was affecting him.</p><p>“Harry,” I whispered to myself. It was like he heard me because he turned around. Suddenly, a tidal wave of emotions that I’d tried to bury since that night in London came flooding out. I wasn’t prepared to see his face looking up at me. </p><p>I took another long drag. I also wasn’t prepared for how angry this moment would make me. With one look into his eyes, I was starting to feel everything: the realization of Mark’s death, the painful reminder of my unresolved feelings for him, the jealousy and crushing disappointment of that night in London, the twitch of my traitorous cock. The level of rage building inside of me was an unpleasant surprise. I was so confused. </p><p>I never wanted to see you again, Harry. It’s so fucking good to see you again, Harry. I felt like he could see right through me in that moment, and I didn’t like it. </p><p>We just stayed looking at each other for probably an entire minute. His previously dumbfounded expression darkened as soon as I felt Eleanor’s hands wrap around me. I instinctively turned around and moved back, pushing Eleanor away from the window. </p><p>I think I was trying to protect Harry’s feelings in that moment but didn’t know why I bothered. What the fuck did he expect me to do, sit around and pine for him alone while he married Mr. Wonderful? </p><p>Still, I knew seeing Eleanor appear out of nowhere like that must have been a shock. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Eleanor asked. She hadn’t seen Harry. </p><p>“Yeah,” I said dismissively. Needing to be alone, I walked to the bathroom and shut the door to gear up before I had to face the music.</p><p> </p><p>*** </p><p>He was sitting at the far corner of the dining room table when we got downstairs. He wouldn’t look at me. I hate when you do that, Harry. </p><p>Anne got up and hugged me. I gave her some brief greeting, told her I was sorry about Mark, but the entire time I was thinking about what the fuck I was going to say to Harry. </p><p>I glanced over at him, and now, he was looking at me. I stood back as Eleanor hugged Anne and gave her condolences. I needed to bite the bullet. I walked over to him and barely got his name out. </p><p>“Harry.” He hopped up nervously like my saying his name had lit a fire under his ass. He stuttered a little. </p><p>“I…I’m so sorry…about Mark.” His lips trembled. He was discombobulated—a mess, I told myself. I didn’t want to admit that he was even more beautiful than I remembered, that his long hair accentuated the length of his neck, that I’d missed the dimple in his cheek when he smiled, that the way his shirt hugged his body reminded me of things I needed to forget now. I couldn’t move, just stood there taking him in. The familiar scent of his hair was intoxicating. My body flinched when he reached out to hug me. </p><p>I had really tried not to feel anything, but here in his arms was the epicenter of it all. Harry's heart was beating against my chest, and mine immediately responded by matching the rhythm. Our hearts were communicating in a way that our egos wouldn’t allow with words. The heartbeat is the purest form of honesty. I put my hand on his back and could feel his body heat radiate through to me. </p><p>Before I could even process what that did to me, Eleanor’s voice snapped me out of it as Harry ripped himself away from me. The space between us felt infinitely vast. I couldn’t believe this was really happening: my past colliding with my present. The one that got away was face to face with the one who got me over it. </p><p>Harry’s left hand was bare; there was no ring. Where was his fiancé or husband? Where the fuck was he? </p><p>Engrossed in my thoughts, I didn’t even hear what they were saying to each other. Clara saved the day when she walked in with food, and Harry went to help her. Harry reentered the dining room and started placing the silverware down around us. He was so tense, and pieces kept slipping and clinking around as he fumbled with them. I wanted to joke and ask him when he started practicing playing percussion with spoons. I didn’t. </p><p>When he finally sat down, Greg asked, “So, how did you kids meet?” </p><p>Harry looked up from his plate for the first time as Eleanor explained how we met at the youth center. When Eleanor leaned in to kiss me, I felt Harry watching it, and the mood became very uncomfortable. The subject changed to my mother, and harry was back to pretending he was engrossed in his plate. My body stiffened again when Eleanor asked him a question. </p><p>“Where do you live, Harry?”</p><p>“I live in London, actually. I just came into town a couple of days ago.” </p><p>“I” came into town, not “we.” I wished I had a camera to capture the look on Harry’s face when Eleanor suggested we visit him in London.</p><p>The mood got quiet again, and I’d snuck some glances in when he wasn’t looking. When he caught me, I shifted my attention back to my plate. </p><p>“Louis never told me he had a stepbrother,” Eleanor said. I wasn’t sure whom the statement was directed toward, but I wasn’t touching that subject with a ten-foot pole. Harry still refused to look at me. </p><p>Anne spoke up. “Louis only lived with us for a short time back when they were teenagers.” She looked at Harry. “The two of you didn’t get along too well back then.” </p><p>For some reason, the uncomfortable look on Harry’s face got under my skin. He was still looking down and not acknowledging his mother’s statement, not acknowledging me. An unexplainable need for him to acknowledge me, to acknowledge what we had, overtook my better judgment. </p><p>I reverted back to my old ways for a moment and started to taunt him to get his attention. “Is that true, Harry?” He looked frazzled. </p><p>“Is what true?” I lifted my brow. </p><p>“That we didn’t get along.” His jaw tightened, and his eyes never left mine as they silently warned me not to push it. </p><p>Finally, he said, “We had our moments.” </p><p>My voice lowered to a gentler tone. “Yeah, we did.”</p><p>His face was turning red. I’d pushed it. I tried to do damage control by lightening the mood. </p><p>“What was it you used to call me?” </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“‘Stepbrother dearest,’ was it? Because of my glowing personality?” I turned to Eleanor. “I was a miserable fuck back then.” </p><p>I was for a while. . . until Harry made me want to be a better person. </p><p>“How did you know about that nickname?” Harry asked. </p><p>I laughed to myself, remembering how I used to snoop in on his phone calls to his friend. It was good to finally see him crack a smile as he said, </p><p>“Oh, right. You used to eavesdrop on me.” Eleanor was looking back and forth at us. </p><p>“Sounds like those were some fun times.” I wouldn’t take my eyes off Harry. I wanted him to know that those days were some of the best of my life. “They were,” I said. </p><p> </p><p>*** </p><p>The only good thing about focusing on my unresolved feelings for Harry was that it took my mind off of Mark. When I escaped to be alone in the backyard after dinner, though, the fact that he was gone started to hit me. </p><p>He and I would never have a chance to make amends now. It was interesting how making amends never seemed to matter when he was alive, but in his death, it was haunting me. At the very least, I’d wanted to prove him wrong, make something of myself. Now, he was somewhere in another dimension possibly coming face to face with Patrick.</p><p>Thinking about it without distraction for too long fucked with my mind. I grabbed a cigarette and tried to just meditate. It didn’t work because my emotions had only gone from sad to angry. I heard the glass door sliding open and footsteps behind me. Don’t ask me how I knew it was him. </p><p>“What are you doing out here, Harry?” </p><p>“Eleanor asked me to come talk to you.” </p><p>What the fuck were they talking for? It just rubbed me the wrong way. Eleanor could not find out about what happened between Harry and me. I let out a sarcastic laugh. </p><p>“Oh, really.” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“Were you two comparing notes?”</p><p>"That’s not funny.” </p><p>It wasn’t, but my classic protective mechanism of acting like a bastard in times of stress had come out in full force. It was too late. And dammit, I wanted him to acknowledge us. I put my cigarette out. </p><p>“You think she would have sent you out here to talk to me if she knew the last time before today that you and I were together, we were fucking like rabbits?” </p><p>The color drained from his face. “Did you have to put it like that?” </p><p>“It’s the truth, isn’t it? She would freak the fuck out if she knew.” </p><p>“Well, I’m not going to be the one to tell her, so you don’t have to worry. I would never do that.” Harry’s eye started to twitch, which proved I was having an effect on him. Old habits die hard. I was addicted now. </p><p>“Why are you winking at me?”</p><p>“I’m not. . . My eye is twitching because—” </p><p>“Because you’re nervous. I know. You used to do that when I first met you. Glad to see we’ve come full circle.” </p><p>“I guess some things never really change, do they? It’s been seven years, but it seem just like—” </p><p>“Like yesterday,” I interrupted. “It seems like just yesterday, and that’s fucked up. This whole situation is.” </p><p>“It was never supposed to happen.” </p><p>My eyes somehow landed on his neck, and I couldn’t pry them away. I knew he noticed it. I felt possessive all of a sudden, something I knew I had no right to feel. I still needed to know what the fuck was going on. </p><p>“Where is he?” </p><p>“Who?” </p><p>“Your fiancé.” </p><p>“I’m not engaged. I was. . . But not anymore. How did you know I was engaged?” </p><p>I had to look down. I couldn’t let him see the effect hearing this news had on me. </p><p>“What happened?” </p><p>“It’s kind of a long story, but I was the one who ended it. He moved to Europe for a job. It just wasn’t meant to be.” </p><p>“Are you with anyone now?” </p><p>“No.” Fuck. He continued, “Eleanor is really nice.” </p><p>“She’s wonderful; one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, actually.” She was. I loved Eleanor; I did. I could never hurt her. I needed to convince both Harry and myself that Eleanor was it for me. It was still fucked up that hearing Harry say there was no other man had now riled me up.</p><p>Harry quickly changed the subject to Mark and my mother. It was starting to rain, so I used that as an excuse to tell him to go inside. He wouldn’t leave. </p><p>Then, his eyes started to water. All of a sudden, my heart felt like it was breaking. I needed to fight these emotions, and there was only one way I ever knew how to do that with Harry: by being an asshole. </p><p>I snapped at him. “What are you doing?” </p><p>“Eleanor’s not the only one who’s worried about you.” </p><p>“She’s the only one that has a right to be. You don’t need to be worrying about me. I’m none of your concern.” </p><p>My heart was pounding faster in protest of what had just come out of my mouth because deep down, I wanted him to care. He was hurt. I’d hurt him again, yet I needed to fight these feelings. </p><p>“You know what? If I didn’t feel so sorry for what you’re going through right now, I’d tell you to kiss my ass,” he said. His words had gone straight to my dick. I had the urge to grab him and kiss him senseless. I had to nip this in the bud. </p><p>“And if I wanted to be a dick, I’d say you were asking me to kiss your ass because you remembered how much you fucking loved it when I did.” What the fuck had I just said? I needed to leave before I did something even more stupid, although that one would be hard to top. As I walked past him, I said, “Take care of your mother tonight.”</p><p>I left him standing in the garden. When I opened the door, I pulled Eleanor into the hardest kiss I’d ever given her in a desperate attempt to obliterate Harry from my mind. </p><p> </p><p>*** </p><p> </p><p>The wake had been tougher than I even expected in more ways than one. I refused to look over at the coffin. I didn’t know anyone. I didn’t belong there. Voices blended together. I heard nothing. I saw nothing. I was counting the minutes until I could be back on that plane. Eleanor was keeping me standing. The only time I ever felt pain was when I’d look over at Harry. </p><p>The single instance I left to escape everything, I’d ended up running into him downstairs in the basement of the funeral home. He tried to pretend he didn’t see me after he exited the bathroom, but I knew it was my one chance to apologize for my earlier behavior. </p><p>I hadn’t expected him to use that moment to tell me he still had feelings for me. It had broken all my resolve. Everything about this day had weakened me. His hair was up in a bun again, and at one point, I wrapped my hand around his neck. </p><p>The trauma of this whole experience had totally clouded my better judgment. It felt unreal, almost like I was dreaming. But there was nothing I needed more in that moment. </p><p>Eleanor’s footsteps interrupted my trance. She’d come down to check on me, but she didn’t see anything. I felt ashamed when I looked into my girlfriend’s loving eyes. She’d been worried about me and meanwhile, I was in the middle of some kind of wet dream.</p><p>I hated myself. Soon after we went back upstairs, I insisted we leave early and hitch a ride back to Greg and Clara’s house. Desperate to wash every shred of Harry off my hands and out of my mind, I practically attacked Eleanor when we got to the bedroom. I told her I needed sex right then and there. She didn’t question it, just started to undress herself. That was the kind of girlfriend she was. She loved me unconditionally even in my manic state. </p><p>The problem was. . . what my body really craved in that moment wasn’t in the room. As I moved in and out of Eleanor, I closed my eyes and saw nothing but Harry: Harry’s face, Harry’s neck, Harry’s ass. This was the lowest thing I’d ever done. Guilt consumed me, and I stopped abruptly. </p><p>Without explanation, I ran to the bathroom and turned on the shower. The need for release was enormous. I started to jerk off to a visual of Harry on his knees looking up at me as I dressed his neck with my cum. It took me all of a minute. I was sick. </p><p>After I’d come down from my orgasm, I felt even worse than I had before. That night, my thoughts seemed to be taking turns obsessing over Harry and Mark. I didn’t sleep a wink. Mark won most of the night as flashbacks of him tormented me. </p><p>Eleanor would be leaving early to fly out to California in the morning for her sister’s wedding. I couldn’t fathom how I was going to possibly handle the burial tomorrow without her there to lean on. . . or to keep me away from Harry.</p><p> </p><p>*** </p><p> </p><p>Scramble the letters of the word funeral; you get “real fun.” Of course, it was anything but that. </p><p>Just don’t look up. That was what I told myself. Don’t look up at the coffin on the altar. Don’t look up at Harry’s back. Just keep looking at the watch, and every minute will be one step closer to this being over. </p><p>That rule of thumb worked for me until we got to the burial grounds at which point I had the freak out of my life and ended up in Harry's car on the road to nowhere. I needed a smoke, but the craving wasn’t bad enough to warrant stopping the car long enough to buy cigarettes. </p><p>Everything was a blur: the funeral, my panic attack and now, even the trees that lined the pavements while Harry drove so fast that they blended together into one blurry green line. Everything was just a fucking blur. I kept looking out the window for what seemed like hours until he spoke up for the first time. </p><p>“Just about another twenty minutes, and then we’re gonna stop somewhere, okay?” I looked over at him. He was softly humming. Sweet Harry. Fuck. My chest constricted. I’d been such an asshole to him up until today, and now, I’d basically hijacked him. Harry had saved me from myself this afternoon, and I’d done nothing to deserve him taking the time out to drive me around like this. I didn’t have the energy to tell him how much it meant to me, so I just said, “Thank you.”</p><p>One of Harry's long curly hairs had strayed, landing on my black pants. I twirled it around in my hands and eventually relaxed enough to fall asleep. It was the first time I’d slept in days. I woke up delirious. When I realized where he’d taken me, I fell into a fit of laughter. A casino. It was brilliant. </p><p>When we entered the building, Harry started coughing incessantly and complained about the smoke. It was odd, but my own desire for a cigarette had gone away. The adrenaline of being in that environment had shifted my focus off my problems. I was pumped. </p><p>“Try to have fun, bro.” I jokingly shook his shoulders and immediately regretted putting my hands on him at all because apparently, my body couldn’t be trusted to not react like an animal. </p><p>“Please don’t call me that.” </p><p>“What would you prefer I call you here? No one knows us. We can make up names. We’re both dressed in all black. We look like mafia high rollers.” </p><p>“Anything but bro.” he replied. “What do you like to play?” </p><p>“I want to hit one of the tables. What about you?” </p><p>“I just do the penny slots.” </p><p>The penny slots. God, he was cute. </p><p>“The penny slots? You’re going wild today, huh?” </p><p>“Don’t laugh.” </p><p>“You don’t go to a casino like this to play the slots, especially the penny ones.” </p><p>“I don’t know how to play any of the tables.”</p><p>“I can show you, but first we need drinks.” I winked at him. “Always liquor before you poker.” His face turned pink. I’d almost forgotten how addicting making him blush was. </p><p>He rolled hi eyes. “God, some things never change. At least you’re back to making dirty jokes. That means I did something right today.” </p><p>“Seriously, this idea…” I looked at the chaos all around us then back at Harry. “Coming here. . . it was perfect.” </p><p>What I wished I could tell him was that unexpectedly getting to spend time with him again was the best part. We bought some chips, and I’d gone to get us some drinks. I had been feeling really good until I made my way back to where Harry was waiting. A fat guy in a sweaty shirt smacked him on the ass and groped him as he stood next to him at the craps table. </p><p>Without further thought, my body went into fight mode. “Tell me I did not just see that fucking slob smack you on the ass.” I gave harry the drinks. “Hold these.” I put the creep in a chokehold. Both hands were needed to fit around his fat neck. </p><p>“Who the fuck do you think you are putting your hands on him like that?” He held up his hands. </p><p>“I didn’t know he was with someone. He was helping me out.” </p><p>“It looked like you were helping yourself.” I’d accidentally spit on him when the words came out of my mouth then dragged him by the neck over to Harry. “Apologize to him right now.” </p><p>“Look man—” </p><p>“Apologize.” I yelled as I squeezed his neck even harder. </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>My ears were throbbing. I still wanted to kill him. Harry was pleading. </p><p>“Come on, Louis. Please let’s just go.” </p><p>His scared face made me realize that beating this guy down wasn’t worth putting Harry through this. I took my drink from him and started to walk away. Then, I heard him from behind me, </p><p>"You're lucky you came when you did. I was just about to ask the twink to blow on my dice."</p><p>I flipped the fuck out, charging toward him and nearly hurt Harry who tried to use his body to block my aim. He only ended up getting drenched by the drinks that spilled all over her. </p><p>“Louis, no! We can’t get kicked out of here. Please. I’m begging you.” </p><p>I realized in that moment if I even touched him, I was going to either kill him or seriously hurt him. I needed to walk away. </p><p>“You can thank him that you still have a face.” </p><p>I was still stewing as we walked out of the room. The only other time I’d put my hands on someone like that had also been in Harry’s defense. Was I protecting him now as a brother or an ex-lover? That was the question.</p><p>Harry's hair was wildly disheveled, and his shirt and trousers were soaked. </p><p>“Shit, Harry. You’re a mess.” </p><p>In reality, he’d never looked more beautiful. </p><p>Harry laughed. “A hot mess.” </p><p>“Let’s go. I’m buying you a new outfit.” </p><p>“It’s fine. I’m just a little wet.” it had made Harry's shirt see through. Fuck. Get your mind out of the gutter, Louis. </p><p>“No, it’s not fine. That was my fault.”</p><p>“It’ll dry. Tell you what, if you win something tonight, you can spend it all on a new outfit for me at one of these expensive shops. That’s the only way I’m letting you spend any money on me.” </p><p>I felt like a douche, and I knew I wasn’t leaving tonight until I bought him the nicest outfit in this joint to make up for what I did. </p><p>After I’d gone to get drinks, I told him it was better if we separated while I played poker. There were a ton of people who looked like they were on the prowl in the poker room, and I didn’t want to have to fuck anyone up tonight. </p><p>Harry didn’t realize how attractive he was. It amazed me that he even listened and agreed to go play the slots for a while. When I sat down at the table, my phone vibrated. </p><p>**Harry: Why does it matter to you anymore if other guys hit on me? You’re not supposed to care.**</p><p>Shit. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that he called me out on my behavior. He was right. I was being selfish. I wasn’t really afraid of someone hitting on him. What scared me was the possibility that I’d have to watch while he returned the interest or entertained it. He was single, and I wasn’t. What was to stop him? I was just as jealous as ever, and I had no right to be. It was unreasonable and wrong. So, I didn’t respond to the text because there was no good answer. </p><p>I couldn’t concentrate on the game and kept losing. My mind was too focused on the text and more so on my unacceptable behavior. I took out my phone and swiped through pictures of Eleanor in an attempt to remind myself whom I belonged to. I scanned through the photos: our drive to San Diego, she and my mother cooking on the barbecue, she and I kissing, our cat Dublin. . . the ring she hadn’t seen yet. I tried to turn my attention back to the game, but Harry’s question kept eating away at me. So, I texted him a non-answer that happened to be the truth. </p><p>**Louis: I know I'm not supposed to care. But when it comes to you, what I'm supposed to be feeling has never seemed to matter.**</p><p> </p><p>About twenty minutes later, I was down 200 pound when he met up with me and waved a thousand pound cash in my face. I couldn’t believe he’d won all of that money on the penny slots. </p><p>“Shit, Harry! Congratulations!” When I gave him a congratulatory hug, I could feel how fast his heart was beating. I told myself it was because of his win and not the same reason my heart was exploding. We decided to look for a place for dinner and opted for the steakhouse. </p><p>All throughout our meal, I was obsessing over a strange text I’d received a little while earlier from an unknown number. It was the number 22 and had come in at exactly 2:22. February 22 was Mark’s birthday. I was convinced the message was from him, that it was his way of fucking with me from beyond. So, I was barely touching my food. Harry, on the other hand, had no problem finishing off my steak and his. He’d drowned the meat in peppercorn sauce</p><p>I busted his ballsiver it. “How about some steak with your sauce?” </p><p>“I love it. It reminds me of my dad. He used to put it on everything. He even put it on toast once.” </p><p>Watching him eat had made me smile. He couldn’t have known how much him being there for me that night meant. I’d only freaked out in a gazillion different ways yet he was still here…with peppercorn sauce all over his face. </p><p>He noticed me grinning at him. “What?” He said with her mouth full. </p><p>I took my napkin and reached across to wipe the side of his mouth. </p><p>“Nothing, sloppy.” It suddenly hit me: tomorrow could be the last time I'd ever see Harry. My entire body tensed up. This day had put me through the wringer of every feeling imaginable. </p><p>Something else also hit me: the answer to the question he texted me earlier, the reason why it bothered me if other people came on to him. I was eventually able to let Harry go only because I thought he was happy and that he was with someone who loved him. Everything I believed to get me over him was a lie. Realising that had now put my feelings back at square one even though I wouldn’t be able to act on them. </p><p>*************************************</p><p>Harry p.o.v</p><p> </p><p>Harry layed his head back on the couch and let out a deep sigh. This glimpse inside of Louis's head was killing him. Harry needed to take another break from the book because an incredible amount of anxiety was building about where this story was going.</p><p>He was running late for his friend’s 30th birthday party on top of that. Harry couldn’t exactly skip out because he’d been one of the organizers along with a couple of his co-workers. Harry decided he would take a shower, get dressed then take his kindle with him to sneak in reading whenever he could tonight while he was out. His device showed that he only had 15-percent left in the book. Harry assumed he'd be fine to finish it in public. </p><p>You know what they say about assuming things. . .</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night was unexpectedly chilly as Harry stood outside his building waiting for a taxi. The short sleeved, almost translucent black shirt Harry was wearing was definitely fitting for the party, but thinking back, probably should have grabbed his jacket. </p>
<p>**Sully: Have fun tonight!**</p>
<p>Harry had tried to convince her to come out with him, but she said she had a date with an electric razor for her monthly “lady parts” grooming night making Harry laugh for the first time in two days.</p>
<p>They'd rented a small private room with a bar for the party. This would have seemed like an epic night were Harry not so preoccupied with finishing the book. </p>
<p>His taxi finally arrived with Harry quickly jumping in, slamming the door and immediately wasted no time getting his phone out. He had downloaded the Kindle app to his phone so he could read Louis's book inconspicuously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*************************************<br/>          Louis's book<br/>*************************************</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After we left the steakhouse, my funk was back in full force. Harry had gone to get us some drinks while I went to buy more chips. I sat down at a table to wait for him when out of nowhere tears just started streaming down my face. </p>
<p>It made no sense because there hadn’t even been a preceding thought. It seemed to just be the release of everything that had been bottled up. This was the last place I wanted to break down. Once the tears started, they wouldn’t stop. </p>
<p>In a self-punishing way, I added fuel to the fire and started to focus on things that made it worse. I sometimes blamed myself for coming into the world and making Mark’s life miserable. I wondered if he and Mums marriage would have lasted were it not for me. </p>
<p>Deep down, there was always an underlying hope that things would turn around, that he and I could look each other in the eyes someday and see something other than hate—that he would tell me he really loved me even though he didn’t know how to show it. <br/>That would never happen now. I looked up to find Harry standing there watching me as he held a drink in each hand. I licked a hot teardrop off my lips. </p>
<p>“Don’t look at me, Harry.” </p>
<p>He put the drinks down and immediately pulled me into him. In Harry’s arms, the tears were multiplying. My hands dug into him back in a silent plea for him not to let go yet. I eventually calmed down. </p>
<p>“I hate this. I shouldn’t be crying for him. Why am I crying for him?” </p>
<p>“Because you loved him.” </p>
<p>“He hated me.” </p>
<p>“He hated whatever he saw in you that reminded him of himself. He didn’t hate you. He couldn’t have. He just didn’t know how to be a father.”</p>
<p>It surprised me how close to being right he was despite Harry not knowing my secret. Mark hated what he saw in me that reminded him of Patrick. </p>
<p>“There’s a lot I haven’t told you. The screwed up thing is, after all the shit we went through, I still wanted to make him proud of me someday, wanted him to love me.” I let out a deep breath because I’d never admitted that to anyone. </p>
<p>“I know you did,” he said softly. </p>
<p>Looking into his eyes reminded me that I was staring into the soul of the first person who’d ever actually succeeded at making me feel loved. For that, I would be eternally grateful to him. </p>
<p>“Where would I be tonight without you?” </p>
<p>“I’m glad I got to be the one with you tonight.” </p>
<p>“I’ve never cried in front of anyone before. Not once.” </p>
<p>“There’s a first time for everything.” </p>
<p>“There’s a bad joke in there somewhere. You know that, right?” We laughed. I loved his laugh. </p>
<p>“You make me feel things, Harry. You always have. When I’m around you, whether it’s good or bad. . . I feel everything. Sometimes, I don’t handle it too well, and I fight it by acting like an asshole. I don’t know what it is about you, but I feel like you see the real me. The second I saw you again for the first time at Greg’s when you were standing in that garden. . . it was like I couldn’t hide behind myself anymore.” I touched his face. “I know it was hard for you to see me with Eleanor. I know you still care about me. I can feel it even when you’re pretending you’ve stopped.”</p>
<p>It was the most honest thing I’d said to him all night. Harry always wore his heart on his sleeve, and even though he was trying not to make it obvious, his discomfort around Eleanor had been evident. (Although, Eleanor seemed to be oblivious to it.)</p>
<p>I couldn’t have imagined how I would have handled it if the situation were reversed. My tears had finally dried. As we continued to sit in the wake of that embrace, his lips were begging me to kiss them. I wished there were a magic eraser that would have allowed me to experience it just once and delete the consequences immediately after. </p>
<p>Of course, that would never be possible. I didn’t think there was anyone worthy of those lips anyway, least of all me. So, I just stared at his mouth, wanting to kiss him but knowing I wouldn’t. </p>
<p>Maybe he read my mind, and I scared him off, because he got up like a bat out of hell. The next thing I knew, he’d run off to the roulette table, slapped some of his money down on the number 22, and the rest was history. </p>
<p>This guy had a major horseshoe up his ass. </p>
<p>*** </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nineteen thousand pounds. I didn't know what shocked me more: that he won for a second time tonight or that he'd managed to turn my evening around with that awesome play on 22. The mysterious text wasn't preoccupying me anymore. Instead, I was once again stocked to be here and vowed that for the rest of the night in these final hours together, we'd have the time of our lives.</p>
<p>Harry made me take a thousand pounds cash. I had no intention of spending it. I'd been using my money the entire time. I didn't care if I spent every last penny I owned on him, I couldn't have repaid him for being there for me that night. I'd done nothing to deserve it.</p>
<p>We ended up at the casino clothing stores, and that was where the mood for the evening shifted to a place we couldn't quite come out from under for the remainder of the trip.</p>
<p>I picked out an outfit for Harry that I thought would look perfect on him, and he'd gone into the dressing room to try it in. I played with my phone to distract me from the thought of Harry undressing just a feet away from me.</p>
<p>He was starting to take a really long time, so I asked, "You alright in there?"</p>
<p>He said that his zipper was stuck, so without thinking, I moved the curtain to the side and stepped into the dressing room. "Come here."</p>
<p>The second I got one look at his gorgeous body covered in tattoos I immediately realized that putting myself in this position was a big mistake. I didn't even know he had so many tattoos. My fingers tingled as I caught myself almost reaching out to touch his bare skin.</p>
<p>I looked down at where the zip was stuck and before I knew it, I got down on my knees in front of him and started working on getting the zipper unstuck. I heard Harry's breathing become more rapid at my actions and knowing that my touching and position was the reason for it made me breathe faster, too. I was losing control. Salacious thoughts invaded my brain. One thought in particular had me ripping the jeans open and taking Harry's cock in my mouth while he moaned my name for the entire shop to hear.</p>
<p>They're just thoughts I told myself. Focus on the task in hand.</p>
<p>"You weren't kidding," I said as I tried my best to fix it so I could get the hell out of there. Finally, it budged. "Got it."</p>
<p>I didn't have to lower it for him but I couldn't resist a small glimpse of the milky skin of his hips. "All set."</p>
<p>It reminded me of every other part of his body that he'd once given to me fully and completely for one night. It may have only been once, but in my gut, I knew a part of Harry still belonged to me. His body language proved it and made me wonder if I was the first and last person who'd ever truly pleasured him.</p>
<p>My hands wouldn't leave his side's as I rose off the ground. He was looking right at me and I knew he was battling his feelings, too. This was the first time since our reconnection that I truly realized how much Harry still wanted me sexually. Our desire for each other was so powerful in the confines of this tiny space that you could taste it in the air. </p>
<p>Our faces were just inches apart and I'd never wanted to kiss him more than that moment. My eyes dropped to his mouth, and I counted in my head to keep myself in control. The counting wasn't working so I closed my eyes.</p>
<p>When I opened them, I no longer had the urge to just kiss him. It was far worse. Thank God he couldn't read minds because the image of fucking that beautiful mouth was so clear in my mind that I felt myself getting hard and prayed he didn't look down </p>
<p>I needed to leave but couldn't move.<br/>Eleanor.<br/>Eleanor.<br/>Eleanor.<br/>You love Eleanor.<br/>Having these feelings are okay as long as you don't act on them, I told myself. This is natural. You can't prevent what your body wants, only whether you follow through with it. And I deserved a big shiny trophy for resistance. Instead of a "mirror ball," we'd call it the "blue ball."</p>
<p>The store attendant finally came by. "Is everything okay in there?"</p>
<p>"Yes!" Harry shouted</p>
<p>But I knew in his voice it wasn't. This was messing with his mind, and I'd be fucking damned if the night ended in him getting hurt.</p>
<p>Even though we hadn't acknowledged what was happening between us verbally, I instinctively said, "I'm sorry." Then, I slid the curtain and left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            *************</p>
<p>We decided to spend the night at the hotel since we'd been drinking. After we'd both separated to shower before heading to the casino nightclub, I met Harry back at his room. When he opened the door, the sight of him in the see through shirt and skin tight jeans knocked the wind out of me again. His hair was still sopping wet and falling past his shoulders, he looked amazing.</p>
<p>"Wow," I breathed out, not intending to have said it our loud. The word had left my lips before my brain could warn me not to seem so obvious. I needed to say something to offset my slip. "You definitely don't look like your going to a funeral anymore."</p>
<p>"What do I look like now?"</p>
<p>"You look flushed, actually. Are you feeling alright?"</p>
<p>In all honesty, he looked like he'd just been properly fucked, and it made my dick ache.</p>
<p>"I'm fine," he said.</p>
<p>"You sure?"</p>
<p>"Yep."</p>
<p>"It felt so good to take a shower," I said. And by that I meant the two orgasms I gave myself thinking about an alternative ending to our dressing room encounter.</p>
<p>"I know what you mean," he said.</p>
<p>"Do you need to dry your hair?"</p>
<p>"Yeah  just give me a minute."</p>
<p>I turned on the TV and lay down on the bed. About ten minutes later Harry came out of the bathroom. </p>
<p>"I'm ready."</p>
<p>Harry's curls looked so soft as they fell just past his shoulders, accentuating his beautiful neck in all its glory, and I knew I was in trouble for the rest of the night.</p>
<p>I jumped up and turned the television off. </p>
<p>We walked down the hall, and the smell of the soap on his skin was invading my senses. I glanced over at him and wanted him to know how handsome he looked when I said, </p>
<p>"You clean up nice." When we entered the elevator, I added, "I'm glad you didn't cut your curls off, they were the first thing I noticed about you when we first met."</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>We started reminiscing about how I used to torture him and at one point, he said, "Well, you weren't exactly as mean as you wanted me to believe you were."</p>
<p>I returned with, "And it turned out you weren't that innocent."</p>
<p>The tone in my voice made no secret of what I was referring to. We looked at eachother with a silent understanding that the conversation needed to end there.</p>
<p>If I thought the night was going to get easier once we entered distraction of a nightclub, I had another thing coming.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          ******************</p>
<p>We'd been dancing a lot. It was the most fun I'd had all night. The bass was blaring, and I could feel it pumping through me. Dancing bodies tangled together around us, but Harry and I kept a space between each other.<br/>It was necessary.</p>
<p>At one point, I went to the bathroom and as I made my way back through the multicoloured flashing lights, I spotted a guy dancing very close around him and talking in his ear </p>
<p>When I returned to the spot where Harry was dancing alongside him, my conscience gave way to primal and impulsive reaction. I wrapped my arm around Harry's waist and pulled him firmly back to me. He didn't resist. My arm was still dominantly locked around him when he turned to look at me. I gave him a warning look. In that moment, we were the Louis and Harry of seven years ago. I was jealous, and I was once again making it obvious. Given the not so minor detail of my being in a serious relationship, it was unfair to expect him to accept things that I couldn't, but he cared about me enough to let me get away with this somehow.</p>
<p>We didn't speak about it and eventually my caveman moment passed. I let go of him, and we were back to getting lost in the music.</p>
<p>Everything changed, though, when a slow song had came on. People started scrambling to find partners while others left the dance floor. Somehow, it felt like we were the only ones left. </p>
<p>Harry panicked and started to walk away. I couldn't blame him, but what if tonight was it for us? I wanted this dance.</p>
<p>I grabbed his hand. "Dance with me."</p>
<p>He looked scared but let me pull him into me anyway. A deep breath escaped me when him entire body melted into my arms. He closed his eyes as he rested his head on my shoulder. My heart was hammering in my chest as if to tell me that I was an idiot for not realising that this was precisely what it wanted.</p>
<p>For the first time since we arrived at the casino, thoughts of Eleanor were completely buried by the intensity of my feelings for Harry. Needing to know if he felt it, I raised my head to look at him at the exact same time he looked at me. I was losing my ability to breathe. I touched my forehead to his and just knew. That was the moment I stopped lying to myself. I was still in love with him. I didn't know what to do about it because I loved Eleanor too.</p>
<p>Before I could think it through, Harry pulled away and started running through the darkness of the crowd.</p>
<p>"Harry, wait!"</p>
<p>Within seconds, I'd lost him. I made my way towards the exit and ran towards the elevators. The doors were closing, and I stuck my arm through the opening to stop them. Harry was crying. God, what had I done to him?</p>
<p>"What the fuck, Harry? Why did you run from me like that?</p>
<p>"I need to go back to my room."</p>
<p>"Not like this."</p>
<p>Without thinking, I pressed the stop button.</p>
<p>"This isn't how I wanted our night to end. I crossed a line. I know that. I got lost in the moment with you, and I'm so fucking sorry. But it wasn't going to go any further because I won't cheat on Eleanor. I couldn't do that to her."</p>
<p>"I'm not as strong as you are, then. You can't dance with me like that, look at me like that, touch me like that if we can't do anything about it. And for the record, I wouldn't want you to cheat on her!"</p>
<p>"What do you want?"</p>
<p>"I don't want you to say one thing and act in a different way that contradicts it. We don't have much time left together. I want you to talk to me. That night at the wake. . . you wrapped your hand around my neck. It felt like for a moment you were back in that place where we left off. That's sort of how I feel around you all of the time. Then, later that night, Eleanor told me what happened after you got home."</p>
<p>What was he talking about?</p>
<p>"Exactly what did she tell you?"</p>
<p>"Were you thinking about me? Is that why you couldn't perform that night?"</p>
<p>The fuck?<br/>I had no words. The fact that Eleanor told Harry about that private moment actually pissed me off. I was speechless.</p>
<p>"I want you to tell me the truth," he said.</p>
<p>He couldn't handle the truth, and I couldn't handle these feelings for him. But I was pissed that they'd been talking like that behind my back. On top of that, my whole life felt like it had been turned inside out in one night.<br/>So, I lost it.</p>
<p>"You want the truth? I was fucking my girlfriend and could see anything but you. That's the truth." I moved towards him predatorily, and he backed away. "I got into the shower that night, and the only way I could finish the job was to imagine cumming all over your beautiful neck. That's the truth."</p>
<p>It should of stopped there.</p>
<p>Instead, I locked my arms around him as he leaned his back against the wall. I kept going. "You want more? I was going to ask her to marry me tonight at her sister's wedding. I was supposed to be engaged right at this very moment, but instead, I'm in an elevator fighting the urge to back you up against the wall and fuck you so hard that I'll have to carry you back to your room."</p>
<p>My chest hurt. I dropped my arms. "Everything I thought I knew has been turned upside down in the past 48 hours. I'm questioning everything, and I don't fucking know what to do. That's. The. Truth."</p>
<p>I released the stop button because anymore time in here would have been detrimental, although being brutally honest for once felt like a huge weight had lifted off my chest.</p>
<p>When we got to our floor, we both went to our separate rooms.</p>
<p>Alone in bed, guilt started to really set in and prevented me from sleeping. I was torturing myself by going through my pictures of Eleanor again.<br/>She didn't deserve this.</p>
<p>I'd tossed and turned, alternating between thoughts of Mark, guilt over Eleanor and my personal favourite: carnal thoughts of Harry. If I didn't care about hurting Eleanor, I would have gone to Harry's room that night. I knew with all our pent-up frustration, it would have been the best sex of my life. But I wasn't a cheater, and I wouldn't go there. So, I let my imagination experience it.</p>
<p>At one point, the sexual fantasies had gotten so vivid, I tried to undo my sins with a text to Eleanor at 2 A.M.</p>
<p>**Louis: I love you.**</p>
<p>Immediately after, I sent a text to Harry.</p>
<p>**Louis: If I knock on your door, don't let me in.**</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Harry p.o.v</p>
<p>The taxi was approaching Harry's destination, so that was as good point as any to stop the story since he was going to have to greet his friends soon. It was painful to put it down.</p>
<p>Harry paid the driver and stuck his phone in his pocket. As he made his way inside the the club, the contrast of darkness and bright light brought a feeling of unreality. Harry's  head had been stuck in Louis's story all day, and it almost felt strange venturing into the real world. It started to make him feel a little panicky with a bit of vertigo, which he got from time to time.</p>
<p>Harry's nervous state improved as soon as he saw two of his co-workers, Bobbie and Jennifer, who greeted Harry as he entered the private room. A small bar was lit up in purple lighting, and he immediately booked it over there for a drink.</p>
<p>"Is the guest of honour here yet?" Harry asked after taking a sip of his drink.</p>
<p>"No sign of Hetty yet," Jennifer said.</p>
<p>Since Hetty wasn't even here yet, Harry excused himself to a quiet corner where he promptly opened Louis's story up again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*************************************    <br/>          Louis's book<br/>*************************************</p>
<p>I still considered it a miracle that I made it through the night without fucking up. Harry ended up texting me that he was having insomnia. I immediately called him, and we talked until he fell asleep sometime after 4 A.M. I stayed on the phone listening to the sound of his breathing.</p>
<p>The ride home the next morning was downright painful. A chainsaw wouldn't have been enough to cut the tension in the air.</p>
<p>Harry was going to be driving me to the airport. We ended up stopping at his mother's house first. Being back in the place where everything started was harder than I thought it would be.</p>
<p>Harry served me some of his homemade ice cream. It was nostalgic sharing it with him out of the same bowl. For some reason, out of everything we'd experienced during our little adventure, that moment had meant the most to me and felt like goodbye all at once.</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Harry p.o.v</p>
<p>Harry had put his phone down when he noticed Hetty walking towards him. He thought that Hetty must think he was pathetic.</p>
<p>"There you are. We didn't see you hiding over here for ages!"</p>
<p>"Oh, I lost track of time. You hadn't arrived yet, so I came over here to chill for a bit before the party started." Harry hugged her. "Happy birthday."</p>
<p>"Thanks. You were reading?"</p>
<p>Harry looked down to see the Kindle app still open. "Yeah." Harry laughed and waved his hand dismissively. "You know how it is when you start a book you can't put down."</p>
<p>"Is it smut?" Hetty asked, wiggling her eyebrows.</p>
<p>Harry had to think about it. "Not really."</p>
<p>"Right. Okay, well, come on! Almost everyone's here now." </p>
<p>Harry followed her towards the bar and immediately ordered another drink. Vowing to not pick up the book for at least an hour, Harry worked the room and found himself looking at people's faces but not really hearing what they were saying. Their mouths were moving, but his brain wasn't processing it; Harry's mind was still with Louis.</p>
<p>As soon as his self imposed hour was up, Harry snuck back to his corner. He needed to finish the book since he only had a small percentage left. That way, Harry could get through the remainder of the night with no preoccupation.</p>
<p>Harry took a deep breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*************************************<br/>           Louis's book<br/>*************************************</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry wouldn't make eye contact on the ride to the airport. All of the special moments we shared, and he couldn't even stand to look at my face now. That was what it all came down to, and I couldn't say I blamed him.</p>
<p>I was breaking apart at the seams and didn't know what to say to him. We'd practically been to Heaven and Hell and back together over the past 24 hours and now, I was simply leaving him. . . again.</p>
<p>When we exited the car at the curb, the wind was wild. It was almost like a scene out if a movie. This would have been the sad part where you'd cue the dramatic music.</p>
<p>The thunderous sound of the planes taking off made it even more difficult to articulate what I wanted to say. What do you say to someone you're abandoning for the second time?</p>
<p>Harry held on to himself and was looking everywhere but at my face.</p>
<p>Finally, I said, "Look at me."</p>
<p>Harry shook his head, and a tear fell down his cheek.</p>
<p>It was official now. I was the scum if the Earth.</p>
<p>My own eyes started watering because I couldn't take away the pain he was feeling, because I couldn't do the one thing that would have achieved that: staying.</p>
<p>He was waving me off. "It's okay. Go please. Text me if you want. It's just. . . I can't do a long goodbye. . . Not with you."</p>
<p>He was right. This wasn't going to end well, so why prolong it?</p>
<p>"Okay."</p>
<p>He startled me when he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. He rushed back to the car and slammed the door before I could even process it.</p>
<p>The remnants of his saliva were stinging my cheek as I walked into the airport in a daze.</p>
<p>I wanted to look at him one last time, so I turned around. Big mistake. Through the glass, I saw that his head was in the steering wheel. I immediately ran back outside to the car and knocked the window. He refused to look up and started the engine so I knocked harder. He finally turned to look at me and got out, wiping his tears. "Did you forget something?"</p>
<p>Before I knew it, my mouth was on his. My heart was doing the thinking at this point. I wouldn't open my lips because I'd convinced myself that this was innocent so long as I couldn't taste him. It was a firm, desperate kiss, and I didn't even know what it meant.</p>
<p>I felt empty and confused.</p>
<p>Harry ended it. "Get out if here. You're gonna miss your flight."</p>
<p>My hands were still on his cheeks. "I never got over hurting you the first time, but hurting you twice. . . believe me when I say this was the last thing I ever wanted to see happen in my lifetime."</p>
<p>"Why did you come back just now."</p>
<p>"I turned around and saw you crying. What kind of a heartless asshole would leave you like that?"</p>
<p>"Well, you weren't supposed to see that. You really should have kept walking because now you're making it worse."</p>
<p>"I didn't want that to be my last visual."</p>
<p>"If you really loved her, you shouldn't have kissed me." He yelled</p>
<p>"I do love her." It came out defensively. I looked up at the sky because I needed to think for a second. How would I explain the realisation I had on the dance floor last night?</p>
<p>"You want to know the truth? I fucking love you too. I don't think I realized how much until I saw you again."</p>
<p>"You love us both? That's messed up Louis."</p>
<p>"You've always told me you wanted honesty. I just gave it to you. I. Sorry if the truth is a fucked up mess."</p>
<p>"Well, she has the home court advantage. You'll forget about me again soon enough. That will simplify things." Harry was getting back in his car.</p>
<p>"Harry. . . don't leave like this."</p>
<p>"I'm not the one leaving."</p>
<p>Ouch.</p>
<p>He drove off and left me in the curb, which was fitting because I'd unintentionally kicked him to the same place. . . twice, actually.</p>
<p>I was really tempted to jump in a cab and follow him, but I got on that plane to California because for once in my life, I needed to do the right thing.</p>
<p>*************************************</p>
<p>Harry's p.o.v</p>
<p>Harry's fingers kept pressing the next page button hoping there was more to the story. Louis couldn't have possibly put Harry through all of that just to end it right where they left things.</p>
<p>When Louis sent Harry the manuscript, he said it wasn't finished. Harry assumed that Louis didn't feel Harry needed to know anything more than what involved himself. Since the rest of Louis's life involved Eleanor, there was no need to torture Harry with more. Harry got it now, and he appreciated that. Louis wanted Harry to understand what he was feeling all of that time so Harry could have some closure and move on </p>
<p>Well, good for him, Harry thought.</p>
<p>Harry sent Louis a quick text that sounded cordial despite his anger.</p>
<p>**Harry: I finished it. Thank you. That was an amazing ride. I'm honoured you asked me to read it. The history of your family blew me away and explained so much. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. I understand so much more now and also why you ended it where you did.**</p>
<p>Fuck.<br/>Harry was crying and was in a room full of friends and co-workers. Devastated, Harry was determined that the rest of the night would be about forgetting Louis once and for all.</p>
<p>"Help me drown my sorrows," Harry remembered Louis saying to him at the casino. Well, that's what Harry needed right now.</p>
<p>Harry's friends were on the dancefloor and cheered him when they spotted him approach. They pulled him in and they all danced together for at least an hour. The more Harry thought about Louis, the harder and faster Harry swayed his hips. Getting lost in the music, Harry didn't want to stop long enough to feel all of the painful emotions that Louis's words had caused. He certainly didn't want to accept that the character Harry Styles had now been written out of Louis's life.</p>
<p>A half-hour later, Harry's phone buzzed.</p>
<p>**Louis: what's your theory on why I ended it where I did?**</p>
<p>Louis response stunned Harry. To prevent himself from losing it on the dancefloor, Harry kept dancing as if nothing had happened. Harry didn't want his friends to think something was wrong.</p>
<p>Harry shook his ass and typed.</p>
<p>**Harry: Because you didn't want to hurt me. The rest has nothing to do with me.**</p>
<p>**Louis: You're sure about that?**</p>
<p>**Harry: What are you saying?**</p>
<p>**Louis: Stop shaking your ass for five seconds and maybe I'll tell you.**</p>
<p>What?<br/>Before Harry could turn around, the feeling of strong hands grasped at his side's from behind him causing him to stop moving. They slowly slid down Harry's waist and landed in his ass with a cool self-assurance. That grip. That smell. The way Harry's body immediately responded.</p>
<p>No. It couldn't be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>        *******************</p>
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